To my fellow NYC Residents

As I've asked around I notice WAY to many of you guys are not up on the upcoming election. We are not supposed to only vote for President people!! We need to be very in tune to what is going on in our very own backyard. This years election is especially important because we have offices that are open that will directly effect the next few years of our lives (Mayor of NY, Public Advocate, Controller, District Attorney). Many of our ancestors fought and died so we could have this opportunity. Remeber the greatest gift you can give someone in life is access.. don't take it for granted...

PLEASE take the time to read up on these candidates and make it your business to be at the polls not only on in November but also for the Primaries in September!!

Don't complain about whats wrong in NYC DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! GET OUT AND ROCK THE VOTE!!!!!

**Feel free to pass this information on to others that may not be up on the upcoming election**

Candidate (Office they are running for) link to the Questionnaire

Tony Avella (Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_tony_avella_democrat_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

Michael Bloomberg(Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_mike_bloomberg_independent_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

William Thompson (Mayoral Candidate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_william_thompson_democrat_for_mayor_campaign_questionnaire.html

Bill de Blasio (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_bill_de_blasio_democrat_for_public_advocate_candidate_.html

Eric Gioia (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_eric_gioia_democrat_for_public_advocate_campaign_.html

Mark Green (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_mark_green_democrat_for_public_advocate_.html

Norman Siegel (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_norman_siegel_democrat_for_public_advocate_.html

Alex Zablocki (Public Advocate) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_alex_zablocki_republican_candidate_for_public_advocate_questionnaire.html

Melinda Katz (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_melinda_katz_democrat_for_controller_campaign_questionaire.html

John Liu (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_john_liu_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

Joe Mendola (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_joe_mendola_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

David Weprin (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_david_weprin_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

David Yassky (Controller) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_david_yassky_democrat_for_city_controller_campaign_questionnaire.html

Cyrus Vance (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_manhattan_da_candidate_cyrus_vance_campaign_questionnaire.html

Richard Aborn (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_manhattan_da_candidate_richard_aborn_campaign_questionnaire.html

Leslie Crocker (District Attorney) http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election_2009/2009/08/23/2009-08-23_campaign_manhattan_da_candidate_leslie_crocker_snyder.html

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Its been an interesting couple of months. I've been more retrospective than usual and so far I think I've been running a B+ average in Specialogy. Getting better as time goes by, stumbling and sometimes falling but maintaining focus on betterment due to a strong foundation. I've been doing so well in fact that I've been entertaining getting knee deep in the dating scene. As you well know I've been over my hiatus for awhile but I've kind of been floating around. I think that I'm good to explore my options. the first thing I shouldn't of done is tell my friends!



I've been blessed to have good people around me the majority of my life. Unfortunately some of them aren't to bright. I've noticed that my friends don't know the serious side of me very well. They aren't familiar with the relationship me. I can't blame them as majority of my life I've been single so they have only had glances of what I'm like when in a relationship. What I can blame them for is the asinine reasons I've been getting hooked up with people.




**He's Funny: a good friend of mine tried to play Matchmaker with me and a co-worker. They thought we'd make a good match because he was funny. I won't say I don't love a good laugh but I'm going to need more than funny. I ended up exchanging #s with this guy anyways to give it a try. Its been a little over a month and a half and I can say he has called me twice...maybe three times and has texted me a half million times. NO BUENO. From what little I've been able to learn about him we don't match very well and it left me wondering why my friend thought we'd live happily ever after. I've been told a time or two that my funny bone is very much in working order. People have even suggested I try stand up (SO not happening) but I am way more than a good punch line and so I expect more than that from the guys I date.




**He doesn't Drink/Smoke: If you didn't know already I don't drink or smoke. Most people who spend time with me find this hard to believe as they sometimes wonder if I'm under the influence (haha its funny cause its true). Truth is I have a natural high. A friend of a friend who knows this about me thought he should set me up with a friend of his who also didn't indulge in those activities. Now upon meeting said gentlemen I told both he and his friend that the fact that we don't drink or smoke doesn't mean its a match made in heaven. The Matchmaker replied that he knew I was a good woman and his friend is a good man so he knows we're right for one another. I decided to just give dude my card figuring I might as well give it a try. He hung around me the entire night we met and it annoyed the crap out of me but I was to nice to ask for my card back. Imagine my surprise when 2 weeks later I got no phone call. The next time I spoke to the Matchmaker I informed him he should leave it to the professionals. I received a phone call from dude that evening *insert exasperated sigh here*. Not only was the call weeks to late the conversation was entirely to dry. There was no spark and most of it was dead air. Now I don't dispute that dude may be a good dude with a horrible internal call clock but he isn't a good dude for me.




**He's Breathing. I truly love dating guys who are alive but seriously every dude with a heart beat isn't going to make mine skip one. I currently play phone tag with a ok guy. He works he calls and text occasionally. He can hold a conversation and has more than the required half a brain. But he is not for ME. As great as a guy could be doesn't mean he will be great for me. I can see him becoming a homeboy that I speak to once or twice a month but uhhhhh... I'm going to actually need a connection.




All of this just to say that my friends apparently suck at picking men for me. They aren't going deeper. Laughter is important. Being a good man is important. Being single is important. But geez people let's try to go a little deeper. If he is single, funny, and always opens the door for a lady that's great but you guys are going to need a lot more to go on than that!

Its always funny... Until somebody DIES...

My evening commute on the iron horse is always so informative. I actually learned how to cuss someone in Romanian this week; but I digress. So I'm enjoying my daily browse of the free daily paper and I come across another story of a woman who seeking vengeance over a cheating husband/boyfriend. Now I'll admit the last couple stories I've heard solicited a hearty giggle from me. Some of the more recent ones have certainly given me a gut busting laugh.

One West Indian wife woke her husband up to scalding hot water on his privates after finding out he had cheated. Another wife joined forces with 2 of her husband's girlfriends and they kidnapped and jumped him leaving him bound and possibly gagged with his penis glued to his stomach. I even read a story of non-fiction called Sister, Sister by Eric Jerome Dickey where one of the sisters found out her already no good husband had cheated and she watered down some gasoline and scared him shytless. That last one is perhaps my absolute favorite she tied him up and soaked him in the stuff and told him about himself while threatening to light him on fire. I read this story in my teens and vowed to do the same thing to my husband if I caught him being unfaithful. Years later I still got a laugh out of peoples reactions when I told them the story. But... The story I'm reading now isn't funny at all and I can't muster up a snort for the other stories now either.

This Staten Island women 'allegedly' stabbed her boyfriend to death after learning he impregnated another woman. She stabbed him in the chest and he crashed and died on the way to the hospital. Its always funny until somebody DIES!! My God! R.I.P. Mr. Braddox.

Now granted in the other situations I admitted to my friends that I laughed but I knew it was wrong. I don't think anybody deserve to be physically assaulted; even if they cheated some say those guys deserved a beat down. But does someone deserve to DIE? No!

No one is worth me losing my freedom over. If I'm ever cheated on may the Lord give me strength to remember that. Women: please know if a loser cheats on you he is not worth the time or energy plotting against him will take up. Men: I'm positive these men knew the kind of females they were stepping out on. Know who your dating. If u know u date crazy keep it in your pants! Everybody: Cheating is bad....and apparently it can get you killed so love the one your with or break it off (gently!) and find someone new.

Rose-Colored Glasses...

So I was watching So You Think You Can Dance last night in real time and needed something to do during commercial breaks. Usually I watch it on my DVR so I fast Fwd past the commercials. Since I couldn't do that I decided to do a little Blog-hopping and read a Blog by The FlyGuy about Lauren London. He had built in his head a happily ever after scenario and now that she is Lil Wayne's Baby Mama #? that won't happen. One of the comments voiced their disappointment in Lauren to even be associated with Lil Wayne and it struck a cord with me. Since when did who we mess with dictate who we are enough to illicit disappointment?

I ask because I was told a few weeks ago that I disappointed someone who liked me for some time when he found out I messed with a mutual friend a few years ago. This mutual friend has a reputation for sleeping around. I of course didn't sleep around and apparently my stock fell when he found out.

Now of course I was offended for several reasons. 1. How did he even know I used to mess with dude? Why was it the business for anyone to pass along to whomever? 2. Why did MY stock fall because HE had on rose colored glasses? 3. Since when did who I mess with dictate who I am? Now I've had several follow-up conversations with this friend and I believe the air is clear but I felt the need to put this up so the rest of you wouldn't fall prey to this kind of thinking.

In no way shape or form am I saying who we deal with has no bearing on our character. But understand that you don't know the dynamics of a persons relationship with someone for you to judge them. Also we've all at some point or another had some kind of relationship with someone who has a checkered past (maybe even present AND future too). Either way judge not for you also will be judged.

To shed some light: this person I messed with I was aware of his reputation. He had become very known around the city business wise and some of that has gone to his head. But I'd known this person for YEARS by this time and got to know him WAY beyond his reputation of the last few years. We are all multifaceted human beings and are made up of so many different layers. This guy is no exception. His reputation undoubtedly eclipsed his true character. But it wasn't the core of who he was (or is for that matter). And why do people always assume the negative anyways? If I'm supposed to be this great person doesn't my friendship to this guy show there maybe more to him? Why did it have to mean there was less to me?

The problem I see in this whole scenario is not in my relationship with this guy; it lies within the relationship with the guy who was disappointed. He and I have known of each other for few years but we actually only really became friends this year. He was introduced to me by another friend and we would always say hello but it wasn't that deep. I'm assuming that through this limited interaction as well as things he may have heard from the person that introduced us he was able to see the kind of person I was. By his admission, he had me up on a pedestal. Granted I was flattered but I was quick to remind him I'm not perfect and he shouldn't have put me up there. As previously stated we are all multifaceted individuals. Yes I do consider myself a virtuous woman but I do have good and bad in me. NO ONE should ever think I am perfect.

I told dude his disappoint in me sounded like a personal problem. And that commenter's disappointment in Lauren London is a personal problem. If YOU'VE placed someone on a pedestal especially if its not someone you know very well the problem has already begun. Anything that person does from that point on is subject to have them tumbling off and that is thru no fault of their own. Take off your rose colored glasses and view people with new eyes. View them as they are NOT who you want them to be. Throw out those glasses people.

Author Unknown...

I have no idea who wrote this but every time I read it, it resonates deep inside me. Figured I'd share with you guys.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
'What kind of man are you looking for?'
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?'
Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.
She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter.
I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more.I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.
I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I need someone who has integrity20in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.
I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.
I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.
When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.
She replied, "I'm worth a lot".

Enlighten Me

So I come to you today seeking enlightenment. I've been getting the side-eye, smirks, and shakes of the head lately for comments I've made about weeding out undesirable. Now I'm just curious because a lot of the reasons I've ceased to consider dating some of these dudes I thought wasn't unreasonable. So... that only leaves me with the question: When did Women become so accepting of low standards?? Why is it that me asking for the minimum is deemed as seeking "High Standards"?

Just to clarify for you guys I can give you some of the reasons I've weeded out some dudes:
*Main mode of conversation is thru text. Now I am a 26yr old female not 16 or 15. Why would any dude who wants me to believe we are worthy of each others time text me all the time? I have a cell phone, house phone, and a job phone. That's 3 different ways to call me but you want to text me all the time? SMH I'm going to need more than the occasional text message. If I met dude online (Special is NOT above online dating) I can get down with emails back and forth for a minute before I give my number and we converse some more. But please Please PLEASE do NOT text me to death. I just don't understand why men in their late 20s and early 30s want to spend majority of their free time texting OMG, ttyl, and other madness. AGAIN SMH....

*Lack of faith/No respect for my faith. I wouldn't consider myself a bible thumper (wateva that is lol I heard the term on another blog and apparently its NO BUENO) but I do love me some JC. I go to Church and bible study regularly, read my bible, and try to please, trust in and acknowledge God in all that I do (wait maybe I am a bible thumper). Its difficult for me to consider a relationship with someone who has no or doesn't respect my faith. I'd only become annoying to them and I don't need them trying to coax me to sin however innocent it may be. And please don't get me wrong. Mr. X is saved and when we started dating I wasn't. I look back at some of the things I said or did that wasn't respectful to his faith and I did it without knowing so it does happen.

*Not corresponding regularly. Ok so at least 3 dudes have responded "Wow" when I informed them I didn't remember them after they texted/IM'd me randomly one day. I've stopped saving numbers in my phone becuz I got tired of deleting guys out eventually; so anyone that calls me regularly I recognize their #. But if you call me once a month and you deem this "courting me" why would you be surprised that I don't remember you? You yourself opened the conversation saying "Long time no chat". I will admit I get busy every so often and don't link people but if its someone I'm interested in I start off with a hi this is special then an apology for being MIA linked with minor explanation and then I say how have u been.

*Dates. Ok I had to throw all my issues with dates in dis one paragraph. 1. Why are u asking me out on a text msg? A voice call is needed for an invitation to hang out. 2. Why are u asking me out when you don't know me very well? I've noticed people are quick to say let's hang out and they haven't learned your last name yet. Can't we converse a bit before you decide you want to spend money on me? In the amount of phone calls we could have BEFORE a date we can find out enough to figure out if we even want to hang in person. Its a recession! 3. Why are you asking me out day of? Ok I'm all for spontaneity but I do have a heavy schedule and I can't drop plans so easily. Its disrespectful to whoever I had plans with and doesn't respect my time either. Can't a sistah get some advanced notice? When people do this sometimes it gives me the impression that they believe my schedule revolves around theirs.

So please blog family enlighten me. I find it kind of sad that some have settled for this kind of behavior and think that expecting more from someone who is supposed to be courting them as high standards. If you were applying for a job and you didn't reach your interviewer would you not leave a message? One friend said "well that's important." Uhhh.. and I'm not? As far as I'm concerned at the age of 26 and no longer interested in dating for kicks and giggles there is no reason for me to be interested in dating someone who isn't ACTIVELY interested in dating me. May my standards be deemed to high. As far as I'm concerned I'm worth it.


"Don't doubt for a second that you're not valued. Or for a moment that you're not special. Don't compromise your standards because it's convenient. Or accept less than to stay en vogue. Because if you make your options few and your expectations great, your rewards will undoubtedly be spectacular, more than worth the wait."