First 7 Things

Most of you who don't know me in my life outside of the blog don't know but for the last few months I've had living arrangement issues. To put it simply my roommate was working my last nerve! We'd had a conversation about parting ways last September and these last few months as the departure date for her loomed closer our relationship has significantly soured.

This is someone I considered a friend at one point in my life. Some friends can't be roommates; its a fact and something I've understood since my years in undergrad. I've a slight case of OCD and LOVE playing hostess in my beautiful apartment. She on the other hand isn't as neat as I am and spends majority of her time in her room; and doesn't speak...ever. Well the situation came to a head in January and we've both retreated to our rooms. Leaving the areas we share, kitchen and living room (we have our own bathrooms), abandoned and lonely.

This didn't bother me so much until a few weeks later when I was cooking and cleaning in the kitchen and I had no theme music. I used to turn the TV on in the living room to listen to music while I was in the kitchen for an extended period of time. Unfortunately use of the TV in the living room was a casualty of my roommate wars. I grabbed my laptop and pumped up di volume. It worked for awhile but didn't feel the same.

As time progressed I realized I missed a lot of things about hanging out in these common areas. Well as her departure date is less than a week away I've formulated in my mind (and now on this blog) the first 7 things I'll be doing when these rooms return to their full level of functioning:

*Curl up on my new plush sofa and start reading The Lost Symbol By: Dan Brown

*Cook/Clean dinner with RnB Soul playing from my TV in the living room.

*Come home and catch up on some of my favorite shows on DVR on the couch.

*Make some popcorn and invite some friends over for movie night.

*Dance around my living room with reckless abandon.

*Cuddle and neck on my couch with my lucky dude.

*Invite some friends over for dinner and eat at my dining room table.

Some of the simplest joys in our lives for whatever reason we miss out on. Don't let these moments pass you by.... FYI: This post was posted after she moved and the first thing I actually did was go on a cleaning and redecorating spree.. lol The OCD in me I suppose...

Do unto others....

****So if you weren't aware as yet I have become a Tweeter. So Follow me! Twitter.com/SometingSpecial I also got bored yesterday and registered for Formspring. So feel free to go to the site and ask me a question I'll be sure to check it out. FormSpring.me/SexySony17****

Lately I've been feeling a tad unappreciated. By friends, family, even people I date (yes.. I'm seeing someone; no I'm not ready to talk about it yet at length but I digress...). It seems like people love an opportunity to hear compliments or words of appreciation; but they have an issue reciprocating it to those around them.

Now I enjoy a good compliment like everybody else but I also make it a priority to let the people in my life know I love and appreciate their presence by me. I'm the kind of person that sends random messages like "I think your really great", "Your put a smile on my face today", and even the occasional ecard (someecards.com has some great cards by the way) "Its comforting to know we're equally maladjusted". Things like the aforementioned quotes that set the heart a flutter and give you warm and fuzzy feelings.

I don't do these things because I want others to do it to me as well. I do them because I think its important for people to know and feel wanted and needed if they are wanted and needed by me. It would just be nice to have people make me feel the same way every so often; And not just when something is wrong and they need cheering up or a willing ear. I find way to often I am a dumping ground for my friends negative energy, it can become irritating. And not even a "Your the Greatest!" adds insult to injury.

Then there is dude I'm seeing. I read an article that men appreciate compliments just as much as women do. So I promptly sent him a message and ended it by calling him 'Handsome'. His response was a big cheesy grin and I felt good that I made him feel special. Since then I've continued to do so every so often and I feel like he truly feels appreciated and sexy and all that other stuff. But where is the love?! I was thinking about it this morning and I can't remember the last time I got a good ole fashion "Girl, u di bomb!". When we first started dating he would do it every so often and I got the warm and fuzzies; butterflies not bubbleguts. Now? The must I get is probably a daily hugging, kissing, or winking emoticom... *Insert blank face here that changes into half a smile* I do appreciate that I really do but I feel like I could do with some butterflies and warm and fuzzies again.

I've not stopped expressing my appreciation for my friends or my non boo but I do feel myself become increasingly frustrated that the appreciation isn't reciprocated every so often. I know they do appreciate me and want/need me in their lives but its nice to hear every once in awhile. *le sigh* So this is my open letter to them. My dear, well-meaning, idiot friends. I love you but it'd be nice to hear you love me too.

Do you ever find yourself feeling under appreciated? How do you combat it? Maybe your one of my idiot friends reading this: Get off the blog and go to someecards.com and send me a card you ra-tard!

Till 'You Break A Vow' do us part

****If you haven't done so already Follow Me: Twitter.com/SometingSpecial****

"Love is not what you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on".

The other day I was having a very interesting conversation with a fellow HS alum on facebook. His status was in reference to a statement the every woman Monique said about sleeping with someone outside of marriage isn't a deal breaker. Now I didn't hear this statement myself till I saw it on his status so if he misquoted please feel free to let a sister know. Any who he eluded to the fact that trust is the hallmark of a relationship and if he found out his wife cheated he would expect her to be waiting for a cab outside with her bags packed when he got home.

He had several co-signers on that statement that think cheating is a deal breaker and their marriages would be over and done with. Now you KNOW I couldn't see that and not say anything. Not even the fact that I didn't speak to this person since HS and the last time we even fbook'd each other was months ago could keep me away.

I replied something along the lines of: "I feel you But a deal breaker? Did you not vow for or better or for worse? You might want to restructure your vows when you get married homie. *disclaimer* and I'm not talking habitual cheating.. We are human and we make mistakes who knows what could happen after you say I do. You might be the one asking for forgiveness" To which someone replied: "I agree on exclusivity. Relationships are built on trust. If there is no trust there is no foundation- the house will fall." And I said: "I completely agree on the exclusivity part. But in saying that sex outside of marriage is a deal breaker I can't agree with. If one party falls to the sin of adultery is remorseful and agrees to work on figuring out where the break down happened so that cheating even could become possible I think the other spouse should be willing to forgive. It shouldn't = the end of a marriage.. i.e. be a deal breaker. That level of forgiveness is something you need in a marriage and I'm not necessarily talking for cheating. A 50+ marriage will not get to 50+ on a bed of roses.. there will be thorns and both parties should recognize and acknowledge that... which is why in vows you say for better for worse richer or poorer in sickness and in health. If that isn't something a person can adhere to... they probably shouldn't be getting married. Personal opinion also.. trust is something that is built. and when its been broken.. it can be built back. It is that sustainable to the elements" Then my fbook friend chimed in: "I can see where you're coming from but I feel the trust is built before the marriage is agreed to. Once it has been established, the person who failed to live up to the agreement is the one that should not have been married. Not the one who fails to risk being burned a second time. Working things out is for people who can't escape the feelings and who are afraid to start over. I had been one of those people for a while and I'm glad to say I no longer am.Cut ties and tolerate nothing short of what you deserve.... Not saying this happened to me because we can never know %100 percent but if it did there is no redemption in my eyes."

We continued to go back and forth before I simply said let's agree to disagree and at our 50ths HS reunion we can finish this convo with our spouses by our side. But honestly I find it hard to believe that he will be able to stay married long if his tolerance is so low. No I do not condone cheating or anything that will hurt the marriage; I am simply saying that we must be willing to work on our relationships before we cut ties. Marriage, as I commented on his status, is the major league of relationships. When you come across a problem you don't just cut out and leave. I even put it to him as though he were the offender. 1. He is 100% sure he wouldn't do anything that could hurt his marriage and 2. If he was he wouldn't ask for forgiveness because he "wouldn't deserve it and would be ashamed". As far as he is concerned once you break a vow such as cheating then the other person doesn't have to stick to them either and they are free to leave. To which I put the question to him: Isn't this your other half, your best friend, etc.? If you did do something that was offensive to your marriage and you felt you couldn't go to them maybe that right there was part of the problem to which this offense occur ed in the first place. Marriage isn't just a legal contract to one another it is a much deeper commitment than that.

photo: Longest Married Couple: Herbert and Zelmyra

When I get married I have every intention of living my vows. Please reread that statement... you know what you probably won't let me say it again: I have every intention of living my vows; In sickness and in health, richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part. I intend to live that out until he or I cease to live. I am not perfect and I don't think I will meet a perfect man. He, I, or we may stumble at some point or another (and I don't mean just cheating there are many different ways you can hurt your spouse) during our marriage but I have no intention on telling him to kick rocks. Notice I said 'intention': I'm not married yet but its something I truly want to do: living my vows that is. I just feel like the inability to even discuss the issue and completely cutting all ties with your spouse is not the mindset of someone who is ready for marriage. Marriage is a bed of roses... just know that roses have thorns.

What do you think of the vows we make? Is he right? Are they only conditional upon the other persons ability to uphold them? What do you think are some of your marriage deal breakers?

I leave you with a few quote tweeted by Herbert and Zelmyra on Valentines Day:
"Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win "