Maybe We Can Be Friends...

At the ripe young age of 27 Ive had my fair share of relationships. Relationships with family, relationships with friends, and of course relationships with boys(I've had A LOT of those. Not one with a man yet...but I'm working on it). Throughout my years and relationships with these people I've been loved, used, inspired, betrayed, taught, and a host of other verbs that have shaped me into this fine young lady you read before you (I rocketh majorly). I've always been a believer that (wo)man does not grow in isolation. As the name of my 3rd grade social studies book says: People need People.

I think the most important thing I did learn was that relationships are work. They are tough jobs that sometimes have sucky pay and benefits. But when you work for the right people... the experience can change you to the very core of your being. Sometimes for the good and if you don't watch yourself sometimes for the bad. I heard a quote once that went something like we aren't what happens to us but how we react to what happens to us. So you have to be mindful of all that you go through. Having the right heart attitude is very important.
But before you even get to all of that you should be mindful of the people you keep around you. The people you pour, and allow to pour into your life. After hearing the list of a good friend of mine I decided to create my own. Its a list of the characteristics I need in someone I have a relationship with. Notice I said need and not want. I'm the first person to admit I think I know everything. As human beings we think we know whats best for us but unfortunately what we want may not entirely be what we need. Also notice I said someone I have a relationship with. This isn't a list of for just the people you want to have an romantic relationship with. This goes for all people that I want to have a relationship with. That means people I'm friends with from work, school. or the nearest coffee house...or krispy kreme donut shop since I don't drink coffee. Unfortunately family doesn't necessarily have to abide by this list as you can't shake some of 'em even if you wanted to. But I digress... Here goes everything:

*Love me NOT my gift- In this day and age far too many people are opportunist. They are looking to find out how you can bless them. I'd much rather people like me for ME and not what I can do for them.

*Understand the call of God on my life- This is pretty self explanatory.. I live to please God and not man if you not with it you can kindly keep on moving..

*Encourage; not discourage- I need people around me who are going to lift me up and not try to bring me down. The crabs in a bucket mentality is not needed around me.

*Reciprocal- I'm a firm believer hat you should not ask for what you cannot give. I try my absolute best to be a good friend to the people I have in my life.. I think its fair to ask the same in return.

*Respect- Seriously in this day and age we are teaching folks to disrespect one another far more than we teach them to respect each other. I for one don't need any disrespectful folks in my circle.

*Benefit of the doubt- I need the people in my relationships to give me the opportunity to state my case before they assume I've done something wrong. If you hear something out of doors about me come speak to me before you condemn me.

*Understand that I'm a private person- I LOVE to have 'me' time. I need those around me to understand that sometimes... I just like to be alone. I'm a lot to handle at times.. even for me.. I like to just get alone and just BE

*Understands that I'm a open person- I LOVE being around people.. Haha I know after reading the last criteria your probably shaking your head.. But even though I love my 'me' time I love to give and draw on the energy of others. Yes I'm as comfortable in the center of the room full of people as I am off in the corner with a book. Its another part of me being me.

*Trust- Trust is the foundation of relationships... If I can't trust you I do not want you around me. That's it.. I need not say anymore.

*Dry shoulder- I'm not a much of a crier... but when I need a shoulder to cry on... I'd expect my friends to fill that space. If not.. what are you there for?

*Willing ear- I talk a lot (Have you not read one of my long winded blogs?) Sometimes I just need someone to... listen. Just to listen.

*Respects Boundaries- Boundaries preserve the respect in relationships. We could go back like shackles and ankles and I'd still need you to respect certain boundaries.

Now that you've seen my list what about you? What do you need (feel free to throw a want here and there) from the people you share yourself with.

Asia Monet

As stated when I first ventured down this road of high lighting some fabulous women I know I am blessed to be very good friends with many fabulous women. One of my very best friends is Plus Model Asia Monet. Now I am the first to let a chick know your not a model just because you take nice pictures and you have a high saddity camera. But Miss Monet is official. She's been featured in ESSENCE, Glamour, Venue Divas and was on the cover of Gemini Mag to name a few. She hosts XTV where she has interviewed up musicians such as Leela James, Tony Yayo, Angie Stone, Serani, etc. She's been in the NY Post as well as on the TODAY show. And most importantly she is a runway DIVA! I love her dearly and here is my interview with this fabulous phenomenal woman!!


1. What is your motivation?

I am motivated every time I step into a department store, turn on my television , walk down the street and see a billboard, open a magazine, or view a fashion runway and is confronted with a typical "standard of beauty" that is not representative of me.

2.What made you decide to begin modeling?

Growing up I always loved to pose, take photos ,and strut my walk. But it became clear to me during my college years at SUNY Albany after participating in a runway show where I received such an outstanding ovation, that the industry was missing something big!

3. What advice would you have for any women trying to break into the industry?

My first and foremost advice to aspiring models is to educate yourself about the industry. This is a business like any other in order to be on top you have to know where you are coming from to know where you want to go. The Internet is an extraordinary tool to research any and every topic involving Plus Size Modeling.

4. What makes you different?

Humility. Even though my profession requires me to be confident I remain humble. Personality has brought me along way in my journey. A lot of my business is acquired by referrals. I believe my ability and determination to remain humble as I accomplish greater things, makes me unique.

5. What impact are you trying to leave the world after you pass on

When I pass on I hope to leave a legacy of a successful career in modeling within main stream media, which inspired and opened the door for endless opportunities for women of different shades, shapes, and sizes ... Redefining the definition of "beauty".

http://www.asiamonet.com/

New Beginnings

****if you haven't done so already follow me on Twitter: Twitter.com/SometingSpecial. I also have a column (A Word from Somethin' Special) in the Ezine MarshaMarie: The above average magazine for the above average women. Check out June's issue Love Jones: Relationships at www.MarshaMarie.com Get on the good foot and do the bad thing Owwwww!****


Why do I feel like I need to apologize to an old friend when I begin writing a new blog...? I know I've been in and out for awhile. Here and gone, vowing to stay more consistent. I bet if you didn't know any better you'd think I was a man (Ha! Couldn't help myself!)! But no I am sorry lots of happenings in my life in the last few months. Come..walk with me talk with me:


**Professional: I don't know if I've ever eluded to it or not but my boss is certifiably insane. Yes she is bonkers; I diagnosed her myself. She meets u and loves you and then decides your a horrible person and that your after her for some weird reason. No this is not my own paranoia I've seen her do it with 2-r other people before she started on me. I should of taken the hint my 2 months in when I noticed 3 other people held my position in the previous year and a half. Which is why it gives me great pleasure to announce I resigned from my job. My last day is next week and I may do cartwheels throughout the facility that day.

I truly consider it a blessing from God how it all came about. I was passively looking for another job when a sistergreek, my sandz, randomly hit me on BBM and I jokingly asked if her job was hiring. Turns out they were and the next day 2hrs after emailing her my resume I got called in for an interview. God is good ain't He?

Through a lot of prayer, faith, staying humble and more patient than I think I've ever been I was given an offer and I accepted. I start at the end of the month and I am truly excited about beginning this new phase in my life. It wasn't just the bonkers boss; I have outgrown my current position and organization. And the commute was a dooooozey! I'm a lot closer to home and it gives me more incentive to purchase my car. Who wants to be the first one to fill my tank? ;-)


**Personally: Well I know I eluded to the fact that I had a roommate who was pretty crummy. Well she is gone and I finally have peace in my home. My older sister is my new roommate and though that will take some getting used to I still appreciate not having that chick here. The apartment literally feels warmer and inviting. And trust that's not a bias a friend came over and confirmed it for me. Its just a peaceful air in the apartment...as a home should be.

I also have eluded to the fact that I'd been dating someone... Well yea I am. My Mr. X is now just my Mister. My first time dating someone I'd dated before. I'd always been adamant about not being one of those people that have yo-yo relationships. They just look silly, exhausting, and a big waste of time. Well I'm a believer in 2nd chances now...just not 3rds or 4ths and God forbid 5ths. Those numbers should only be in races and at thanksgiving o_O.

We've been dating for over 6months now and I don't regret my decision at all. As cliche as it sounds sometimes you do need to let some things go to figure out if its really for you. Growing apart is sometimes better than growing together. And God is not thru with us yet so we have the opportunity now to grow together.

That's the major changes in my life right now. I'm really happy about where I am right now. I thank God for everything he has given me. But do realize God will not give you anything you can't handle; that includes the good and the bad. So please believe I was tested several times before reaching this level in the last few months. But you have to believe and have faith that your prayers will be answered. Faith without works is dead...

What new beginnings are you believing in for your self, family, work? Are you walking in that faith? Being aggressively positive despite your circumstances?

What if the Tea Party was Black...?

**Hey Ladies and Gents came across this VERY insightful article had to throw it on the blog for your viewing pleasure... ENJOY!**

By Tim Wise, AlterNetPosted on April 25, 2010, Printed on April 26, 2010http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/

Let’s play a game, shall we? The name of the game is called “Imagine.” The way it’s played is simple: we’ll envision recent happenings in the news, but then change them up a bit. Instead of envisioning white people as the main actors in the scenes we’ll conjure - the ones who are driving the action - we’ll envision black folks or other people of color instead. The object of the game is to imagine the public reaction to the events or incidents, if the main actors were of color, rather than white. Whoever gains the most insight into the workings of race in America, at the end of the game, wins.

So let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protesters — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”

Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

Game Over.

© 2010 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/

#Dear Future Husband

So I'm not really great at the whole twitter thing (www.Twitter.com/SometingSpecial) I sign in read the updates maybe say something funny or enlightening and then forget to sign back in for a day or so. One thing I do like is the trending topics. They had one a couple weeks ago: #DearFutureWife and all the guys I follow were going in. Of course the women started tweeting #DearFutureHusband. I didn't jump on the bandwagon then but this week I've been updating my BBM status with mini-notes to my future husband to the delight of my BBM friends. I decided I'd do a mini post (Yayyyy finally not long winded! lol) and give you guys a glimpse into my future marriage. Some are jokes, some are sincere, all are worthy of my future husband's attention... Hope he's reading :-)

#DearFutureHusband Love me as if you like me...

#DearFutureHusband I make the babies you do the diapers....

#DearFutureHusband I will not be making dinner in lingerie... But I can serve it that way until Jr. is at a age where he can retain memories...

#DearFutureHusband I want to be a housewife.. P.S. we will need a maid and a nanny... possibly a per diem cook...

#DearFutureHusband I love how you make me feel safe...

#DearFutureHusband Thanks for pretending not to hear me hack while I brush my teeth in the morning....

#DearFutureHusband love is an action verb and loving you is my favorite activity...

#DearFutureHusband I'm sorry about putting in Jr. in ballet classes if he wins a future reality show because of his talent you can have 10% of the prize money...

#DearFutureHusband no we can't have a threesome...

#DearFutureHusband I knew you'd be my future husband after knowing you for about a month... and it scared me shytless o_O...

#DearFutureHusband we'll have such pretty babies...

#DearFutureHusband I love dancing around the living room to old school RnB with you...

#DearFutureHusband I pretend to be sleep when you finally get in the bed and I snuggle up on you...

#DearFutureHusband I promise to cut out at least two of my weekly activities and actually spend some time at home...

#DearFutureHusband if modern science allows I'd love to share the responsibility of bringing our children into the world with you.. I do one.. You do one... Its only fair.

#DearFutureHusband I realize how lucky I am that you haven't figured out how flawed I am just yet...

#DearFutureHusband If you've figured out how flawed I am by now please read fine print of our marriage certificate.. Your stuck with me... Love ya!

So there it is 5% of what my FutureHusband should know. I had so much fun writing this after reading some of the ones people posted on Black and Bougie (ShoutOut to OneChele) I figured I'd let you guys in on the fun too...: What are some things you want your Future Wife or Future Husband to know..?

Marsha.Marie

***Follow me! Twitter.com/SometingSpecial***

As most of you know I am a lover of all things fan-tabulous. And more than that I am a lover of people who have lively goals and actually follow through with them. I am blessed to call 'friend' many women who are truly phenomenal. When I looked around and discovered how many of these women I knew I decided I wanted to showcase these women and/or the thing that makes them Phenomenal. So for the next few months you will be seeing post that feature interviews with some of these great women I know. All age groups, all backgrounds, all walks of life, and truly ALL PHENOMENAL!



Phenomenal Women: Tashima Jones Creator of Marsha.Marie



Tashima Jones and I were blessed to both be accepted into the EOP Program for a University in Upstate NY in the summer of 2001. Her lively spirit and can do attitude radiated from her small frame from that day and she has continued to do so all the years we have known one another. We recently caught up (thank you Stalkers Paradise!.. uhh I mean Facebook)and I discovered she recently launched an online ezine! I am honored to have gotten an interview with her to present to you about her new ezine and hope you guys are able to hit the web check it out and pass the info on to your friends and family. Take a peek and check out her brain child: MarshaMarie.com



1. What prompted you to begin Marsha Marie?


I’ve always had a passion for writing and the desire to create a magazine. Starting out with an entertainment magazine - Vaunt Magazine ((2006) an online magazine for marketing up & coming artists and entrepreneurs) was a short lived success. It was like a marketing hub for young talent to present their work. I found myself promoting music and behavior I didn’t even listen to or take part in. After some soul searching and growing pains, I realized I wanted to use my talent in a positive way while still making my dreams come true. Mixing my gifts to write and drive to inspire, I created Marsha.Marie (http://www.marshamarie.com/).


When standing at the supermarket’s cash register we can find magazines highlighting sex, drugs, and rock & roll 00:/. You know the celebrity drama and financial woes of the American culture. I believe God and encouragement have been shelved in exchange for disappointment and chaos. It seems as if we have become comfortable in turmoil. Marsha.Marie is like that breath of fresh air for a society of young women in need of a boost of love, happiness and direction.




2. How long has this ezine been in the making before you were able to actually go live on the site?


After dissolving Vaunt magazine in 2006 I kind of stopped working on the whole magazine dream however that passion within for writing and inspiring others thrived on. In 2008 (so like a two years ago) while sitting out for lunch with my sis and brother I let out my secret within – A hip magazine focused on God. Many can’t see how hip and God can be found in the same thought – I did. I started to work on it in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning. It blossomed into what it is now and is not close to where it will be in the future.




3. What audience are you trying to tap into?


To be honest, I believe everyone needs to be inspired. While the demographics consist of young women between the ages of 18-25 it is hard for me to condense my audience of readers. Putting people in a box can stunt their growth. I thought about a black women’s magazine but realized my European and Asian friends need encouragement too. I thought about college students and young professionals but I am so aware of those who struggle with academic and economic success. Whoever reads Marsha.Marie will be blessed so all are invited.




4. What makes Marsha Marie different from the other ezines currently out there?


Definitely the spiritual concept. Spirituality is the driving force of our life; it influences the choices we make and our behavior whether people realize it or not. Our mission is to reveal the connection between spirituality and making healthy life choices. While some magazines are borderline inspiration others are more informational. Marsha.Marie is a great balance between the two. Knowing we live in the world, though we are not of it,J, Marsha.Marie intimately provides useful tips to living a godly life dealing with worldly issues. It has the answer for all those searching to fill that inevitable void within - Christ. Practical & spiritual advice is what we do our best to provide. A relationship with God is not magical but supernatural. With that said it is imperative we do our part in living a life of abundance.




5. Where do you see Marsha Marie this time next year?


I honestly believe Marsha.Marie will be far beyond my hopes and expectations. I ultimately see this magazine in print and on the shelves right next to the cash register at your local Wal-Mart and on the subway newspaper stands. Next year I aim to have over 500 dedicated readers and impacting the lives of all who come across it online.






So my little bloggy family I hoped you enjoyed this first installment of Phenomenal Women. And trust there are many more installments to come. Feel free to let me know if YOU know a Phenomenal Women that you think should be featured. We're all family; sisters and brothers in Christ! Have you ever thought about started an ezine? What would you like to read about in a ezine such as MarshaMarie? Let me know whassup people! :-) And as always.. Be Blessed..

First 7 Things

Most of you who don't know me in my life outside of the blog don't know but for the last few months I've had living arrangement issues. To put it simply my roommate was working my last nerve! We'd had a conversation about parting ways last September and these last few months as the departure date for her loomed closer our relationship has significantly soured.

This is someone I considered a friend at one point in my life. Some friends can't be roommates; its a fact and something I've understood since my years in undergrad. I've a slight case of OCD and LOVE playing hostess in my beautiful apartment. She on the other hand isn't as neat as I am and spends majority of her time in her room; and doesn't speak...ever. Well the situation came to a head in January and we've both retreated to our rooms. Leaving the areas we share, kitchen and living room (we have our own bathrooms), abandoned and lonely.

This didn't bother me so much until a few weeks later when I was cooking and cleaning in the kitchen and I had no theme music. I used to turn the TV on in the living room to listen to music while I was in the kitchen for an extended period of time. Unfortunately use of the TV in the living room was a casualty of my roommate wars. I grabbed my laptop and pumped up di volume. It worked for awhile but didn't feel the same.

As time progressed I realized I missed a lot of things about hanging out in these common areas. Well as her departure date is less than a week away I've formulated in my mind (and now on this blog) the first 7 things I'll be doing when these rooms return to their full level of functioning:

*Curl up on my new plush sofa and start reading The Lost Symbol By: Dan Brown

*Cook/Clean dinner with RnB Soul playing from my TV in the living room.

*Come home and catch up on some of my favorite shows on DVR on the couch.

*Make some popcorn and invite some friends over for movie night.

*Dance around my living room with reckless abandon.

*Cuddle and neck on my couch with my lucky dude.

*Invite some friends over for dinner and eat at my dining room table.

Some of the simplest joys in our lives for whatever reason we miss out on. Don't let these moments pass you by.... FYI: This post was posted after she moved and the first thing I actually did was go on a cleaning and redecorating spree.. lol The OCD in me I suppose...

Do unto others....

****So if you weren't aware as yet I have become a Tweeter. So Follow me! Twitter.com/SometingSpecial I also got bored yesterday and registered for Formspring. So feel free to go to the site and ask me a question I'll be sure to check it out. FormSpring.me/SexySony17****

Lately I've been feeling a tad unappreciated. By friends, family, even people I date (yes.. I'm seeing someone; no I'm not ready to talk about it yet at length but I digress...). It seems like people love an opportunity to hear compliments or words of appreciation; but they have an issue reciprocating it to those around them.

Now I enjoy a good compliment like everybody else but I also make it a priority to let the people in my life know I love and appreciate their presence by me. I'm the kind of person that sends random messages like "I think your really great", "Your put a smile on my face today", and even the occasional ecard (someecards.com has some great cards by the way) "Its comforting to know we're equally maladjusted". Things like the aforementioned quotes that set the heart a flutter and give you warm and fuzzy feelings.

I don't do these things because I want others to do it to me as well. I do them because I think its important for people to know and feel wanted and needed if they are wanted and needed by me. It would just be nice to have people make me feel the same way every so often; And not just when something is wrong and they need cheering up or a willing ear. I find way to often I am a dumping ground for my friends negative energy, it can become irritating. And not even a "Your the Greatest!" adds insult to injury.

Then there is dude I'm seeing. I read an article that men appreciate compliments just as much as women do. So I promptly sent him a message and ended it by calling him 'Handsome'. His response was a big cheesy grin and I felt good that I made him feel special. Since then I've continued to do so every so often and I feel like he truly feels appreciated and sexy and all that other stuff. But where is the love?! I was thinking about it this morning and I can't remember the last time I got a good ole fashion "Girl, u di bomb!". When we first started dating he would do it every so often and I got the warm and fuzzies; butterflies not bubbleguts. Now? The must I get is probably a daily hugging, kissing, or winking emoticom... *Insert blank face here that changes into half a smile* I do appreciate that I really do but I feel like I could do with some butterflies and warm and fuzzies again.

I've not stopped expressing my appreciation for my friends or my non boo but I do feel myself become increasingly frustrated that the appreciation isn't reciprocated every so often. I know they do appreciate me and want/need me in their lives but its nice to hear every once in awhile. *le sigh* So this is my open letter to them. My dear, well-meaning, idiot friends. I love you but it'd be nice to hear you love me too.

Do you ever find yourself feeling under appreciated? How do you combat it? Maybe your one of my idiot friends reading this: Get off the blog and go to someecards.com and send me a card you ra-tard!

Till 'You Break A Vow' do us part

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"Love is not what you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on".

The other day I was having a very interesting conversation with a fellow HS alum on facebook. His status was in reference to a statement the every woman Monique said about sleeping with someone outside of marriage isn't a deal breaker. Now I didn't hear this statement myself till I saw it on his status so if he misquoted please feel free to let a sister know. Any who he eluded to the fact that trust is the hallmark of a relationship and if he found out his wife cheated he would expect her to be waiting for a cab outside with her bags packed when he got home.

He had several co-signers on that statement that think cheating is a deal breaker and their marriages would be over and done with. Now you KNOW I couldn't see that and not say anything. Not even the fact that I didn't speak to this person since HS and the last time we even fbook'd each other was months ago could keep me away.

I replied something along the lines of: "I feel you But a deal breaker? Did you not vow for or better or for worse? You might want to restructure your vows when you get married homie. *disclaimer* and I'm not talking habitual cheating.. We are human and we make mistakes who knows what could happen after you say I do. You might be the one asking for forgiveness" To which someone replied: "I agree on exclusivity. Relationships are built on trust. If there is no trust there is no foundation- the house will fall." And I said: "I completely agree on the exclusivity part. But in saying that sex outside of marriage is a deal breaker I can't agree with. If one party falls to the sin of adultery is remorseful and agrees to work on figuring out where the break down happened so that cheating even could become possible I think the other spouse should be willing to forgive. It shouldn't = the end of a marriage.. i.e. be a deal breaker. That level of forgiveness is something you need in a marriage and I'm not necessarily talking for cheating. A 50+ marriage will not get to 50+ on a bed of roses.. there will be thorns and both parties should recognize and acknowledge that... which is why in vows you say for better for worse richer or poorer in sickness and in health. If that isn't something a person can adhere to... they probably shouldn't be getting married. Personal opinion also.. trust is something that is built. and when its been broken.. it can be built back. It is that sustainable to the elements" Then my fbook friend chimed in: "I can see where you're coming from but I feel the trust is built before the marriage is agreed to. Once it has been established, the person who failed to live up to the agreement is the one that should not have been married. Not the one who fails to risk being burned a second time. Working things out is for people who can't escape the feelings and who are afraid to start over. I had been one of those people for a while and I'm glad to say I no longer am.Cut ties and tolerate nothing short of what you deserve.... Not saying this happened to me because we can never know %100 percent but if it did there is no redemption in my eyes."

We continued to go back and forth before I simply said let's agree to disagree and at our 50ths HS reunion we can finish this convo with our spouses by our side. But honestly I find it hard to believe that he will be able to stay married long if his tolerance is so low. No I do not condone cheating or anything that will hurt the marriage; I am simply saying that we must be willing to work on our relationships before we cut ties. Marriage, as I commented on his status, is the major league of relationships. When you come across a problem you don't just cut out and leave. I even put it to him as though he were the offender. 1. He is 100% sure he wouldn't do anything that could hurt his marriage and 2. If he was he wouldn't ask for forgiveness because he "wouldn't deserve it and would be ashamed". As far as he is concerned once you break a vow such as cheating then the other person doesn't have to stick to them either and they are free to leave. To which I put the question to him: Isn't this your other half, your best friend, etc.? If you did do something that was offensive to your marriage and you felt you couldn't go to them maybe that right there was part of the problem to which this offense occur ed in the first place. Marriage isn't just a legal contract to one another it is a much deeper commitment than that.

photo: Longest Married Couple: Herbert and Zelmyra

When I get married I have every intention of living my vows. Please reread that statement... you know what you probably won't let me say it again: I have every intention of living my vows; In sickness and in health, richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part. I intend to live that out until he or I cease to live. I am not perfect and I don't think I will meet a perfect man. He, I, or we may stumble at some point or another (and I don't mean just cheating there are many different ways you can hurt your spouse) during our marriage but I have no intention on telling him to kick rocks. Notice I said 'intention': I'm not married yet but its something I truly want to do: living my vows that is. I just feel like the inability to even discuss the issue and completely cutting all ties with your spouse is not the mindset of someone who is ready for marriage. Marriage is a bed of roses... just know that roses have thorns.

What do you think of the vows we make? Is he right? Are they only conditional upon the other persons ability to uphold them? What do you think are some of your marriage deal breakers?

I leave you with a few quote tweeted by Herbert and Zelmyra on Valentines Day:
"Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win "

Its That Time of Year Again!

****Ok... I've finally answered the million dollar question: To Tweet or not to tweet? @SometingSpecial Follow me!****

Lent is here.. (insert mix of cries of joys and groans of agony here). Some of you may not know that Lent began last week Wednesday; Ash Wednesday to be exact. Even before I was saved I practiced the tradition of Lent every year. If some of you remembered last year I gave up facebook/myspace/aim/bbm/gchat/ basically any forms of social networking. I was still blogging of course and was putting out entries every 5 seconds I had no outlet haha. This year though I have decided to give up the snooze button.

Yes I said the Snooze button. Anyone who knows me well knows I LOVE sleep. I don't get enough of it so the snooze button became my best friend. On average I hit it about three times a morning! On the very rare occasions where I don't have anyplace to be in the morning I walk up to take a afternoon nap. I have a comfy pillow top mattress and I just detest coming up from under the covers in the morning. So this is going to be a big sacrifice for me. But this is exactly what this time is about: Sacrifice. Its a time to learn what its like to do without something we think we absolutely CAN'T do without.

It is also about taking on something. I always struggle with this part of Lent as I am constantly taking on new things so I'm left struggling to find something else to do when Ash Wednesday arrives. After some thought I've decided to make sure my hands are painted. Again something most of you are left scratching your heads about. I'm not a very "girly-girl" I don't like shopping, mani/pedis, or spending hours in a hair salon. If I do paint my nails my fingers are probably clear because when they begin to chip I can never find time to redo them. Granted I do like what they look like afterwards but I always wonder when some women find time to have their nails done so regularly. So this Lent I am going to invest in myself. I am going to hit the stores buy some great colors and I am going to MAKE time to do my nails every week. Oh the joy...

Is anyone else devoting any time to Lent this year? What are you giving up? Taking on? And most important question of all: Any suggestions on fast drying nail polishes!

Live Like Your Dying

Hello My bloggy little family. I know its been awhile I was on a two week vacation. I'm back and tanned and loving it! They say Black is Beautiful; I'm darn near Gorgeous right now. But I digress The year is losing its new car smell and some of you may be forgetting all the promises you made to your self, your loved ones, and God. I'm not going to remind you. (What? I can't read your mind I don't know what promises you made!) But I am here to remind you that tomorrow isn't promised. Walk with me talk with me.

Before I left to go on vacation I had a short insignificant conversation with a male friend of mine. We'd gone to elementary and JHS together and grew up on the same block until he moved when he got to HS to another section of Brooklyn. We weren't that close but we had a shared history that enables us to converse every once in awhile and catch up with one another. He had gone from the nerdy dude with the SUPER high water uniform slacks to a pretty decent man and father. We talked about his son and some plans he had for the upcoming year and I gave him the haps on my life and how some mutual friends were doing. We parted ways with intentions of catching up again at some other point in time and went about our business.

I went on vacation had one of the best times I've had in a long time. Just an FYI I went to Trinidad for Carnival. I've gone every year, except 09, since 2005 and this year by far was my favorite time. And my last. There is a lot more of the world I want to see and jumping up in a band in TnT is something I can hold off on for a few years while I check out Asia and Africa. But again I digress.. Upon my return I sign into my facebook account to let my fans(friends) know of my return and I see a note in my inbox. Yep you guessed it. A mutual friend msg'd me while I was away to let me know our friend had died. I was in shock obviously. At the ripe old age of 26 you don't think about your mortality too often. I will admit when I was 22 and got the news that my step brother had been murdered I did get a smack of that reality; but I guess I'd forgotten.

After getting confirmation from some other friends that the funeral had been the weekend that just passed and his death was still something of a mystery because no one really knew how he died. They just knew it was a medical issue I kind of found myself in a place where I wanted to get all my affairs in order. I started to wonder if when he realized he was about to die did he have any regrets. Did he wish he had did something or that he hadn't done something. At that point I made it my business to do and say all that I needed to in case today was my last. Some people were receptive, others not so much. The point is that we shouldn't wait until we are staring our morality in the face for us to do what needs to be done.

Release that grudge

Tell that person you love them

Hold tight to those that you don't want to lose

Eat too much Chocolate Cake

Run barefoot

LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

Do NOT wait until what you want is no longer available to you to realize what could be yours. Take stock of your lives and figure out if you have been giving big time to little things and rectify that error because today is as good a time as any to not just be alive but to live.

I Don't Want To Grow Up...

The other day my Granny's best friend passed away. We used to call her Aunty Mary. I was 18 before I found out this woman wasn't my real aunt you know. As a child I spent a lot of time in her home in Guyana, where my family is originally from. Whole summers would be spent with my various cousins and siblings sleeping under this ladies roof. Some of my favorite childhood memories were at that place.

I haven't been there since I was 19 which is the last time I was in Guyana. Was supposed to go last year but had a Saturday job that kept me grounded most weekends. And a host of other excuses that I let keep me from going back to the land of my ancestors. Back to Aunty Mary. Well by the time I was 19 she was blind but she was still sharp. My older cousins(OK me too! Lol) would sneak out to go party and she could tell u what time we left and what outfit we had on! SMH

I will truly miss this woman. But more than myself I worry for my elders. My mother, aunts, and uncles saw this woman as there Aunt and could tell her things they couldn't tell their own mother. And what of their mother? My Granny? She has lost all of her siblings and she has one half sibling left, she's lost her husband as well. The last sister she lost I was there when she got the news and it broke my heart at how alone she felt. She kept saying she was the only one left. I tried reminding her of her sister who could practically be her twin only to find out she was a half sister who she didn't grow up with. As far as I'm concerned there are no half-siblings; you just love them with your whole heart to make up the difference. My Granny was not hearing that.

Now she has lost her best friend. Someone who wasn't blood but you'd never know because of their closeness. And I can't help but think "Lord I don't want to grow up!" To lose my sisters and brothers! My parents or even my cousins as we all grew up together would be such a hard burden to bear. To continue your life without the ones who have made it worth living is no easy task and I don't envy my Granny at all. So at this time I can just love on her as much as possible to help her realize she still has some of us left.

You Reap What You Sow

I know you've heard the term before. Its from the good book; the bible. At its simplest form it means: you get out what you put in. Its very true though. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in terms of relationships. Not just romantic relationships but relationships on the family and friendship levels as well. Even at work; it is WHO you know. If you don't invest in these relationships you can't reap a good harvest.

As previously stated I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Its a new year and we all tend to become reflective. What went right the previous year as well as what went wrong. I noticed the other day that I have 1600+ facebook friends. As most of you may have guessed I'm a member of a Black Greek Letter Organization (Sorority for those of you unfamiliar with the term BGLO). So a lot of these friends are Greeks I'm networking with but beyond that the majority are people I know very well. I'm a social butterfly and making new friends is something I love doing.But I found myself thinking of the numerous relationships I hold not just on fbook but off; and if I was investing into these relationships. Sadly I wasn't. I thought off all the people I call best friend, good friend, etc. and some of these folks I either wasn't fulfilling my role as friend to them or vice verse. So I decided to start investing in these relationships. Be it the ones that I wasn't doing my part or the ones where the other person was lolly gagging I made it my business to sowing into their lives.

Now I want to point out that this isn't something I began this month. We tend to reflect on the year before the ball drops but I wait until the ball drops to get to work. So this is something I have been working at for the last couple of months. I've restored some cherished relationships and realize others have reached their expiration date. The thing is though....some of these people seem oblivious.

They don't realize you reap what you sow. They expect to put nothing/bare minimum into the relationship and expect to reap the benefits of work unseen. Someone I once considered a very good friend of mine will receive an invitation to my wedding but she won't be apart of the wedding party. (No I'm not engaged... YET! Princess cut for 2010 Owwwww! Speak it into existence people). I jokingly made a comment to this friend about this and she became indignant like how dare I even joke about that. When in my head I'm thinking... Why would you expect that when you don't invest in our relationship?

I tell you all of this as a cautionary tale. Many of you may find yourself with one or two less friends this year. And when I say friend this could be someone in your family or someone your dating. Friendship is the foundation of ANY relationship and if you don't sow into these relationships you may find yourself with a very patchy harvest.

Have you found yourself in a similar reflective mode? What does your harvest look like? Or maybe you see a couple crops you will be letting go into the next season in your life? And how do you deal with relationships that you have to let go?

I Still Believe In Fairytales

So I just finished watching Enchanted.. I don't know if any of you have seen this Disney film but its actually not quite bad. It was pretty good actually. I DVR'd it a few weeks ago and actually only got to watch it this afternoon. The basics of the story is a cartoon chick is thrown into the real world after meeting Prince Charming whom she was about to get married to. Now in the real world she finds out Happily Ever After aren't definite. I won't spoil it for you by saying how it ends but its a Disney film so you probably already know.

To be honest I actually became a bit teary eyed watching the film. The film is wrapping up and I'm sitting there on my couch wrapped in what could only be called my "blankey" and my throat gets tight and my eyes start to well up. Not because the story was sad. But because one of the central themes in the story was that Happily Ever Afters do exist and its something I believe as well.

Yes big hard back tuff 26 year old Somethin Special still believes in fairytales. Growing up these stories were drummed into our minds. They told us we just had to sit and wait and some gorgeous man was going to ride up on a gorgeous horse and sweep us off our feet; make us his queen and we would live Happily Ever After. And then at some point we got older are told to wake up it can't happen. There is no such thing as a prince charming and absolutely no happily ever after. We should hope for a good 5-10yrs at the most get a prenup and always keep a side bank account because we are going to need it when we bounce out. As a matter of fact don't get married just date around awhile and best case scenario someone with some sense may live with you. Two very different extremes. But what about the middle?

What about a Happily Ever After not with Prince Charming but with the average guy who doesn't sing on cue and is a bit jaded? What about the early morning bad breath kisses, late afternoon arguing mixed in with a great makeup session kinda fairytale? The kind where you love fiercely and fight each other with passion too. The kind where you get spitting mad but know that your love is strong enough to get through whatever trial and tribulation your currently dealing with? I believe in that kind of happily ever after.

I'm not naive enough to think that Happily Ever After's aren't riddled with 'bad times' along with all those good times. But when did people stop believing that 'Forever' was the fairytale? Who started this horrible rumor that we shouldn't aspire to long lasting relationships anymore because there is no Prince, we are not Princesses, and we couldn't partner with someone to rule a kingdom? And why oh why did we believe them just as easily as we did those fairy tales we were fed as children?

I actually realized that I was amongst a small minority that still believed that kind of love existed after watching a movie with two girlfriends of mine. That was Up In The Air (another good movie by the way). Without giving out the movie there was a women in the film that kind of stepped all over the heart of one of the characters in 9 inch stilettos right when he began to think Happily Ever Afters do exist.

Now there are people like this women; men too as we all know. That wasn't what triggered my epiphany actually. It was the high fives of my two friends accompanied by the cheers and saying she was their new hero. Huh? Did I miss something? Why aspire to hurt I asked? They basically said hey love n life is like that and they'd prefer to be the ones doing it. My pleas that no one should do that and we should be aspiring to love one another actually got me the side eye. They just weren't buying the fairytale and would prefer to have fun and hurt others before they themselves got cut.

If you don't truly believe that kind of love exist outside of God then how do u expect to ever receive it? If you don't believe in Happily Ever Afters how are you ever going to have your own. Love is hard. Relationships are hard. Forever is hard. But the if you want it you have to at least believe it exist. So as I blink those tear away and cleared my throat this afternoon I proclaimed loudly in my apartment "I believe in Happily Ever Afters!" And whoever doesn't agree with me I respectfully say to you with a smile on my face "You can shove it".