Two Sides of The Same Coin

I have control issues. I'm working on them but some days I wonder if I'm fighting a losing battle. I ask the Lord to give me strength when I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed at night. And if I was completely truthful I ask again about seven times during the day.... My need to control derives from my need to understand things and people and I think we can all agree that some things/people are just not understandable (did that even make sense?). The thing that boggles my mind the most is the fact that the person I try to control the most and least understand is myself.

I am the most cynical optimistic person I know. I even have a friend that calls me Synical Special (a. I know its spelled cynical but come on it aint that serious and b. she uses my real name which also starts with an 'S' so it still works). And then on the other hand people have been calling me Sunshine. I even have the Japanese characters for Sunshine tatt'd on my lower abdomen (Ironically someplace the sun doesn't usually shine.... That Miami heat is something serious you know). As I've gone from 19 to 25 I am referred to as Miz Sunshine. I'm two sides of the same coin and sometimes it drives me nuts...

I can think of countless situations in my life when I pondered over the two very different outcomes. I know that fairy tales don't really exist and I've seen more wicked witches than Glendas (you know... the good witch) but at the same time I yearn for that happily ever after. I can't wrap my mind completely around any situation because the force of both sides is trying to get my attention. Either way I know its God's plan so I know I'd be able to get over whatever the outcome is. It's just the fact that I don't know what IT is.

Lets catch dis scenario: I walk out the house and bump into a guy I used to date way back in.. ehhh lets say college (I was a late bloomer); we exchange numbers and even hang out once or twice. My mind is ALREADY racing. I got two scenarios running through my mind: 1. We go out for a couple months to a few years get married and I get a set of twins and then a set of triplets and I get to start a band Owwwwwww RHO-ck on. I'm a hopeless romantic what can I say. Then there is 2. I hang out with dude a couple more times and then I find out the dimwit is friends with another friend of mine and that he has a girlfriend he has been with for four years. They live together and she is expecting... twins. What a drag.

Lets try another scenario: I walk outside the house and while spotting a cutey that looks kind of like this guy I used to go to college with I get my big toe run over by this car making a turn by the curb. I am chillin in the hospital and two scenarios are running through my mind: 1. My toe will be fine. Honestly it was kind of jacked up already and after a stay in the hospital I'm getting a bit of a face..uhh toe lift. My feet in strappy sandals will never be the same! 2. My toe is gone... GONE! Not only that this doctor is going to tell me I have to get rid of my whole leg because of some complications. What in the world?! I had finally gotten used to these sausage toes and now they AND my shapely legs will be gone. How am I going to get my band this way?! **throws cymbals on to the ground**

Hopeless Romantic.... Synical Special two sides same coin. They both kind of suck from time to time. Luckily for those around me I'm able to find a balance between the two. Or rather luckily for ME. I don't let either one completely take over. You know those ridges in between the two sides of the coin: they keep me sane. Yes I am an Eccentric Old Lady in Training but I like to err on the side of non-medicated crazy. But damn if those two sides don't get on my first, last and all the nerves in between.