Single, It's Complicated, In a Relationship, Engaged, Married... Swingers?

I hate relationship statuses. When your single you always have to explain yours and when your with someone there is always the question of: "do I need to even have it up?" A month or so ago I changed my status on facebook from "Single" to "It's Complicated". I had taken off that notification button where it updates all of your facebook friends about your relationship change over a year ago so it wasn't noticed for awhile. Recently though I've been getting a lot of msgs in my inbox questioning what it meant. One guy even sent me what I assume was a 4 pg letter detailing how he was so much better than dude I am currently with. When I told him I was single and I was just acknowledging that dating in of itself was complicated he proceeded to send me a 10pg letter detailing why I should stop dating weirdos and date him. To which I promptly responded even when u date non weirdos dating is complicated but either way I wasn't interested in dating him.

I can't stand when people lie on their status. A promoter friend of mine used to have "In a Relationship" on his page prior to actually being boo'd up. He used the excuse of a lot of females kept trying to holla at him so he would just put "In a Relationship" to fend them off. I told him to man up and tell them he's just not interested. It was the same thing a friend told me after they witnessed me tell a guy I have a bf just to fend him off. We're all grown enough to let someone know "Hey I'm just not that into you.." But what of those who actually have a significant other (SO)?

Relationship statuses bring so much grief. Before my last relationship there was no facebook or myspace. There was just aol and blackplanet where people barely glanced at your status anyway. So FavX and I didn't have to deal with this whole issue. When I got with Mr. X I changed my status on both fbook and myspace to the delight of some and horror of most. When it was over it went right back to Single. The status was always a cause for concern because his profile on myspace didn't have the option for a status and he wasn't on facebook at the time. I'd always wonder IF he could, would he put it up? And if he didn't what did that say? Or did it say nothing at all. He didn't think it meant anything at all, couldn't understand why I bothered to change mine to in a relationship in the first place. But he sure did make a comment about how fast it changed back to single.

I find that majority of my male friends have the same sentiment. They detest the "Relationship status". One of my friends told me he got into a huge argument with his gf because he was still listed as single on fbook. He felt everyone who needed to know he was in a relationship was already aware. Citing that it was just going to give nosey people something to talk about. But his girlfriend felt it was false advertising. Or even a desire not to claim her. My closest guy friend thinks this argument alone is enough to stay off facebook or myspace and won't touch it with a ten foot pole.

Personally I think if you have an active profile on either site and your in a relationship it should be stated. Facebook gives you the option to put who your in a relationship with; you don't HAVE to. So you can let everyone know yes you have a SO without having people trying to stalk your man/lady. But please take heed don't go from "In a relationship" to "engaged" or even "married" having not clicked that "with" button and filling it out!

What say you good people? Do you care if your current SO claims you online? Is it a big deal? Is social networking ruining your relationship?

Below you will find some other Facebook Relationship rules that are pertinent to your peace of mind!

Music is My Heart and Soul...

I sometimes wonder if my mom played music to me when I was in her womb. And if she did if I kicked and squirmed and do something off the wall... I have always felt a pull to music. I feel it in the fiber of my being. I love the beat I love the lyrics I even love the expression on the faces of those singing the song. I've been caught dancing when there is no music playing on MANY occasions. And I bop my head and tap my feet and gain the stares of curious on lookers. I inhale music too. S friend jokingly referred to me as an IPOD during a road trip out to VA Beach. We had Sirius radio playing majority of the ride and we'd be switching music stations back and forth. We played old school, new school, alternative, hip hop, r and b, everything. And regardless of the song that was playing I just sat there and sang a long. He'd turn and ask me if I knew the artist or the name of the song and half the time I did. The times when I didn't I still sang the song word for word fighting to hit every note haha! And don't try to get the mike out of my hand during Karaoke... I go IN!

I sometimes find myself listening to music when I am going through different experiences. There are different songs that I listen to when I'm happy, sad, lonely, etc. And honestly there are those times when I can hear a song that evokes an emotion in me I didn't know was there. Tears it from my soul and put it right in front of my face forcing me to acknowledge it. A song will be playing and a memory will come to mind for me. I have certain songs that ALWAYS pull a certain something out of me. There are certain songs that remind me of certain people in my life. It blows my mind that it even has that kind of power over me. Here is a snippet of my love affair with music.

**When I dance around my living room I start with: Beach Boys Good Vibrations Honestly this song really does help to bring for good vibrations when I am feeling down. It gets me pumped and ready to allow the music to heal me. After I run this track two or three times I usually am ready to let the MP3 player run at random. I'll slow dance, cha cha, do a jitter bug.. But first.. I need to be hit by the Good Vibrations...

**Song that ALWAYS brings tears of thanks to my eyes: Byron Cage I will Bless The Lord Whether I'm in Church or at home or on the street.. this song plays and my eyes well up. I just get consumed by the awesomeness that is Jesus and I'm blown away that he loves me in spite of me. It reminds me that his Grace even before I was saved carried me and it just lifts me up. Reminds me that regardless of my situation I WILL BLESS THE LORD...

**Yahoo Music Station that is playing at work: Adult RnB with the occasional switch to Gospel I work at a Mental Health apartment facility so needless to say it can get interesting...often. The Adult RnB station is in heavy rotation and it keeps me calm and far away from Burnout... When I need a extra healing I switch to the Gospel station to remember how fortunate I am...

**Song I want played at my Funeral: Cool and The Gang Celebration I don't care how I died, I don't care who went with me, I don't want my family and friends to focus on me being gone. I want them to Celebrate the good times that we had. I don't want people wearing black either. Bright colors and white. The wake (nights leading up to the funeral) they can mourn all they want. But when it is time to say good bye.... I want tearful smiles...

**New School Group That Heals Me: 112 Any Album Especially the first one In college I really grew into a passionate individual. I went through some ups and downs that surprised me and through it all whenever I would feel like I couldn't go on.. I'd sit in my room turn off all the lights and just let 112 play. Sometimes for a whole day. Id go to sleep and wake up to their voices and sometimes it didn't even matter what song was playing.. It was just something about their voices that would lift me up and soothe me...

**Old School Group That Heals Me: Earth, Wind, and Fire This group is... just phenomenal.. There are a lot of old school groups and artists that I absolutely LOVE but there is something about Earth, Wind, and Fire that gets me up gets me dancing. Not toe tapping, not bopping my head UP AND MOVING UP AND GROOOVING..

**Music TV Station: Music Choice RnB Soul I go to sleep, wake up, shower, dress, you name it to this channel. There are sometimes DAYS that come and go where I don't change the channel. It has to be a really good reason that makes me switch it from this channel. I'm even guilty of being late because I didn't want to leave while a song is playing...

**Songs Currently Haunting Me: Anthony Hamilton Point Of It All This song is currently in heavy rotation. I don't have it saved anywhere. I turn on my TV and it'll be playing on Music Choice. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and if I forgot to turn off the TV its playing. I'll wake up in the morning and that last line is fading out.. "And the point of it all... I Love You Whenever we're apart It damn near starves my heart I don't want to be apart"...

**Song that always gets me upset: Michael Jackson They Don't Really Care About Us This is self explanatory. There are so many ills in our world whenever I hear the song and am reminded I want to get up and start a rally or something Haha..

**All Time Favorite: Luther Vandross... Honestly there is maybe only one or two songs that he has EVER made that I'm not a big fan of. And that isn't even saying I don't LIKE the song. It just wouldn't be the first one I played. Luther is an Amazing Artist. I LOVE Michael... but there is just something soooo soulful about Luther that gets me EVERY time.. Michael and Prince come up right behind him though....

We'll those are a SMIDGEN of the songs that have impacted me. What songs move you, vex you, tear you down, or build you up?

Forget... Remember... Forget... Remember...?

So as I was getting ready for work this morning the PIX morning news did their segment where they chat around the table about current issues. Up for discussion today was the recent death of Patrick Swayze (R.I.P. I AM a fan of Too Wong Foo gosh darnit YOU ROCK!) and a pill that may be hitting the market soon. Though I am deeply saddened that not just Hollywood but another family has lost a cherished loved one I don't want to talk about death. There has been far to much of that as is these days. I want to talk about this pill..

This pill that I didn't pay enough attention to get the name of allows you to forget memories. Yes FORGET memories! The painful ones, the embarrassing ones, the ones that even make you blush; on some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind stuff(Jim Carrey movie. You don't know it? Shame on you!). The pill's basic function is the ability to erode certain parts of the brain that stores memory.

Now a year ago I wouldn't even be posting this entry: 1. I didn't have a blog where would I put it? On the wall of the subway stations? 2. I'd be to busy pre-ordering the pill to sit here and type insightful(?) musings on my blackberry. I'd be feening for such a pill. I'd get up, or rather, not sleep to be the first one on line when they started handing them out I was so desperate to forget certain things. Such a pill would be considered God sent. And THAT is NO BUENO...

Working in the field of Mental Health I'm privy to the knowledge of lots of pills that are helping a lot of people. People who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) could use this pill. I used to counsel Vietnam Veterans who YEARS later would be plagued by memories of fallen comrades or even the atrocities of war. So there is a demographic that could benefit from all this; but what of everyone else? The ones who have no disorders but just things they'd like to forget. This pill I could see being a big seller on the black market. Such a pill would not be good for these people. Some questions brought up with the news team was how do we know which memory we get to lose? You may try to lose the memory of a cheating ex and end up forgetting the first time you rode your bike without the tricycles on it. You might want to forget the time you walked half a block down madison avenue with your skirt tucked in your panties but you forget the first time your husband said "I love you".

And what of those other times you endured something you'd pray to forget but you got a lesson from? You lose the memory you lose the lesson? "There is no coming to consciousness without pain". With the pain now gone is your conscious rid of the ability to discern how to go about a similar situation in the future? I'm an advocate for remembering the good, the bad, and even the ugly. Without becoming bitter you can hold on to all of these memories and learn from them. If you don't remember the feeling of being burned what's going to keep you from sticking your hands in the fire?? How could you share your testimony... if you can't remember it...?

As this is just My 22 Cents I know others may feel differently. What about you...? If you could what would you forget?... And ya know what.. for good measure you should probably list whatever it was... You know.. so when you forget I can remind you just in case you change your mind later haha... :-D

One Year Down

Every so often I go to HoneyMag.com and read their ezine. Its something I've done off and on for almost two years now. They have lots of articles and its where I first found out what blogs were. There were a few that I would check regularly; like A Belle in Brooklyn. There were a couple others whose names I can't remember. One in particular that I've thought about a lot in the last few days; was written by a woman somewhere on the west coast I believe and it was an OK blog. As I've taken more of a look at the blogging community I've read far more interesting ones but one particular post she did has captured my memory. She wrote a post about completing her 1st year of celibacy. Its probably at the forefront of my brain now because I too have a year of celibacy under my belt after this last weekend. I don't have a specific date as Labor Day marks the spot of my last game of varsity tonsil hockey.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Accomplished? Eh I guess. Its just one year after the initial 3 months I hit my stride. Though in December I was going thru so much withdrawal I felt like a dope fiend. Excited? Mmmm... yea I'm that too I suppose. This is my equivalent to shouting it out on the roof tops. When I really sit and think about it... I'm just glad its over and now I'm rolling up my sleeve because I feel like I just completed the easy part.

You see I've gone without sex before; for much longer too. I didn't even lose my virginity till the ripe old age of 21 (to the disbelief of many and to this day many people STILL don't believe me). And though I enjoyed sex VERY much its not something that I couldn't go without. But for the past year I wasn't even dating anyone seriously and I didn't care too either. So there was no real temptation to deal with; minus some minor incidents. I have yet been faced with the opportunity to look sex in the face and say "Thanks, but no thanks". This year I've just laid the foundation.

This year I've been given that opportunity to come to terms with my celibacy. I was celibate for months before I even mentioned it to any of my friends. And even still longer before I could say it without shooting it out of my mouth like a bullet; just wanting to get it over with. I knew the weirded out looks and questions would follow my confession. I already knew how most of them felt about it as an X and I had given it a go before and they let me know then that it was ridiculous.

Now I look em square in the eye and remind them I'm celibate (I think some of them like to repress the memory of me telling them the first time so they tend to need some reminding). Friends that didn't know before that find out give me those weirded out looks I know all to well and I smile back. They ask questions and I answer with ease. And when thrown the sarcastic "Well good luck finding a man that way" I answer with unshakable faith in God to make the impossible possible. OK granted I need to remind myself of that one from time to time but motivation like bathing should be done daily; more than that on days when the heat is ON.

So as of right now I'm gearing up for the next round. The foundation is laid and now I'll be put to the test: dating. Telling a friend is different than telling someone who is interested in dating you. I've been told I have a body built for sex; curves in just the right places not to much and just enough(God blessed me with a great figure but it wasn't made for that). Imagine having to tell someone they won't be getting ANY of it until I've walked down an aisle with all white and a ring on. Ha! That IS the plan too you know. If I fall at some point before that happens I'll get back on and give it a go again.

But right now there is no looking back. I'm a year in and who knows how long to go and I am going to roll up my sleeve and push on. I know people who have 10, 15, and 30 yrs behind (please lord don't make me wait that long! Ha!) them. Its going to be a long (again Lord I'm just saying lets not make it TOO long) and interesting ride...

I'm Sorry Mr. President

I've been forming this particular entry in my mind for awhile now. I did a entry not to long ago stating a Woman needs to be a Queen if she wants to be blessed with a King. I still stand by that and now I'm out again to speak to the guys. Your a special case; you can't just be King. You need to be King, Priest, and Prophet.

I first came across this theme months ago listening to a teaching from Bible Study entitled "Why Can't We Get Along" which discussed some of the difficulties men and woman face while dating (Fabulous teaching find it and more great ones at http://www.chrisburgeministries.org/). At the time I heard the theme I understood it but having had an opportunity to marinate on it awhile I've realized its importance.

King in Scripture very generally used to denote one invested with authority, whether extensive or limited. I am a Queen (or rather one in training lol I still got some relationship kinks to work out); and the only suitable mate for a Queen is a King. A King that is well aware of his position and the responsibility that comes with it. He is the provider (and that is not just in terms of dollars and cents), protector, and is called to lead("with a humble heart and loving service to your wife"). Also the bible talks about this little thing called submission that has been misconstrued far to often. God NEVER said we are inferior to our mates. "Headship" means that God has called the man to lead his home—and will therefore hold him personally responsible for what goes on in his home. The emphasis is on responsibility and accountability, not on authority and power.” To submit to your mate is not weak. Women was created to be Man's help mate so it is clear that we must recognize his role and put him first. As his help mate we must understand that he has the final decision. Notice I said FINAL decision; whatever the issue it should be discussed amongst you both before a final decision is made. While dating you should be looking for traits that let you know that you can respect and trust the decision your mate makes. If he wasn't good with his finances when he was single, if he hasn't fixed the issue by time he says "I do" don't expect good financial decisions to be made for your family. No I'm not telling you to let your husband run your family to the poor house; I'm telling you to take preventative measures BEFORE you get married so you can trust in those decisions later.

Priest At first every man was his own priest, and presented his own sacrifices before God. Afterwards that office devolved on the head of the family, as in the cases of Noah (Gen. 8:20), Abraham (12:7; 13:4), Isaac (26:25), Jacob (31:54), and Job (Job 1:5). Your mate is charged with making sure the family is spiritually grounded. Laying the foundation for his Queen and their children. He needs to not only pray WITH his family but pray FOR his family. He must set an example for them to help with their spiritual growth. He has to know and make sure his family knows he is in 'power' but God is in control. He has to "lead his wife and children into God's presence for worship, to remind them of God's Grace and mercy in forgiving their sins and to intercede on their behalf".

Prophet was a spokesman for God; he spake in God's name and by his authority (Ex. 7:1). He is the mouth by which God speaks to men (Jer. 1:9; Isa. 51:16), and hence what the prophet says is not of man but of God (2 Pet. 1:20, 21; comp. Heb. 3:7; Acts 4:25; 28:25). A man needs to have a vision for his family. Not a only a vision for HIS future, but his entire families future. What kind of future does he see for his family? For his marriage? For his children? Is he thinking in terms of generational blessings? Generational blessings will not just serve his family NOW it will serve his family long after he has passed and gone.

Now just yesterday while talking to a male friend of mine he told me I maybe looking for a needle in a haystack. Asking a man to be King, Priest, and Prophet may be a bit much he said. He told me that he and his wife operate on a governmental scale. He is the President and she is the VP. Now I'm not knocking their union at all but I encourage you all to do what works for YOU.

This would not work in my favor for several reasons. To name a few: (A)There is a not so clear separation between Church and state; that will not work in my household. (B)The president's job is temporary whereas the King's position is till death. Too many marriages these days think in temporary terms when the vows clearly state: "Till Death do us part,". Now if you made modified vows ignore that last one! (C)Also though the President is the face of the country there is still congress and the judicial system; and that brings way to many opinions into my household. Having spoken with a couple divorcees: congress not passing a bill has been the reason for many impeachments to date. I'd like my household to consist of two decision makers: King and Queen. If I wanted a group discussion I'd of got down with polygamy. (D)Lastly, I don't need to worry about campaigning, primaries and elections. NY Times nor Barack's endorsement holds a candle to God's endorsement and appointment. Therefore, no need for me to go looking for a needle in a haystack. God will present me to my King, Priest and Prophet when I'm deemed ready(see: when I finally get the major relationship kinks out and can call myself a Queen). I have faith in THAT; So I'm sorry Mr. President but I'd rather have a King, Priest, Prophet

For further study on this subject go to this website for more information it was truly helpful to me along with my own thoughts and bible study notes. http://www.cbmw.org/Online-Books/Building-Strong-Families/The-Husband-as-Prophet-Priest-and-King

THIS is How its Done...

**Admin Note: I recently read this post on http://www.flyguychronicles.com/ The post was entitled the Pleasure of Meeting you is All Mine. I find too often guys do not know how to approach women. If they aren't shouting out a million and one names to get your attention or making cat calls its something else. I haven't met a lot of guys who have mastered the art of getting a woman's attention that is both respectful, sincere, and isn't pushy. I felt TheFlyGuy's post was a lot closer to what Ladies are looking for... And notice I said Ladies.... Every Female isn't a Lady And please enjoy the Boys 2 Men Live Show of Thank You In Advance (Someone commented about the post being reminiscent of the song and I can't help but agree!!)**

Excuse me if I’m interrupting you, but I’d like to formally introduce myself. I know that we often move in the same circles and know the same people, but we’ve never had the opportunity to speak face to face … that is, until now. Look, I know I only have but a fleeting moment to capture your attention, so I’ll get straight to the point…

I think you’re fly.

I do.

It’s just the way that you carry yourself, the way that you encourage others, and the way that you fearlessly pursue your goals … I’m hooked. Well, as hooked as one can be off of first, second and third impressions.

I’d like a fourth

… and possibly a fifth.

With those impressions, I’d also like the chance to leave one of my own—one that reveals to you a guy who isn’t trying to promise you the world on day one, but who is promising you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. You see, I’m not very good when it comes to these things, but I do know how to speak from the heart. And what my heart is telling me is that it would like just a few more moments of your time…

If that’s ok with you.





To view the actual video please click the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZQMYYFhLto

Ladies: Do you have any bad pick up lines you've heard before? Men: Is this something you think is actually doable? Do you have something better?