So I whip out the berry and decide to use that lonely train ride to catch up and keep you guys informed and.... I couldn't do it. I started maybe 2 or 3 blogs before I even caught my rhythm on this one. I was just so mentally exhausted I couldn't summon that enthusiasm that made me pick that topic in the first place. All I feel is tired; BONE DEEP TIRED. So I decided to write about that.
You ever feel that tired? When you could just close your eyes and pass out? And it isn't even completely physical. Your tired in every sense of the word: physically, emotionally, mentally even spiritually. Your inner battery is just blown there is no more juice in it. Just thinking about what more you have to do is exhausting to you.
It has been an exhausting week on all axises (let's change week to 4 months). I tend to push myself. I have a good girlfriend of mine who shares my enthusiasm to be the best. Not just the best daughter or sister or friend etc but just simply put: the BEST. Across the board BEST. Always being able to give your best to those around you as well as in everything you do. Unfortunately for me I tend to always have so many things to do and I know WAY to many people!
Its one of the best feelings to always give your personal best....but quite frankly: its exhausting!! Once you've given your best you can't decrease. You have to always be ON. The only time your allowed to really be off is when your alone or with someone who is strong enough to accept you when your not ON (they are few and far between trust me!) So they can help you recharge that battery. I do have some people I can do that around (which I consider a blessing) but when work, sorority, etc. come in its hard not to.
And no please don't confuse me for a 'pleaser'. I am about making those around me happy but their happiness doesn't supersede my own (I figure I have time for that once I start birthing babies). Excelling wherever I am is a personal standard for me. Its just something I've always strive'd for; with the realization that being the BEST in all I do isn't actually attainable. But the way I see it you should reach for the stars because it'll ensure u will at least reach the sky.
(Flash fwd to me getting home showering falling into the bed and sleeping through my alarm)
When I get this tired I always need a few days to recharge. I think the last time I recharged was in August 08. I have to take the time off or I'll implode or something. I take a few days off and I don't answer most calls, don't go to work, meetings, or anyplace else besides my bed and couch. I finally watch all the shows I've DVR'd and the DVDs I've bought. I sleep past 10/11 and I alternate between going to bed early and late. I read a couple books (Bible included). I bake a couple cakes and of course work out a little too. I take really long showers and dance around my living room in a big t-shirt leggings and socks. And since becoming saved I've beefed up my conversations with God during this time. Its my own personal recharging heaven. And when its over I'm ready to go in again. Ready to be the BEST. My mind, body, soul, and spirit have been renewed.
If I could change or rather the only thing I'm changing now is being the BEST to ME and making sure I recognize when this level of tiredness is approaching. So I can do my 'recharge' before I run out my battery. I don't ever want to stop striving to be the BEST: its what keeps me blessed. Its part of my driving force. I'm an ~Aries~ I can't help it. And honestly people deserve my BEST even if they give me their worst (that's an entry for another time). As I get older I'm learning to be the best at being the best.
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