Happiest New Year

 

I used to wake up and end every day in prayer and thanksgiving...Some where along the line of 2013 it became sporadic and stopped all together. I became so bogged down in the silly details of ever day/week/monthly things. I cried a lot and prayed a little. I'm ecstatic to see 2013 go as it's been one of the worst years of my adult life.

Financially, Relationships, Professionally, Spiritually, etc. I was tested on so many different levels. At the end of the year I was able to come out on top but dammit if I wish it didn't have to go down the way it did. Things I said I would never do I did. Things I said I would get better at I didn't even try. 2014 isn't about starting anything new really... it's all about me going back to what makes me great. Back to dance. Back to writing. Back to the gym consistently (fell off last month) and eating right. Back to valuing myself the way God does. Walking in the fact that I am beautifully and wonderfully made.. Focusing on my future and ultimately MY happiness.

Because going back to whats important allows me to catapult myself into my future. See 2014 isn't about 2014 for me. 2014 is about everything that happens after the year is over. Everything that happens after today, tomorrow, and next week. Sowing seeds in good ground and seeing the vision I have for my life come to fruition. Paying my last student loan payment, Getting married and having beautiful children. Becoming a licensed Therapist. Inspiring others to become a better version of themselves daily near and far. Maybe even teaching. 2013 tried to kick my butt and the experience left me realizing that I need to do a better job at protecting whats mine: my destiny. I'm begrudgingly grateful and willing to kick my own butt now to ensure my future is actually something to look forward to.

Only way I'm going to be able to do that is by also going back to praying first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Remember that Christ is my foundation and my ultimate cheerleader. 2014 is the year I don't just show up..but the year I show out. I was challenged, threatened, emotionally and financially beaten in 2013. In 2014 I plan on spitting in 2013's face and saying "That's all you got?! Now watch me work!"

Happy New Year!!

Same old Song, Same old Me...

I absolutely adore Pandora. It gets me through my work day and allows me to stay on a treadmill for more than 15mins. While at work I usually have my Beyoncé play list going hard. The awesome thing about this particular play list is one minute I'll be listening to Beyoncé's Countdown and then next thing I know the Temptations My Girl comes on then I take a phone call and David Crowder Bands' How He Loves Us comes on then I blink and Hootie and the Blowfish's Time is on and I'm in my office screaming "Turn that ish up! That's my jam!". Pandora listener's there is power in 'liking" particular songs..

Its my most eclectic play list and I absolutely adore it. It always plays just the right songs at just the right time. I'll be pissed off at the boo (Yes.. I have a boo now...More on that in another post on another day.) and Anthony Hamilton's The Point Of It All comes on. Or I'll be feeling under appreciated at work and Daniel Powter's Bad Day comes on. This Beyoncé play list...It just.... it gets me!

So when I started having the itch to write again I wasn't surprised when Nine Days' This is The Story of a Girl seemed to play all day everyday. I actually changed the name to this blog after hearing it again for the first time after years. This tune was the source of many teenage jam sessions in my living room. The song lyrics don't actually speak to me but man is it a catchy tune. What actually drew me to change the name of the blog is the song title..

As awesome as I am perceived to be, as confident, as sexy, as smart, as fabulously as I am known to others.. Deep down I'm really just a girl. Underneath all my bravado I am shy, scared, doubtful of myself and confused sometimes. Don't get me wrong I am happy and I am still awesome sauce but I'm also still human. At the end of the day I feel like a girl. I wake up I try my best to be the best. And sometimes I pass and sometimes I fail. So as I embarked on my 30th year of life grabbing adulthood by the reigns and riding the wave of ups and downs of 2013 I'm reminded time and again that I am just a girl. My inner child is alive and well. Itching to write and share her stories. So to my loyal followers who have been wondering where I've been. I'm back. And to new readers....This is the Story of a Girl. And that Girl is me.

Whitney sings my blues... and my Joys

I love music… I I truly do. I feel like everything I do should have music playing in the background. I used soca music to study while in undergrad and grad school to keep my energy up. I use RnB to relax before I go to sleep. At work I play soft rock, pop, top 40 stuff to keep me going throughout the day. And my drive to work each morning is an opportunity for me to sing as loudly along with some of my current favorite CDs (current Fav Anthony Hamilton’s Back to Love GETCHU SOME that is a great album!!!) to the chagrin of other motorist when I forget my windows are down.

When Whitney passed this month I thought about all the great music she was leaving us and as some of her greatest hits flooded radio and television stations I was reminded of home much her music moved me. If you follow me on twitter (@SometingSpecial) you might of seen this tweet: "Yo I could make a soundtrack to my love life using just Whitney Houston songs.." At the time Whitney's I want to Dance with somebody was playing. I remembered that feeling of wanting to have someone to call my own and thus a tweet was born. And it got retweeted by so many of my friends it got me thinking.. if I DID make a soundtrack... what would it look like? So here it is my Whitney Love Soundtrack.. May she Rest in PEACE!

*I Want to Dance with Somebody: First started thinking about having someone to call my booski. After being so wrapped up in my academics and my dancing I started longing for a partner in crime.

*If I Told You That: My first REAL boyfriend.. A friend of mine that I realized I had a bit of a crush on and since he felt the same we began dating and I experienced puppy love. Good times..

*I'm Every Woman: Okay so that relationship ended. I was bruised but not broken. And much more aware of how excessively awesome I was. Fresh in my sorority and applying for grad school I wasn't really thinking in relationship terms. But I was open to company at a movie or dinner. I did my thang thang.. I was killing it in school. killing it on the party scene. Dated around but  never anything serious because I was too busy being every woman.

*You Give Good Love: I got hit by the mack truck called love when I start dating Mr. Ex. Dragged into that relationship kicking and screaming but was ultimately happy there.. blind but happy.

*I'll Always Love You: Mr. Ex and I break up and I am absolutely devastated. Devastated.. I went past bruised and lived in broken for a long time.

*Didn't We Almost Have it All: Mr. Ex and I get back together at his insistence. Though mildly reluctant I was much more nostalgic about our relationship and decided to go with it.

*All The Man That I Need: I thought we were going to really make it work this time. Things were better than they had ever been before. We were older and more mature.. Or so I thought.

*Its Not Right But its Okay: I finally chuck the deuces and let go of that relationship. He hasn't changed and I finally take off the shades and recognize he is NOT the one.

*I Look To You: I Realize that I don't need a man to make me complete. Nobody does. We are all complete in Christ and at the end of the day we should allow two whole people to join not two half people.

*Exhale (Shoop Shoop):  I exhaled and understand that love sucks sometimes but its okay its all  for the good. Each relationship we go through is a stepping stone preparing us for the person we are meant to be with (Yes! I still believe in happy endings though I no longer believe in fairy tales.) Just be open to love happening.

*Million Dollar Bill: A much more mature woman I know what I want and now I'm attracting the right kind of men with the right kind of attitude. And though I haven't come across Mr. Right yet they are close.

*How Will I Know: After all the dates and the let downs.. I meet someone.. Its new..It isn't love yet and may not turn into it and that's okay. But for right now... I'm really excited to see where it goes.

This look anything like your Whitney Dating Soundtrack? What Whitney songs are on your love life's greatest hits? Do you think of some songs she wrote and wish they WEREN'T for you.. or that thankfully they aren't for you? Let a sister know...

2011 has been crazy as all get out interesting...I've neglected the blog in ways that I can't even attempt to apologize for. But as I've noticed this tends to be the way I've lived my life for awhile. I've neglected some friends, some family, even neglected myself. So much so that I've spent a better part of the year sick. (If its any consolation..I must say I have gotten a lot out of my health insurance plan this year...Boo-YOW!). Its a way I have lived my life for the last 15 years to say the least.


 My schedule has written more checks that my body couldn't keep this year more than any other. And my writing has suffered. My health has suffered. My relationships have suffered. When your a jack of all trades you can never been a master of none..


So I'm going to go ahead and take the advice of family and friends... I'm going to just go right ahead and.. take a seat... See how the other half lives... Sleep a little more, read a little more, dance a little more, cook a little more, play with my niece/nephew/God daughter a little more, write a little more.. Shoot maybe I can take a seat long enough to start writing that book. At this point the door is wide open for me to really just relax and do the things I love and not just the things that I feel I'm needed for. Sometimes in life we need to understand that though we are needed by many there is one who needs our love and attention far more... And that's ourselves. *kicks off shoes and relaxes her feet*

Do you have any resolutions for 2012? Maybe they're the same ones from 2011..? Find yourself doing too much as well? Any ideas on great ways to take a seat...and continue sitting?

Done and Done!!

Today I bought my first car. Words can't express how I feel today. I left the dealership singing a song I made up that sounded a little like: I got a car I got a car. I'm thinking if I get Swizz Beats to do the track and Nicki Minaj in the hook I can go triple platinum... Forreal though! Anyways...

I can't explain how good I feel right now. I feel like I've arrived. Like I've accomplished a great feat. Like I've finally got to that place where I can say: "Ok Special; they were wrong you could do it." I know some of you are probably looking at your screen perplexed like really? Is it that serious? Yes; it is that serious.

It's more than just a car. It's the culminating of all the hopes and dreams I had for my self as a young adult. I vowed to be someone I could be proud of when I was 21 and all that I've been able to accomplish coming from where I'm from is a blessing. Since setting these goals for myself I have struggled but have checked off each and everyone.

I've:
*Moved out my mama's house
*Strengthened my faith
*Excelled in my chosen career AND loved every minute of it
*Obtained my masters
*Have a banging apartment
*Own my own car.

It's more than just: "I got a car!". I've officially become independent. The underlining theme in the goals for my 20s was to become independent. To learn how to take care of myself before I got married. Growing up I saw far too many women I knew and loved have to learn after being kicked to the curb how to take care of themselves. Now don't get me wrong: I can't wait to have a man take care of me and I him. I look forward to submitting to my husband because he WILL be equipped to lead. But... I wanted... no NEEDED to know I could take care of myself before I could completely let go and follow. And I've managed to get them all taken care of... with 2 years to spare. Now that I've accomplished the goals of my 20s I look toward to working on the goals of my 30s.. time to get married and make it cool to be barefoot and pregnant! Owwwwwww!


What goals have you set aside for yourself in the last decade? Have you been able to accomplish them all if any? Whats holding you back? Whats been pushing you forward?

Walking Song...

I. Will. Trust. You. I. Will. Trust. You. I. Will. Trust. You. As I slowly woke up this morning these words continued to play over and over in my head. I began to say them over and over as I began to gain full consciousness. I then realized I forgot to turn the TV off the night before. I realized it was a Gospel song playing. Throughout the fast I had also decided to fast from secular music as well. This hadn't been the first time I'd forgotten to turn off the television and been awakened by the sounds of praise. But today is different. Today is day 21.
Today I bring my fast to a close. Today I reflect on my 2011 thus far. Today I can say: I DID IT! Last time I fasted I cheated. I cheated not once, not twice, but three times. I ended that fast lighter. Not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally. But I wasn't lighter spiritually. Yes I felt closer to God; but I also felt some guilt for not sticking to the fast. So when I decided to embark upon this fast a couple months ago it was very important for me to stay true to it. To feel that closeness with Him with out the shame of not embracing the fast completely.
I was able to finish this time without a heavy heart. The one thing that kept me was the realization that all things happen in time. I didn't spend my fast wondering how I would get to the end of the week. I focused on getting to the end of the day. I have a tendency in life to worry about tomorrow instead of focusing on the journey of the day.
One thing I know I will take with me is learning to trust God more. Learning to let Him get me through the journey of the day and focusing on living in His word TODAY. As I've been doing the fast I've been following a 21 Day fast on the bible app on my phone and today I noticed day 13 hadn't been checked off. I'm positive that I read it but I reread it anyway again today. It was definitely needed. I realized it is exactly what I needed to take the lessons I learned in the last 21 days with me through the rest of the days of my life. 2nd Peter 2 out of the Message Bible is going to be my walking song for my daily journey. Thank you Jesus.

Who would of thought...

So as I continue on my 21 day fast (Did I mention that already? I'm doing a 21 day fast and so far so feeling real good..) I am following a 21 day reading plan. I wake up every morning and read a specific scripture. Before each scripture is a small paragraph about what I should try to take away from each day.

Well the other day I had to read a scripture about how blessed I am. The take away for that day was to keep a list throughout the day about different things that I'm blessed with. I woke up very cranky that morning. I wasn't feeling very well and so needless to say I wasn't really in the mood to write down how blessed I am.... But as the day progressed I was able to jot down a few things... Like to read it? Here it go...

*As mentioned previously I wasn't feeling well.... But this uhhhh..kind of sickness only comes when you ARE well. Thank you God for good health.

*As I walked through the snow watching the bus pass me by... sighing under my breath hoping the next bus wouldn't be too late I stopped remembering a friend of mine who couldn't afford a metrocard and wake up 2 hours early to walk to work...so I jotted down "I have money to go to work."

*As I sat on the bus and texted my Director about missing my bus...again... I'm reminded how grateful I am to HAVE a job.


*As my day progresses I get some uplifting texts and emails. I didn't ask for them. My spiritual family just knew that I needed it and sent me good tidings. Then I realized how blessed I am to have great spiritual family. People who surround me and comfort me even when I don't realize I need it.

*As I got through the rest of the work day my spirits continued to rise as I realized that people at work looked at me as a potential leader. And not just the people I supervise... My boss pulled me aside and mentioned that there was possibility for upward mobility.....*insert happy dance here*


So you know how blessed I am... How blessed are you?