Saddle Up!

**Morning Ladies and Gents! I wasn't planning on hitting the blog with any updates until after the Holiday Season but this devotional I got in my box this morning was too powerful NOT to send. So please enjoy and have a blessed and happy new years eve!!**

Saddle Up
Milan Ford

Well, here we are. Today is Thursday, December 31st
The very last day of the year 2009. And what a year it was.

It seems like only yesterday that many of us joined up with millions of people across the nation this time last year to gather inside of our respective local churches for some form of New Year's Eve or Watch Night Service. And although there are times when the variations of our church annual themes and proclamations can make God sound a bit schizoid to the ears of the unbeliever, for the most part, many of us heard a message that evening about the significance of the year 2009

2009. The year of (yep, that's right)......New Beginnings.

From areas of relationships to finance, issues of health and areas of leadership, the hope for a New Beginning was indeed high on the hearts and minds of believers both young and old this year.

Now I am not in any way what you call the greatest practitioner of biblical numerology, but last year around this time, I remember doing a little research about the significance of the number nine (9).

What I found was actually very interesting. The number nine (9) literally means: to bring to an end. In fact, in one instance, I found that the number (9) means: to bring a judgment (or conclusion) to. I think I'll repeat that one more time...

To bring to an end.
To bring to a conclusion.
To bring a judgement to.

Those aren't exactly the kind of words people pack out a sanctuary or tear up a few pews in order to hear at the beginning of a new year. New Year phrases like 'the year of divine favor,' or 'the year of a new beginning' tend to have a better ring to them.

About a month or so ago, I heard probably one of the most powerful faith statements I had ever heard in my life. It is one that I pray becomes a staple for every believer reading this devotional today as we prepare for the beginning of a new year.

"God's sovereignty does not excuse our apathy."

While I realize we all are looking forward to a great harvest in 2010, please know that this harvest in many respects will be a result of the seeds we have sown throughout 2009.

2009 (for many of us) should have been a year to put an end to our excuses. A year that you and I should have ceased from blaming any oppressor (spiritual or natural) from hindering us from accomplishing the goals and dreams we set out for earlier this year.

2009 was not a year to be lazy. Or vulnerable. This year (for many of us) should have been a year that many of us for the first time in our lives became (sorry for the dirty word here)... responsible.

On tonight, be careful not to become too consumed with asking God (yet again) to begin some new things in your life, without examining the things He has also told you to bring to an end this year.

You still have a few hours left to cancel some of those credit cards you know you need to stop using. A few hours left to 'unfriend' that person you know God has told you to stop chatting with online. A few hours left to email that proposal you've been sitting on now for weeks to your boss.

In fact, there's even a few hours to call that relative of yours you know God has told you to apologize to and mend the relationship. It may be tough to do, but it is time to get it done.

I realize there are a plethora of scriptures many of us will probably be given on tonight concerning what God may have in store for us next year, but I want to give you one that my wife and I have already taken on as a personal challenge for our family throughout 2010.

It's a dangerous one, so please don't write it down if you're not prepared for it just yet.

"If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, then how can you contend with the horses? And if in the land of peace, in which you trusted, they wearied you, then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan?" Jeremiah 12:5-6

Ladies and gentlemen, whether you and I are ready or not, 2010 is here. For many of us, this will be a year that many of the things we have prayed for throughout this year will come to pass. However, for those of us who are still holding on to things (and people) God has told us to get rid of, and for those of us who have allowed 2009 to be a year where our apathy and discontentment for where our lives are right now get the best of us, then what in the world are we going to do when the 'horses' arrive?

If God decides to bless you in 2010 with that 'new job' you've been asking for, are you prepared for it? If God decides to bless your business or church with incredible growth in 2010, did you position yourself properly this year to receive it? Or perhaps for some of you reading this today who are still waiting for God to send you a spouse, will you be able to identify him or her when they come, or is your focus still on holding on to those 'safe alternatives' from your past?

Family, enough is enough. No more excuses.
To be quite honest...I am tired of making them. And if you're like me, tired of hearing them too.

The horses...are here!! SADDLE UP.


Milan Ford has been a leader (and survivor) of ministry within the local church for most of his life. A lover of Red Vines Licorice and all things pointing North, Milan released his first book, 83 Things I Wish The Black Church Would Stop Doing earlier this month, which was recently ranked #1 on Amazon.com (Religion & Spirituality / African-American). You can find Milan rambling and writing at at ThePewView.com.
© Milan Ford all rights reserved

I Met Someone

You ever happen upon someone randomly and know that your meant to be friends? Your spirit just takes to them and as you continue to converse with them your initial response is confirmed...? I know what your thinking and no it isn't a man! Lol

I was waiting for the bus in the rain this past Sunday and it was pouring out. I always have an umbrella in my bag but I was sure by the time I got to the bus stop the bus would be pulling up. It wasn't. I'd forgotten that when it rains the bus is always late. It was. I had a hood on and a fairly long coat so I decided to leave the umbrella in the bag since I was sure the bus would arrive right after I pulled it out.

As 5, 10, then 15 minutes roll by the fake feathers on the hood started to drip and my glasses were beginning to fog up. A young woman standing next to me offered to share her umbrella with me. For half a second I almost declined and just pull out my own but something told me to accept her offer. I smiled and graciously thanked her saying she must have noticed the fog on my glasses. We got a good laugh out of that and began to idly chat with one another.

Turns out she was also headed to my Church for the 1pm service due to missing the 1030. And as the bus came and we settled in for the ride we discovered we had a lot more in common. So much so that after awhile I informed her that we were obviously twins.

I tell you this story (especially my fellow sisters brown, yellow, white, etc.) because we need to be more open to the ones we meet in the street every day. Over the last few months I've met and become very good friends with 3 women not including the one I met this past Sunday.

Now I know a few people will be quick to remind me that some females are triflin and give it time and her inner she devil may reveal itself. This may be true; but I honestly doubt it. I've been a pretty good judge of character for awhile and her spirit is good. Granted no one is perfect and we all piss our friends off from time to time so I know I didn't meet an angel.

Every woman needs a couple good solid girlfriends. And there is nothing wrong with the friends we already have. But sometimes we hold on to those friends we've had for 15+ yrs just because they've stayed around long enough. We've out grown some of them while others have become a part of our families. That doesn't negate opportunities like this one for us to meet and make new friends. I read an article once where it highlighted the different friends women have: the travel buddy, the work friend, the friend who you've known since pre-school, etc. They also mentioned the new friend and stressed the importance of opening oneself up to the possibility of having one. I call them "new best friends".

Granted this young woman I came across may not be my new best friend. But something tells me the potential is there for her to become a good friend. I'm glad I left my umbrella in my bag. And maybe the next time your standing in the rain you should too. Ok I'm rocking dreads and I know my sisters with a perm are NOT feeling that so maybe not! But at the least smile at your fellow sister instead of ice grilling her and fronting like those shoes she has on aren't fab-tastic! She may just be your new best friend.

Ship is coming in...

Yes I know this is the longest I've been away. I missed you bloggy family! I really have. I've been very focused on preparing myself for some professional endeavors the last few weeks as well as engaging in some personal ones as well. I been working hard guys and my ship is finally coming in.

Professionally I have been working on placing myself in a position to have some very big things happen for me in the next few years. I was studying for my professional license which opens a lot of doors for me. I am happy to report that I took the exam last week and passed that exam! **does her happy dance** I had been preparing to take this exam for over a year. The financial piece and the studying piece were difficult for me. I banned myself from reading books (I'm a serious book worm) as well as put myself under "house arrest". So there was no traveling for months at a time. Both were something I love doing as I read 3-4books a month and usually travel once a month as well. But all that hard work has paid off and I am on my way to fulfilling several goals that when I first made them I felt silly for wanting so much. I've surprised myself but its helped me to gain more faith in my ability to allow God to bless me.

Personally... Mmmm... I'm not sure where even to begin. Lol I was reflecting the other day about how much I've changed. I don't even remember what made me think of it in the first place but the magnitude of that change hit me and wow'd me. This time last year I was in a very bad place; and I was wallowing there. Very few people knew how bad I was and some friends of mine who've known me for 10+ yrs were shocked by how un-Special-like I was. In a way as I began to come out of it I think this blog helped me to get a lot of those toxins out. This year was a transition year for me. I was in the the middle of a storm and with God's help I was able to walk out of it with very few nicks and cuts. I'm stronger, wiser, and better for it. And I would never ask that it had not happened because we must always remember that: all that we go through, the good the bad and the ugly, comes together to make us who we are. And if not for the bad, the ugly, and even the evil we would not realize our own worth or our strength. You cannot truly appreciate your success without acknowledging your failure. And through those success and failures I am making some moves to allow God to bless me with the desires of my heart.

And with all that being said I am truly looking forward to the new year. I first thought 09 wouldn't be that great but it turned into one of the best years of my life and that only allows me to prepare myself for even more great things in 2010. Though I did abandon you and I can't promise it won't happen again I hope you stay around to grow with me next year. We can stumble and fall together and be better for it. Love you and I'll see you around family!

What's in a name?

When I'm bored and unable to find something to do with myself I click the CNN app on my berry. People see me avidly watching the screen and sometimes think I'm texting my life away to some man. No. I'm not I'm just reading CNN ha! And while reading it the other day I came across an article about names.. Or rather HIS name.

The article was exploring whether or not Women should take their husbands names. It discussed different cultural practices like in Spain where you have both names. Or the fact that celebrity women keep their own last names. In this day and age more women are taking on their husband's name rather than keeping their own. The writer wasn't happy with this saying a woman who gives up their name loses her identity. *insert my rolled eyes here*

I've probably mentioned before but if I haven't: I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Things like courtship, chivalry, letting a Man take the lead do not grow out of style as far as I'm concerned. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine just last week about this (told you I'd blog it! Ha!) and I told her I'm definitely taking my husband's name.

I can't for the life of me understand the concept of joining my life with another person but stay separate :-/. I thought that whole separate but equal stuff was thrown out in the 60s?! SMH And if I was a dude I'd be offended if my wife said she'd marry me but didn't want my name. Now I know several married couples some took on their husbands name some didn't they all had their reasons. A good friend of mine hyphenated her last name because her dad only has girls. But then she has a boy and he has the dad's name anyways. *shrug*.

The writer of the talked about identity theft and how our names are like our identities so if a women takes on her husbands last name that's how she loses her identity. I can't co-sign dat madness. One its just the last name so even if our names were linked to our identity its a PART of your identity that changes. And in all actuality your identity does change you are now a wife. This is just one way that you acknowledge that change.

Now I can see it coming.... "So then why can't my husband change his name?" Chhhh **that is me sucking my teeth** I am as independent as the next female but again I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Know your role and play your position. Your man is supposed to lead. You ever watch ballroom where you can't tell who is leading?! SMH its very confusing. Having your man lead doesn't make you any less than he is. Only you can do that. If your husband/fiance is really that kind of man he doesn't need your name to zap your identity.

Now as is pretty much EVERYTHING on this blog with the exception of whats in "Just Stopping By" this is all my personal opinion. I'm just one person. Ladies, do you feel the need to take your husband's name? If not what are your reasons. Gentleman, do you want your wife to take your name or do you not care either way as long as she is at the Church on time? Speak to me people.

I Hustle Nation

I know I know I missed a month... Or two but guess what time it is!? Blog of the Month!! And this blog is definitely a MUST on your blog roll.

For the last few weeks I've been held spellbound by this video blog. I mean completely transfixed. I first saw someone post the video on facebook and then I shared it myself. Before I knew it I was looking for more videos and trying to find dude on facebook to friend him!

I've become completely enamored with this fellow and you know why? Because dude speaks str8 truth. He keeps it 100%. Unfortunately some of what he says we (ladies AND gentlemen) don't want to hear. But I think once you open your mind and REALLY listen to what he is saying you realize its str8 truth.

As I'm new to the blog I believe there is only one author (Lewis) but he does speak in 'we' sometimes. I assume there are people who help with background work for the site but he is the face of it. His is the only email addy I see listed. If he is the only voice on the site super kudos to him!

I'm not even going to go into my whole listing of the pros and cons of this blog. Below you will find the first video I saw tell me what you think. To check out more videos go to ihustlenation.com and check them out: you WON'T be disappointed!

Know The Speed Limit

I was involved in a debate on one of the many listservs I'm on about why so many women in my generation are single. And one young Lady made a comment about how marriage isn't really necessary these days. Now the first thing I responded was that marriage still is necessary but some chose not to acknowledge it. God made woman to be man's helpmate. That is the reason we were created. That doesn't change because man may think he doesn't need help or we find we have much more important things to do than help man (namely helping ourselves).

When I really started thinking about it more it reminded me of something my Pastor said a few months ago: "The speed limit doesn't change from 65 because the flow of traffic is at 80". To often in our society we allow societal norms to dictate how we act when God gave us laws to abide by long ago. just because everyone is doing it, doesn't make it right. Sex, Murder, Stealing, etc. we all make excuses to support us doing these things that we shouldn't.

Religion is man made. More than following a religion you should be following God. God didn't say we can't dance or listen to music. He did say thou shall not kill or steal. He didn't say steal if your running low on cash that week or kill if you don't think your ready to have a baby or that state allows the death penalty. And lets not even go into people's relaxed ideas about dating married men and women; or husbands and wives not honoring their vows...SMH

Whether we choose to acknowledge the speed limit or not its been set already. I can't force anyone to embrace God's Word as their own and abide by his rule; I can only concentrate on my walk. But let's be clear here because people don't choose to abide by His word doesn't mean it ceased to exist. And as much as I love some of my family and friends they don't give out buddy passes to heaven sooooo...

Do you dis/agree? What are some things you've noticed people let society dictate for them? Do you think as time passes we need to change with the times and stop dusting off old rules?

Can A Sistah Get a Berry?!

So I was having a chat session with a good friend of mine on Gchat in between working hard and hardly working and she was telling me how romantic her bf is. How he'd draw her a bath or feed her fruit, do massages, etc. And I couldn't help but feel a little envious. Not for the man perse... but for the romance.

I can't remember the last time a dude tried to romance me. Granted some believe romance is for after marriage but I can't co-sign that 100%. I don't need my bath drawn or a massage; as that would only endanger my celibacy. A lil wooing is necessary in courtship no? Can a sistah get a berry? It doesn't even have to be dipped in chocolate! A candlelight dinner perhaps? Or even some flowers. The last time a guy gave me flowers was 4yrs ago when he was late for our date. Which was great; I truly appreciated the gesture. He came with a dozen red roses and I remember thinking "Mmm.. this is nice". Prior to that FavX bought me a beautiful bouquet for my 21st birthday. I will admit that having not received flowers I convinced myself that I didn't want them. I've even been quoted as saying "Who wants flowers? They die anyways". Well I realize I want them.. no matter how long they last.

When I mentioned this to my friend she admitted before this guy there wasn't a lot of romance either. We concluded that at some point in time guys have become lazy. Doing only the bare minimum to get the girl. If he doesn't HAVE to buy some flowers or a piece of candy then why bother? I'd love to blame other females for this. On some fronts I feel like wen a female allows a guy to get away for somethin she makes it harder for another female such as myself. So if you have scores of females who will open themselves up to you having done no work at all then hey why bother to deal with the girl you actually have to call, take out, buy a flower or two. But I can't blame it 100% on other females. I've become a strong believer in what others do shouldn't dictate what you do. So if a guy wants to do something nice for a Lady even if she is willing to give it to him for free he should still do it if its REALLY in his character to do so.

I think it depends how badly dude wants said lady. If a guy really wants you he'll go hard. He'll put his best foot forward and try to romance you. Even if its just to get the booty. They will work for it! And ladies your not exempt either. Think back to the last time you romanced your significant other (and I don't mean the time you took that pole dancing class to surprise him for his birthday). When was the last time you went out got your hair and nails 'did', cooked him a meal and gave him a back rub? And it was just Tuesday?! Not Christmas, Valentines Day, or his birthday... it was just Tuesday.

As men and women we need to cater to each other a little more. Even if you can't buy some flowers a 'Just Thinkin about You' ecard works wonders to make a someone smile! Or even a text message saying something cute like "I can barely concentrate on work because I'm so busy thinking about your beautiful smile..." Oh! Or leaving little notes around their apt or house. Not the stalker kinds of notes. Just little thinking of you stuff you know. They may not find it for a few days or a few weeks but it would be a nice surprise. So bring out the romance people. Don't be afraid to let them know they are Somethin' Special!

I Had To Date Them

So I wrote three blogs on the train this morning... But I heard this not to long ago and HAD to post it. Ladies Gentlemen please listen and listen HARD...

I Had To Date Them (Sermon) - Bishop Jamal Bryant

Single, It's Complicated, In a Relationship, Engaged, Married... Swingers?

I hate relationship statuses. When your single you always have to explain yours and when your with someone there is always the question of: "do I need to even have it up?" A month or so ago I changed my status on facebook from "Single" to "It's Complicated". I had taken off that notification button where it updates all of your facebook friends about your relationship change over a year ago so it wasn't noticed for awhile. Recently though I've been getting a lot of msgs in my inbox questioning what it meant. One guy even sent me what I assume was a 4 pg letter detailing how he was so much better than dude I am currently with. When I told him I was single and I was just acknowledging that dating in of itself was complicated he proceeded to send me a 10pg letter detailing why I should stop dating weirdos and date him. To which I promptly responded even when u date non weirdos dating is complicated but either way I wasn't interested in dating him.

I can't stand when people lie on their status. A promoter friend of mine used to have "In a Relationship" on his page prior to actually being boo'd up. He used the excuse of a lot of females kept trying to holla at him so he would just put "In a Relationship" to fend them off. I told him to man up and tell them he's just not interested. It was the same thing a friend told me after they witnessed me tell a guy I have a bf just to fend him off. We're all grown enough to let someone know "Hey I'm just not that into you.." But what of those who actually have a significant other (SO)?

Relationship statuses bring so much grief. Before my last relationship there was no facebook or myspace. There was just aol and blackplanet where people barely glanced at your status anyway. So FavX and I didn't have to deal with this whole issue. When I got with Mr. X I changed my status on both fbook and myspace to the delight of some and horror of most. When it was over it went right back to Single. The status was always a cause for concern because his profile on myspace didn't have the option for a status and he wasn't on facebook at the time. I'd always wonder IF he could, would he put it up? And if he didn't what did that say? Or did it say nothing at all. He didn't think it meant anything at all, couldn't understand why I bothered to change mine to in a relationship in the first place. But he sure did make a comment about how fast it changed back to single.

I find that majority of my male friends have the same sentiment. They detest the "Relationship status". One of my friends told me he got into a huge argument with his gf because he was still listed as single on fbook. He felt everyone who needed to know he was in a relationship was already aware. Citing that it was just going to give nosey people something to talk about. But his girlfriend felt it was false advertising. Or even a desire not to claim her. My closest guy friend thinks this argument alone is enough to stay off facebook or myspace and won't touch it with a ten foot pole.

Personally I think if you have an active profile on either site and your in a relationship it should be stated. Facebook gives you the option to put who your in a relationship with; you don't HAVE to. So you can let everyone know yes you have a SO without having people trying to stalk your man/lady. But please take heed don't go from "In a relationship" to "engaged" or even "married" having not clicked that "with" button and filling it out!

What say you good people? Do you care if your current SO claims you online? Is it a big deal? Is social networking ruining your relationship?

Below you will find some other Facebook Relationship rules that are pertinent to your peace of mind!

Music is My Heart and Soul...

I sometimes wonder if my mom played music to me when I was in her womb. And if she did if I kicked and squirmed and do something off the wall... I have always felt a pull to music. I feel it in the fiber of my being. I love the beat I love the lyrics I even love the expression on the faces of those singing the song. I've been caught dancing when there is no music playing on MANY occasions. And I bop my head and tap my feet and gain the stares of curious on lookers. I inhale music too. S friend jokingly referred to me as an IPOD during a road trip out to VA Beach. We had Sirius radio playing majority of the ride and we'd be switching music stations back and forth. We played old school, new school, alternative, hip hop, r and b, everything. And regardless of the song that was playing I just sat there and sang a long. He'd turn and ask me if I knew the artist or the name of the song and half the time I did. The times when I didn't I still sang the song word for word fighting to hit every note haha! And don't try to get the mike out of my hand during Karaoke... I go IN!

I sometimes find myself listening to music when I am going through different experiences. There are different songs that I listen to when I'm happy, sad, lonely, etc. And honestly there are those times when I can hear a song that evokes an emotion in me I didn't know was there. Tears it from my soul and put it right in front of my face forcing me to acknowledge it. A song will be playing and a memory will come to mind for me. I have certain songs that ALWAYS pull a certain something out of me. There are certain songs that remind me of certain people in my life. It blows my mind that it even has that kind of power over me. Here is a snippet of my love affair with music.

**When I dance around my living room I start with: Beach Boys Good Vibrations Honestly this song really does help to bring for good vibrations when I am feeling down. It gets me pumped and ready to allow the music to heal me. After I run this track two or three times I usually am ready to let the MP3 player run at random. I'll slow dance, cha cha, do a jitter bug.. But first.. I need to be hit by the Good Vibrations...

**Song that ALWAYS brings tears of thanks to my eyes: Byron Cage I will Bless The Lord Whether I'm in Church or at home or on the street.. this song plays and my eyes well up. I just get consumed by the awesomeness that is Jesus and I'm blown away that he loves me in spite of me. It reminds me that his Grace even before I was saved carried me and it just lifts me up. Reminds me that regardless of my situation I WILL BLESS THE LORD...

**Yahoo Music Station that is playing at work: Adult RnB with the occasional switch to Gospel I work at a Mental Health apartment facility so needless to say it can get interesting...often. The Adult RnB station is in heavy rotation and it keeps me calm and far away from Burnout... When I need a extra healing I switch to the Gospel station to remember how fortunate I am...

**Song I want played at my Funeral: Cool and The Gang Celebration I don't care how I died, I don't care who went with me, I don't want my family and friends to focus on me being gone. I want them to Celebrate the good times that we had. I don't want people wearing black either. Bright colors and white. The wake (nights leading up to the funeral) they can mourn all they want. But when it is time to say good bye.... I want tearful smiles...

**New School Group That Heals Me: 112 Any Album Especially the first one In college I really grew into a passionate individual. I went through some ups and downs that surprised me and through it all whenever I would feel like I couldn't go on.. I'd sit in my room turn off all the lights and just let 112 play. Sometimes for a whole day. Id go to sleep and wake up to their voices and sometimes it didn't even matter what song was playing.. It was just something about their voices that would lift me up and soothe me...

**Old School Group That Heals Me: Earth, Wind, and Fire This group is... just phenomenal.. There are a lot of old school groups and artists that I absolutely LOVE but there is something about Earth, Wind, and Fire that gets me up gets me dancing. Not toe tapping, not bopping my head UP AND MOVING UP AND GROOOVING..

**Music TV Station: Music Choice RnB Soul I go to sleep, wake up, shower, dress, you name it to this channel. There are sometimes DAYS that come and go where I don't change the channel. It has to be a really good reason that makes me switch it from this channel. I'm even guilty of being late because I didn't want to leave while a song is playing...

**Songs Currently Haunting Me: Anthony Hamilton Point Of It All This song is currently in heavy rotation. I don't have it saved anywhere. I turn on my TV and it'll be playing on Music Choice. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and if I forgot to turn off the TV its playing. I'll wake up in the morning and that last line is fading out.. "And the point of it all... I Love You Whenever we're apart It damn near starves my heart I don't want to be apart"...

**Song that always gets me upset: Michael Jackson They Don't Really Care About Us This is self explanatory. There are so many ills in our world whenever I hear the song and am reminded I want to get up and start a rally or something Haha..

**All Time Favorite: Luther Vandross... Honestly there is maybe only one or two songs that he has EVER made that I'm not a big fan of. And that isn't even saying I don't LIKE the song. It just wouldn't be the first one I played. Luther is an Amazing Artist. I LOVE Michael... but there is just something soooo soulful about Luther that gets me EVERY time.. Michael and Prince come up right behind him though....

We'll those are a SMIDGEN of the songs that have impacted me. What songs move you, vex you, tear you down, or build you up?

Forget... Remember... Forget... Remember...?

So as I was getting ready for work this morning the PIX morning news did their segment where they chat around the table about current issues. Up for discussion today was the recent death of Patrick Swayze (R.I.P. I AM a fan of Too Wong Foo gosh darnit YOU ROCK!) and a pill that may be hitting the market soon. Though I am deeply saddened that not just Hollywood but another family has lost a cherished loved one I don't want to talk about death. There has been far to much of that as is these days. I want to talk about this pill..

This pill that I didn't pay enough attention to get the name of allows you to forget memories. Yes FORGET memories! The painful ones, the embarrassing ones, the ones that even make you blush; on some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind stuff(Jim Carrey movie. You don't know it? Shame on you!). The pill's basic function is the ability to erode certain parts of the brain that stores memory.

Now a year ago I wouldn't even be posting this entry: 1. I didn't have a blog where would I put it? On the wall of the subway stations? 2. I'd be to busy pre-ordering the pill to sit here and type insightful(?) musings on my blackberry. I'd be feening for such a pill. I'd get up, or rather, not sleep to be the first one on line when they started handing them out I was so desperate to forget certain things. Such a pill would be considered God sent. And THAT is NO BUENO...

Working in the field of Mental Health I'm privy to the knowledge of lots of pills that are helping a lot of people. People who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) could use this pill. I used to counsel Vietnam Veterans who YEARS later would be plagued by memories of fallen comrades or even the atrocities of war. So there is a demographic that could benefit from all this; but what of everyone else? The ones who have no disorders but just things they'd like to forget. This pill I could see being a big seller on the black market. Such a pill would not be good for these people. Some questions brought up with the news team was how do we know which memory we get to lose? You may try to lose the memory of a cheating ex and end up forgetting the first time you rode your bike without the tricycles on it. You might want to forget the time you walked half a block down madison avenue with your skirt tucked in your panties but you forget the first time your husband said "I love you".

And what of those other times you endured something you'd pray to forget but you got a lesson from? You lose the memory you lose the lesson? "There is no coming to consciousness without pain". With the pain now gone is your conscious rid of the ability to discern how to go about a similar situation in the future? I'm an advocate for remembering the good, the bad, and even the ugly. Without becoming bitter you can hold on to all of these memories and learn from them. If you don't remember the feeling of being burned what's going to keep you from sticking your hands in the fire?? How could you share your testimony... if you can't remember it...?

As this is just My 22 Cents I know others may feel differently. What about you...? If you could what would you forget?... And ya know what.. for good measure you should probably list whatever it was... You know.. so when you forget I can remind you just in case you change your mind later haha... :-D

One Year Down

Every so often I go to HoneyMag.com and read their ezine. Its something I've done off and on for almost two years now. They have lots of articles and its where I first found out what blogs were. There were a few that I would check regularly; like A Belle in Brooklyn. There were a couple others whose names I can't remember. One in particular that I've thought about a lot in the last few days; was written by a woman somewhere on the west coast I believe and it was an OK blog. As I've taken more of a look at the blogging community I've read far more interesting ones but one particular post she did has captured my memory. She wrote a post about completing her 1st year of celibacy. Its probably at the forefront of my brain now because I too have a year of celibacy under my belt after this last weekend. I don't have a specific date as Labor Day marks the spot of my last game of varsity tonsil hockey.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Accomplished? Eh I guess. Its just one year after the initial 3 months I hit my stride. Though in December I was going thru so much withdrawal I felt like a dope fiend. Excited? Mmmm... yea I'm that too I suppose. This is my equivalent to shouting it out on the roof tops. When I really sit and think about it... I'm just glad its over and now I'm rolling up my sleeve because I feel like I just completed the easy part.

You see I've gone without sex before; for much longer too. I didn't even lose my virginity till the ripe old age of 21 (to the disbelief of many and to this day many people STILL don't believe me). And though I enjoyed sex VERY much its not something that I couldn't go without. But for the past year I wasn't even dating anyone seriously and I didn't care too either. So there was no real temptation to deal with; minus some minor incidents. I have yet been faced with the opportunity to look sex in the face and say "Thanks, but no thanks". This year I've just laid the foundation.

This year I've been given that opportunity to come to terms with my celibacy. I was celibate for months before I even mentioned it to any of my friends. And even still longer before I could say it without shooting it out of my mouth like a bullet; just wanting to get it over with. I knew the weirded out looks and questions would follow my confession. I already knew how most of them felt about it as an X and I had given it a go before and they let me know then that it was ridiculous.

Now I look em square in the eye and remind them I'm celibate (I think some of them like to repress the memory of me telling them the first time so they tend to need some reminding). Friends that didn't know before that find out give me those weirded out looks I know all to well and I smile back. They ask questions and I answer with ease. And when thrown the sarcastic "Well good luck finding a man that way" I answer with unshakable faith in God to make the impossible possible. OK granted I need to remind myself of that one from time to time but motivation like bathing should be done daily; more than that on days when the heat is ON.

So as of right now I'm gearing up for the next round. The foundation is laid and now I'll be put to the test: dating. Telling a friend is different than telling someone who is interested in dating you. I've been told I have a body built for sex; curves in just the right places not to much and just enough(God blessed me with a great figure but it wasn't made for that). Imagine having to tell someone they won't be getting ANY of it until I've walked down an aisle with all white and a ring on. Ha! That IS the plan too you know. If I fall at some point before that happens I'll get back on and give it a go again.

But right now there is no looking back. I'm a year in and who knows how long to go and I am going to roll up my sleeve and push on. I know people who have 10, 15, and 30 yrs behind (please lord don't make me wait that long! Ha!) them. Its going to be a long (again Lord I'm just saying lets not make it TOO long) and interesting ride...

I'm Sorry Mr. President

I've been forming this particular entry in my mind for awhile now. I did a entry not to long ago stating a Woman needs to be a Queen if she wants to be blessed with a King. I still stand by that and now I'm out again to speak to the guys. Your a special case; you can't just be King. You need to be King, Priest, and Prophet.

I first came across this theme months ago listening to a teaching from Bible Study entitled "Why Can't We Get Along" which discussed some of the difficulties men and woman face while dating (Fabulous teaching find it and more great ones at http://www.chrisburgeministries.org/). At the time I heard the theme I understood it but having had an opportunity to marinate on it awhile I've realized its importance.

King in Scripture very generally used to denote one invested with authority, whether extensive or limited. I am a Queen (or rather one in training lol I still got some relationship kinks to work out); and the only suitable mate for a Queen is a King. A King that is well aware of his position and the responsibility that comes with it. He is the provider (and that is not just in terms of dollars and cents), protector, and is called to lead("with a humble heart and loving service to your wife"). Also the bible talks about this little thing called submission that has been misconstrued far to often. God NEVER said we are inferior to our mates. "Headship" means that God has called the man to lead his home—and will therefore hold him personally responsible for what goes on in his home. The emphasis is on responsibility and accountability, not on authority and power.” To submit to your mate is not weak. Women was created to be Man's help mate so it is clear that we must recognize his role and put him first. As his help mate we must understand that he has the final decision. Notice I said FINAL decision; whatever the issue it should be discussed amongst you both before a final decision is made. While dating you should be looking for traits that let you know that you can respect and trust the decision your mate makes. If he wasn't good with his finances when he was single, if he hasn't fixed the issue by time he says "I do" don't expect good financial decisions to be made for your family. No I'm not telling you to let your husband run your family to the poor house; I'm telling you to take preventative measures BEFORE you get married so you can trust in those decisions later.

Priest At first every man was his own priest, and presented his own sacrifices before God. Afterwards that office devolved on the head of the family, as in the cases of Noah (Gen. 8:20), Abraham (12:7; 13:4), Isaac (26:25), Jacob (31:54), and Job (Job 1:5). Your mate is charged with making sure the family is spiritually grounded. Laying the foundation for his Queen and their children. He needs to not only pray WITH his family but pray FOR his family. He must set an example for them to help with their spiritual growth. He has to know and make sure his family knows he is in 'power' but God is in control. He has to "lead his wife and children into God's presence for worship, to remind them of God's Grace and mercy in forgiving their sins and to intercede on their behalf".

Prophet was a spokesman for God; he spake in God's name and by his authority (Ex. 7:1). He is the mouth by which God speaks to men (Jer. 1:9; Isa. 51:16), and hence what the prophet says is not of man but of God (2 Pet. 1:20, 21; comp. Heb. 3:7; Acts 4:25; 28:25). A man needs to have a vision for his family. Not a only a vision for HIS future, but his entire families future. What kind of future does he see for his family? For his marriage? For his children? Is he thinking in terms of generational blessings? Generational blessings will not just serve his family NOW it will serve his family long after he has passed and gone.

Now just yesterday while talking to a male friend of mine he told me I maybe looking for a needle in a haystack. Asking a man to be King, Priest, and Prophet may be a bit much he said. He told me that he and his wife operate on a governmental scale. He is the President and she is the VP. Now I'm not knocking their union at all but I encourage you all to do what works for YOU.

This would not work in my favor for several reasons. To name a few: (A)There is a not so clear separation between Church and state; that will not work in my household. (B)The president's job is temporary whereas the King's position is till death. Too many marriages these days think in temporary terms when the vows clearly state: "Till Death do us part,". Now if you made modified vows ignore that last one! (C)Also though the President is the face of the country there is still congress and the judicial system; and that brings way to many opinions into my household. Having spoken with a couple divorcees: congress not passing a bill has been the reason for many impeachments to date. I'd like my household to consist of two decision makers: King and Queen. If I wanted a group discussion I'd of got down with polygamy. (D)Lastly, I don't need to worry about campaigning, primaries and elections. NY Times nor Barack's endorsement holds a candle to God's endorsement and appointment. Therefore, no need for me to go looking for a needle in a haystack. God will present me to my King, Priest and Prophet when I'm deemed ready(see: when I finally get the major relationship kinks out and can call myself a Queen). I have faith in THAT; So I'm sorry Mr. President but I'd rather have a King, Priest, Prophet

For further study on this subject go to this website for more information it was truly helpful to me along with my own thoughts and bible study notes. http://www.cbmw.org/Online-Books/Building-Strong-Families/The-Husband-as-Prophet-Priest-and-King

THIS is How its Done...

**Admin Note: I recently read this post on http://www.flyguychronicles.com/ The post was entitled the Pleasure of Meeting you is All Mine. I find too often guys do not know how to approach women. If they aren't shouting out a million and one names to get your attention or making cat calls its something else. I haven't met a lot of guys who have mastered the art of getting a woman's attention that is both respectful, sincere, and isn't pushy. I felt TheFlyGuy's post was a lot closer to what Ladies are looking for... And notice I said Ladies.... Every Female isn't a Lady And please enjoy the Boys 2 Men Live Show of Thank You In Advance (Someone commented about the post being reminiscent of the song and I can't help but agree!!)**

Excuse me if I’m interrupting you, but I’d like to formally introduce myself. I know that we often move in the same circles and know the same people, but we’ve never had the opportunity to speak face to face … that is, until now. Look, I know I only have but a fleeting moment to capture your attention, so I’ll get straight to the point…

I think you’re fly.

I do.

It’s just the way that you carry yourself, the way that you encourage others, and the way that you fearlessly pursue your goals … I’m hooked. Well, as hooked as one can be off of first, second and third impressions.

I’d like a fourth

… and possibly a fifth.

With those impressions, I’d also like the chance to leave one of my own—one that reveals to you a guy who isn’t trying to promise you the world on day one, but who is promising you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. You see, I’m not very good when it comes to these things, but I do know how to speak from the heart. And what my heart is telling me is that it would like just a few more moments of your time…

If that’s ok with you.





To view the actual video please click the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZQMYYFhLto

Ladies: Do you have any bad pick up lines you've heard before? Men: Is this something you think is actually doable? Do you have something better?

To my fellow NYC Residents

As I've asked around I notice WAY to many of you guys are not up on the upcoming election. We are not supposed to only vote for President people!! We need to be very in tune to what is going on in our very own backyard. This years election is especially important because we have offices that are open that will directly effect the next few years of our lives (Mayor of NY, Public Advocate, Controller, District Attorney). Many of our ancestors fought and died so we could have this opportunity. Remeber the greatest gift you can give someone in life is access.. don't take it for granted...

PLEASE take the time to read up on these candidates and make it your business to be at the polls not only on in November but also for the Primaries in September!!

Don't complain about whats wrong in NYC DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! GET OUT AND ROCK THE VOTE!!!!!

**Feel free to pass this information on to others that may not be up on the upcoming election**

Candidate (Office they are running for) link to the Questionnaire

Tony Avella (Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_tony_avella_democrat_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

Michael Bloomberg(Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_mike_bloomberg_independent_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

William Thompson (Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_william_thompson_democrat_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

Bill de Blasio (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_bill_de_blasio_democrat_for_public_advocate_candidate_.html

Eric Gioia (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_eric_gioia_democrat_for_public_advocate_campaign_.html

Mark Green (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_mark_green_democrat_for_public_advocate_.html

Norman Siegel (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_norman_siegel_democrat_for_public_advocate_.html

Alex Zablocki (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_alex_zablocki_republican_candidate_for_public_advocate_questionnaire.html

Melinda Katz (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_melinda_katz_democrat_for_controller_campaign_questionaire.html

John Liu (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_john_liu_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

Joe Mendola (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_joe_mendola_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

David Weprin (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_david_weprin_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

David Yassky (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_david_yassky_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

Cyrus Vance (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_manhattan_da_candidate_cyrus_vance_campaign_questionnaire.html

Richard Aborn (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_manhattan_da_candidate_richard_aborn_campaign_questionnaire.html

Leslie Crocker (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_campaign_manhattan_da_candidate_leslie_crocker_snyder.html

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Its been an interesting couple of months. I've been more retrospective than usual and so far I think I've been running a B+ average in Specialogy. Getting better as time goes by, stumbling and sometimes falling but maintaining focus on betterment due to a strong foundation. I've been doing so well in fact that I've been entertaining getting knee deep in the dating scene. As you well know I've been over my hiatus for awhile but I've kind of been floating around. I think that I'm good to explore my options. the first thing I shouldn't of done is tell my friends!



I've been blessed to have good people around me the majority of my life. Unfortunately some of them aren't to bright. I've noticed that my friends don't know the serious side of me very well. They aren't familiar with the relationship me. I can't blame them as majority of my life I've been single so they have only had glances of what I'm like when in a relationship. What I can blame them for is the asinine reasons I've been getting hooked up with people.




**He's Funny: a good friend of mine tried to play Matchmaker with me and a co-worker. They thought we'd make a good match because he was funny. I won't say I don't love a good laugh but I'm going to need more than funny. I ended up exchanging #s with this guy anyways to give it a try. Its been a little over a month and a half and I can say he has called me twice...maybe three times and has texted me a half million times. NO BUENO. From what little I've been able to learn about him we don't match very well and it left me wondering why my friend thought we'd live happily ever after. I've been told a time or two that my funny bone is very much in working order. People have even suggested I try stand up (SO not happening) but I am way more than a good punch line and so I expect more than that from the guys I date.




**He doesn't Drink/Smoke: If you didn't know already I don't drink or smoke. Most people who spend time with me find this hard to believe as they sometimes wonder if I'm under the influence (haha its funny cause its true). Truth is I have a natural high. A friend of a friend who knows this about me thought he should set me up with a friend of his who also didn't indulge in those activities. Now upon meeting said gentlemen I told both he and his friend that the fact that we don't drink or smoke doesn't mean its a match made in heaven. The Matchmaker replied that he knew I was a good woman and his friend is a good man so he knows we're right for one another. I decided to just give dude my card figuring I might as well give it a try. He hung around me the entire night we met and it annoyed the crap out of me but I was to nice to ask for my card back. Imagine my surprise when 2 weeks later I got no phone call. The next time I spoke to the Matchmaker I informed him he should leave it to the professionals. I received a phone call from dude that evening *insert exasperated sigh here*. Not only was the call weeks to late the conversation was entirely to dry. There was no spark and most of it was dead air. Now I don't dispute that dude may be a good dude with a horrible internal call clock but he isn't a good dude for me.




**He's Breathing. I truly love dating guys who are alive but seriously every dude with a heart beat isn't going to make mine skip one. I currently play phone tag with a ok guy. He works he calls and text occasionally. He can hold a conversation and has more than the required half a brain. But he is not for ME. As great as a guy could be doesn't mean he will be great for me. I can see him becoming a homeboy that I speak to once or twice a month but uhhhhh... I'm going to actually need a connection.




All of this just to say that my friends apparently suck at picking men for me. They aren't going deeper. Laughter is important. Being a good man is important. Being single is important. But geez people let's try to go a little deeper. If he is single, funny, and always opens the door for a lady that's great but you guys are going to need a lot more to go on than that!

Its always funny... Until somebody DIES...

My evening commute on the iron horse is always so informative. I actually learned how to cuss someone in Romanian this week; but I digress. So I'm enjoying my daily browse of the free daily paper and I come across another story of a woman who seeking vengeance over a cheating husband/boyfriend. Now I'll admit the last couple stories I've heard solicited a hearty giggle from me. Some of the more recent ones have certainly given me a gut busting laugh.

One West Indian wife woke her husband up to scalding hot water on his privates after finding out he had cheated. Another wife joined forces with 2 of her husband's girlfriends and they kidnapped and jumped him leaving him bound and possibly gagged with his penis glued to his stomach. I even read a story of non-fiction called Sister, Sister by Eric Jerome Dickey where one of the sisters found out her already no good husband had cheated and she watered down some gasoline and scared him shytless. That last one is perhaps my absolute favorite she tied him up and soaked him in the stuff and told him about himself while threatening to light him on fire. I read this story in my teens and vowed to do the same thing to my husband if I caught him being unfaithful. Years later I still got a laugh out of peoples reactions when I told them the story. But... The story I'm reading now isn't funny at all and I can't muster up a snort for the other stories now either.

This Staten Island women 'allegedly' stabbed her boyfriend to death after learning he impregnated another woman. She stabbed him in the chest and he crashed and died on the way to the hospital. Its always funny until somebody DIES!! My God! R.I.P. Mr. Braddox.

Now granted in the other situations I admitted to my friends that I laughed but I knew it was wrong. I don't think anybody deserve to be physically assaulted; even if they cheated some say those guys deserved a beat down. But does someone deserve to DIE? No!

No one is worth me losing my freedom over. If I'm ever cheated on may the Lord give me strength to remember that. Women: please know if a loser cheats on you he is not worth the time or energy plotting against him will take up. Men: I'm positive these men knew the kind of females they were stepping out on. Know who your dating. If u know u date crazy keep it in your pants! Everybody: Cheating is bad....and apparently it can get you killed so love the one your with or break it off (gently!) and find someone new.

Rose-Colored Glasses...

So I was watching So You Think You Can Dance last night in real time and needed something to do during commercial breaks. Usually I watch it on my DVR so I fast Fwd past the commercials. Since I couldn't do that I decided to do a little Blog-hopping and read a Blog by The FlyGuy about Lauren London. He had built in his head a happily ever after scenario and now that she is Lil Wayne's Baby Mama #? that won't happen. One of the comments voiced their disappointment in Lauren to even be associated with Lil Wayne and it struck a cord with me. Since when did who we mess with dictate who we are enough to illicit disappointment?

I ask because I was told a few weeks ago that I disappointed someone who liked me for some time when he found out I messed with a mutual friend a few years ago. This mutual friend has a reputation for sleeping around. I of course didn't sleep around and apparently my stock fell when he found out.

Now of course I was offended for several reasons. 1. How did he even know I used to mess with dude? Why was it the business for anyone to pass along to whomever? 2. Why did MY stock fall because HE had on rose colored glasses? 3. Since when did who I mess with dictate who I am? Now I've had several follow-up conversations with this friend and I believe the air is clear but I felt the need to put this up so the rest of you wouldn't fall prey to this kind of thinking.

In no way shape or form am I saying who we deal with has no bearing on our character. But understand that you don't know the dynamics of a persons relationship with someone for you to judge them. Also we've all at some point or another had some kind of relationship with someone who has a checkered past (maybe even present AND future too). Either way judge not for you also will be judged.

To shed some light: this person I messed with I was aware of his reputation. He had become very known around the city business wise and some of that has gone to his head. But I'd known this person for YEARS by this time and got to know him WAY beyond his reputation of the last few years. We are all multifaceted human beings and are made up of so many different layers. This guy is no exception. His reputation undoubtedly eclipsed his true character. But it wasn't the core of who he was (or is for that matter). And why do people always assume the negative anyways? If I'm supposed to be this great person doesn't my friendship to this guy show there maybe more to him? Why did it have to mean there was less to me?

The problem I see in this whole scenario is not in my relationship with this guy; it lies within the relationship with the guy who was disappointed. He and I have known of each other for few years but we actually only really became friends this year. He was introduced to me by another friend and we would always say hello but it wasn't that deep. I'm assuming that through this limited interaction as well as things he may have heard from the person that introduced us he was able to see the kind of person I was. By his admission, he had me up on a pedestal. Granted I was flattered but I was quick to remind him I'm not perfect and he shouldn't have put me up there. As previously stated we are all multifaceted individuals. Yes I do consider myself a virtuous woman but I do have good and bad in me. NO ONE should ever think I am perfect.

I told dude his disappoint in me sounded like a personal problem. And that commenter's disappointment in Lauren London is a personal problem. If YOU'VE placed someone on a pedestal especially if its not someone you know very well the problem has already begun. Anything that person does from that point on is subject to have them tumbling off and that is thru no fault of their own. Take off your rose colored glasses and view people with new eyes. View them as they are NOT who you want them to be. Throw out those glasses people.

Author Unknown...

I have no idea who wrote this but every time I read it, it resonates deep inside me. Figured I'd share with you guys.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
'What kind of man are you looking for?'
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?'
Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.
She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter.
I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more.I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.
I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity20in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.
I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.
When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.
She replied, "I'm worth a lot".

Enlighten Me

So I come to you today seeking enlightenment. I've been getting the side-eye, smirks, and shakes of the head lately for comments I've made about weeding out undesirable. Now I'm just curious because a lot of the reasons I've ceased to consider dating some of these dudes I thought wasn't unreasonable. So... that only leaves me with the question: When did Women become so accepting of low standards?? Why is it that me asking for the minimum is deemed as seeking "High Standards"?

Just to clarify for you guys I can give you some of the reasons I've weeded out some dudes:
*Main mode of conversation is thru text. Now I am a 26yr old female not 16 or 15. Why would any dude who wants me to believe we are worthy of each others time text me all the time? I have a cell phone, house phone, and a job phone. That's 3 different ways to call me but you want to text me all the time? SMH I'm going to need more than the occasional text message. If I met dude online (Special is NOT above online dating) I can get down with emails back and forth for a minute before I give my number and we converse some more. But please Please PLEASE do NOT text me to death. I just don't understand why men in their late 20s and early 30s want to spend majority of their free time texting OMG, ttyl, and other madness. AGAIN SMH....

*Lack of faith/No respect for my faith. I wouldn't consider myself a bible thumper (wateva that is lol I heard the term on another blog and apparently its NO BUENO) but I do love me some JC. I go to Church and bible study regularly, read my bible, and try to please, trust in and acknowledge God in all that I do (wait maybe I am a bible thumper). Its difficult for me to consider a relationship with someone who has no or doesn't respect my faith. I'd only become annoying to them and I don't need them trying to coax me to sin however innocent it may be. And please don't get me wrong. Mr. X is saved and when we started dating I wasn't. I look back at some of the things I said or did that wasn't respectful to his faith and I did it without knowing so it does happen.

*Not corresponding regularly. Ok so at least 3 dudes have responded "Wow" when I informed them I didn't remember them after they texted/IM'd me randomly one day. I've stopped saving numbers in my phone becuz I got tired of deleting guys out eventually; so anyone that calls me regularly I recognize their #. But if you call me once a month and you deem this "courting me" why would you be surprised that I don't remember you? You yourself opened the conversation saying "Long time no chat". I will admit I get busy every so often and don't link people but if its someone I'm interested in I start off with a hi this is special then an apology for being MIA linked with minor explanation and then I say how have u been.

*Dates. Ok I had to throw all my issues with dates in dis one paragraph. 1. Why are u asking me out on a text msg? A voice call is needed for an invitation to hang out. 2. Why are u asking me out when you don't know me very well? I've noticed people are quick to say let's hang out and they haven't learned your last name yet. Can't we converse a bit before you decide you want to spend money on me? In the amount of phone calls we could have BEFORE a date we can find out enough to figure out if we even want to hang in person. Its a recession! 3. Why are you asking me out day of? Ok I'm all for spontaneity but I do have a heavy schedule and I can't drop plans so easily. Its disrespectful to whoever I had plans with and doesn't respect my time either. Can't a sistah get some advanced notice? When people do this sometimes it gives me the impression that they believe my schedule revolves around theirs.

So please blog family enlighten me. I find it kind of sad that some have settled for this kind of behavior and think that expecting more from someone who is supposed to be courting them as high standards. If you were applying for a job and you didn't reach your interviewer would you not leave a message? One friend said "well that's important." Uhhh.. and I'm not? As far as I'm concerned at the age of 26 and no longer interested in dating for kicks and giggles there is no reason for me to be interested in dating someone who isn't ACTIVELY interested in dating me. May my standards be deemed to high. As far as I'm concerned I'm worth it.


"Don't doubt for a second that you're not valued. Or for a moment that you're not special. Don't compromise your standards because it's convenient. Or accept less than to stay en vogue. Because if you make your options few and your expectations great, your rewards will undoubtedly be spectacular, more than worth the wait."