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Love it or Hate it... Its my story and in some ways its yours too.. SomethinSpecialBlog@Gmail.com

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Happiest New Year



 
I used to wake up and end every day in prayer and thanksgiving...Some where along the line of 2013 it became sporadic and stopped all together. I became so bogged down in the silly details of ever day/week/monthly things. I cried a lot and prayed a little. I'm ecstatic to see 2013 go as it's been one of the worst years of my adult life.


Financially, Relationships, Professionally, Spiritually, etc. I was tested on so many different levels. At the end of the year I was able to come out on top but dammit if I wish it didn't have to go down the way it did. Things I said I would never do I did. Things I said I would get better at I didn't even try. 2014 isn't about starting anything new really... it's all about me going back to what makes me great. Back to dance. Back to writing. Back to the gym consistently (fell off last month) and eating right. Back to valuing myself the way God does. Walking in the fact that I am beautifully and wonderfully made.. Focusing on my future and ultimately MY happiness.

Because going back to whats important allows me to catapult myself into my future. See 2014 isn't about 2014 for me. 2014 is about everything that happens after the year is over. Everything that happens after today, tomorrow, and next week. Sowing seeds in good ground and seeing the vision I have for my life come to fruition. Paying my last student loan payment, Getting married and having beautiful children. Becoming a licensed Therapist. Inspiring others to become a better version of themselves daily near and far. Maybe even teaching. 2013 tried to kick my butt and the experience left me realizing that I need to do a better job at protecting whats mine: my destiny. I'm begrudgingly grateful and willing to kick my own butt now to ensure my future is actually something to look forward to.

Only way I'm going to be able to do that is by also going back to praying first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Remember that Christ is my foundation and my ultimate cheerleader. 2014 is the year I don't just show up..but the year I show out. I was challenged, threatened, emotionally and financially beaten in 2013. In 2014 I plan on spitting in 2013's face and saying "That's all you got?! Now watch me work!"

Happy New Year!!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Same old Song, Same old Me...

I absolutely adore Pandora. It gets me through my work day and allows me to stay on a treadmill for more than 15mins. While at work I usually have my Beyoncé play list going hard. The awesome thing about this particular play list is one minute I'll be listening to Beyoncé's Countdown and then next thing I know the Temptations My Girl comes on then I take a phone call and David Crowder Bands' How He Loves Us comes on then I blink and Hootie and the Blowfish's Time is on and I'm in my office screaming "Turn that ish up! That's my jam!". Pandora listener's there is power in 'liking" particular songs..

Its my most eclectic play list and I absolutely adore it. It always plays just the right songs at just the right time. I'll be pissed off at the boo (Yes.. I have a boo now...More on that in another post on another day.) and Anthony Hamilton's The Point Of It All comes on. Or I'll be feeling under appreciated at work and Daniel Powter's Bad Day comes on. This Beyoncé play list...It just.... it gets me!

So when I started having the itch to write again I wasn't surprised when Nine Days' This is The Story of a Girl seemed to play all day everyday. I actually changed the name to this blog after hearing it again for the first time after years. This tune was the source of many teenage jam sessions in my living room. The song lyrics don't actually speak to me but man is it a catchy tune. What actually drew me to change the name of the blog is the song title..

As awesome as I am perceived to be, as confident, as sexy, as smart, as fabulously as I am known to others.. Deep down I'm really just a girl. Underneath all my bravado I am shy, scared, doubtful of myself and confused sometimes. Don't get me wrong I am happy and I am still awesome sauce but I'm also still human. At the end of the day I feel like a girl. I wake up I try my best to be the best. And sometimes I pass and sometimes I fail. So as I embarked on my 30th year of life grabbing adulthood by the reigns and riding the wave of ups and downs of 2013 I'm reminded time and again that I am just a girl. My inner child is alive and well. Itching to write and share her stories. So to my loyal followers who have been wondering where I've been. I'm back. And to new readers....This is the Story of a Girl. And that Girl is me.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Whitney sings my blues... and my Joys



I love music… I I truly do. I feel like everything I do should have music playing in the background. I used soca music to study while in undergrad and grad school to keep my energy up. I use RnB to relax before I go to sleep. At work I play soft rock, pop, top 40 stuff to keep me going throughout the day. And my drive to work each morning is an opportunity for me to sing as loudly along with some of my current favorite CDs (current Fav Anthony Hamilton’s Back to Love GETCHU SOME that is a great album!!!) to the chagrin of other motorist when I forget my windows are down.
When Whitney passed this month I thought about all the great music she was leaving us and as some of her greatest hits flooded radio and television stations I was reminded of home much her music moved me. If you follow me on twitter (@SometingSpecial) you might of seen this tweet: "Yo I could make a soundtrack to my love life using just Whitney Houston songs.." At the time Whitney's I want to Dance with somebody was playing. I remembered that feeling of wanting to have someone to call my own and thus a tweet was born. And it got retweeted by so many of my friends it got me thinking.. if I DID make a soundtrack... what would it look like? So here it is my Whitney Love Soundtrack.. May she Rest in PEACE!

*I Want to Dance with Somebody: First started thinking about having someone to call my booski. After being so wrapped up in my academics and my dancing I started longing for a partner in crime.
*If I Told You That: My first REAL boyfriend.. A friend of mine that I realized I had a bit of a crush on and since he felt the same we began dating and I experienced puppy love. Good times..
*I'm Every Woman: Okay so that relationship ended. I was bruised but not broken. And much more aware of how excessively awesome I was. Fresh in my sorority and applying for grad school I wasn't really thinking in relationship terms. But I was open to company at a movie or dinner. I did my thang thang.. I was killing it in school. killing it on the party scene. Dated around but  never anything serious because I was too busy being every woman.
*You Give Good Love: I got hit by the mack truck called love when I start dating Mr. Ex. Dragged into that relationship kicking and screaming but was ultimately happy there.. blind but happy.
*I'll Always Love You: Mr. Ex and I break up and I am absolutely devastated. Devastated.. I went past bruised and lived in broken for a long time.
*Didn't We Almost Have it All: Mr. Ex and I get back together at his insistence. Though mildly reluctant I was much more nostalgic about our relationship and decided to go with it.
*All The Man That I Need: I thought we were going to really make it work this time. Things were better than they had ever been before. We were older and more mature.. Or so I thought.
*Its Not Right But its Okay: I finally chuck the deuces and let go of that relationship. He hasn't changed and I finally take off the shades and recognize he is NOT the one.
*I Look To You: I Realize that I don't need a man to make me complete. Nobody does. We are all complete in Christ and at the end of the day we should allow two whole people to join not two half people.
*Exhale (Shoop Shoop):  I exhaled and understand that love sucks sometimes but its okay its all  for the good. Each relationship we go through is a stepping stone preparing us for the person we are meant to be with (Yes! I still believe in happy endings though I no longer believe in fairy tales.) Just be open to love happening.
*Million Dollar Bill: A much more mature woman I know what I want and now I'm attracting the right kind of men with the right kind of attitude. And though I haven't come across Mr. Right yet they are close.
*How Will I Know: After all the dates and the let downs.. I meet someone.. Its new..It isn't love yet and may not turn into it and that's okay. But for right now... I'm really excited to see where it goes.


This look anything like your Whitney Dating Soundtrack? What Whitney songs are on your love life's greatest hits? Do you think of some songs she wrote and wish they WEREN'T for you.. or that thankfully they aren't for you? Let a sister know...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011



2011 has been crazy as all get out interesting...I've neglected the blog in ways that I can't even attempt to apologize for. But as I've noticed this tends to be the way I've lived my life for awhile. I've neglected some friends, some family, even neglected myself. So much so that I've spent a better part of the year sick. (If its any consolation..I must say I have gotten a lot out of my health insurance plan this year...Boo-YOW!). Its a way I have lived my life for the last 15 years to say the least.


 My schedule has written more checks that my body couldn't keep this year more than any other. And my writing has suffered. My health has suffered. My relationships have suffered. When your a jack of all trades you can never been a master of none..


So I'm going to go ahead and take the advice of family and friends... I'm going to just go right ahead and.. take a seat... See how the other half lives... Sleep a little more, read a little more, dance a little more, cook a little more, play with my niece/nephew/God daughter a little more, write a little more.. Shoot maybe I can take a seat long enough to start writing that book. At this point the door is wide open for me to really just relax and do the things I love and not just the things that I feel I'm needed for. Sometimes in life we need to understand that though we are needed by many there is one who needs our love and attention far more... And that's ourselves. *kicks off shoes and relaxes her feet*

Do you have any resolutions for 2012? Maybe they're the same ones from 2011..? Find yourself doing too much as well? Any ideas on great ways to take a seat...and continue sitting?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Done and Done!!

Today I bought my first car. Words can't express how I feel today. I left the dealership singing a song I made up that sounded a little like: I got a car I got a car. I'm thinking if I get Swizz Beats to do the track and Nicki Minaj in the hook I can go triple platinum... Forreal though! Anyways...

I can't explain how good I feel right now. I feel like I've arrived. Like I've accomplished a great feat. Like I've finally got to that place where I can say: "Ok Special; they were wrong you could do it." I know some of you are probably looking at your screen perplexed like really? Is it that serious? Yes; it is that serious.

It's more than just a car. It's the culminating of all the hopes and dreams I had for my self as a young adult. I vowed to be someone I could be proud of when I was 21 and all that I've been able to accomplish coming from where I'm from is a blessing. Since setting these goals for myself I have struggled but have checked off each and everyone.

I've:
*Moved out my mama's house
*Strengthened my faith
*Excelled in my chosen career AND loved every minute of it
*Obtained my masters
*Have a banging apartment
*Own my own car.

It's more than just: "I got a car!". I've officially become independent. The underlining theme in the goals for my 20s was to become independent. To learn how to take care of myself before I got married. Growing up I saw far too many women I knew and loved have to learn after being kicked to the curb how to take care of themselves. Now don't get me wrong: I can't wait to have a man take care of me and I him. I look forward to submitting to my husband because he WILL be equipped to lead. But... I wanted... no NEEDED to know I could take care of myself before I could completely let go and follow. And I've managed to get them all taken care of... with 2 years to spare. Now that I've accomplished the goals of my 20s I look toward to working on the goals of my 30s.. time to get married and make it cool to be barefoot and pregnant! Owwwwwww!


What goals have you set aside for yourself in the last decade? Have you been able to accomplish them all if any? Whats holding you back? Whats been pushing you forward?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Walking Song...

I. Will. Trust. You. I. Will. Trust. You. I. Will. Trust. You. As I slowly woke up this morning these words continued to play over and over in my head. I began to say them over and over as I began to gain full consciousness. I then realized I forgot to turn the TV off the night before. I realized it was a Gospel song playing. Throughout the fast I had also decided to fast from secular music as well. This hadn't been the first time I'd forgotten to turn off the television and been awakened by the sounds of praise. But today is different. Today is day 21.
Today I bring my fast to a close. Today I reflect on my 2011 thus far. Today I can say: I DID IT! Last time I fasted I cheated. I cheated not once, not twice, but three times. I ended that fast lighter. Not just physically, but emotionally, and mentally. But I wasn't lighter spiritually. Yes I felt closer to God; but I also felt some guilt for not sticking to the fast. So when I decided to embark upon this fast a couple months ago it was very important for me to stay true to it. To feel that closeness with Him with out the shame of not embracing the fast completely.
I was able to finish this time without a heavy heart. The one thing that kept me was the realization that all things happen in time. I didn't spend my fast wondering how I would get to the end of the week. I focused on getting to the end of the day. I have a tendency in life to worry about tomorrow instead of focusing on the journey of the day.
One thing I know I will take with me is learning to trust God more. Learning to let Him get me through the journey of the day and focusing on living in His word TODAY. As I've been doing the fast I've been following a 21 Day fast on the bible app on my phone and today I noticed day 13 hadn't been checked off. I'm positive that I read it but I reread it anyway again today. It was definitely needed. I realized it is exactly what I needed to take the lessons I learned in the last 21 days with me through the rest of the days of my life. 2nd Peter 2 out of the Message Bible is going to be my walking song for my daily journey. Thank you Jesus.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Who would of thought...


So as I continue on my 21 day fast (Did I mention that already? I'm doing a 21 day fast and so far so feeling real good..) I am following a 21 day reading plan. I wake up every morning and read a specific scripture. Before each scripture is a small paragraph about what I should try to take away from each day.

Well the other day I had to read a scripture about how blessed I am. The take away for that day was to keep a list throughout the day about different things that I'm blessed with. I woke up very cranky that morning. I wasn't feeling very well and so needless to say I wasn't really in the mood to write down how blessed I am.... But as the day progressed I was able to jot down a few things... Like to read it? Here it go...

*As mentioned previously I wasn't feeling well.... But this uhhhh..kind of sickness only comes when you ARE well. Thank you God for good health.

*As I walked through the snow watching the bus pass me by... sighing under my breath hoping the next bus wouldn't be too late I stopped remembering a friend of mine who couldn't afford a metrocard and wake up 2 hours early to walk to work...so I jotted down "I have money to go to work."

*As I sat on the bus and texted my Director about missing my bus...again... I'm reminded how grateful I am to HAVE a job.


*As my day progresses I get some uplifting texts and emails. I didn't ask for them. My spiritual family just knew that I needed it and sent me good tidings. Then I realized how blessed I am to have great spiritual family. People who surround me and comfort me even when I don't realize I need it.

*As I got through the rest of the work day my spirits continued to rise as I realized that people at work looked at me as a potential leader. And not just the people I supervise... My boss pulled me aside and mentioned that there was possibility for upward mobility.....*insert happy dance here*


So you know how blessed I am... How blessed are you?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Allow me to reintroduce myself....

****If you didn't already know I'm on Twitter! www.Twitter.com/SometingSpecial Its a great opportunity to get up to date blog info as well as get a taste of the Wisdom Wednesday if we're not friends on facebook****

When I initially created this blog I wanted to remain anonymous. I wanted to be referred to as 'Special' from my pen name Somethin' Special. I preferred that my offline life remain removed. Well as smart as I am I went ahead and would blast new blog entries on my facebook page. So it didn't surprise me when people started commenting and included my name. When I first saw it in the comments section I had a couple seconds pause where I contemplated deleting the entire comment. I didn't; but I REALLY wanted to. You see outside of the opportunity to remain removed I really never cared for my name.

When I was born my mother was going to name me Wendy... What she was thinking I will never know (No disrespect to the Wendys out there). I just don't believe I ever would of been a Wendy. My actual name, Sonia, isn't that much better; or so I thought. The one God parent that I do know gave my mother that name. I don't know where he got it from and I never asked. I actually found out the story of almost being a Wendy when I gave a rant to my mom about how un-Sonia-like I was.

You ever met someone and found out there name and the two just don't seem to fit? Well that is how I always felt about my name. I'm fun, and silly, and intelligent, a little eccentric, deep, and a host of other billions of contradictions and Sonia is just so... bland. Like what were they thinking! Didn't they realize? Didn't they take one look into my cute,chubby, baby face and see I was destined for greatness? Sonia just would NOT cut it. I actually was going to change my name when I got older but couldn't find anything that fit. By the age of 21/22 I gave up and decided to just live with the name I was born with. It didn't hurt that I met someone who absolutely loved my name.. Flattery can be persuasive!

By the ripe old age of 27 I've met a plethora of people who love my name. Not just Sonia but my first and last name (No I am NOT putting my last name on here..lets not get crazy). So much so that I began doing my own research... and I was astounded by how perfect a name for myself it was. Walk with me...let me school you on all that is Sonia...

Sonia is the Greek variant of Sofia. Sofia, I learned this past weekend, means a broad knowledge of things human and divine; a highly developed sensitivity that is based on experience and principles. It also means wise. In Hindi it means Golden. Which in case you didn't know means: exceptionally valuable, advantageous, or fine (Now I knew I was fine but now I have proof. #ImJustSayin!!), having glow vitality; radiant. In Mayan Civilization it was the given name for their main wives. It was a sign of respect, intelligence, and that she was a virtuous woman. Anyone with the name was considered strong, independent, and wise.

I say all this to reintroduce myself to you. My readers, my lurkers, my friends, my family. I'm Somethin' Special also known as Sonia. To some affectionately known as Sony or even Sone. THIS is who I am. This Sonia is who I grew up to be. The person I was destined to be. The person I am still en route to becoming. The greatness that I knew was in me was right there in my name and as much as I fought it fate won. Lets hope I continue on this path to fulfill all that was put forth when I was named. Lets also hope that through this reintroduction I can maintain reading material that live up to the name...

How do you feel about YOUR name? Do you think it fits you? Have you ever researched it? What does it mean? What name do you think you should have?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Maybe We Can Be Friends...

At the ripe young age of 27 Ive had my fair share of relationships. Relationships with family, relationships with friends, and of course relationships with boys(I've had A LOT of those. Not one with a man yet...but I'm working on it). Throughout my years and relationships with these people I've been loved, used, inspired, betrayed, taught, and a host of other verbs that have shaped me into this fine young lady you read before you (I rocketh majorly). I've always been a believer that (wo)man does not grow in isolation. As the name of my 3rd grade social studies book says: People need People.

I think the most important thing I did learn was that relationships are work. They are tough jobs that sometimes have sucky pay and benefits. But when you work for the right people... the experience can change you to the very core of your being. Sometimes for the good and if you don't watch yourself sometimes for the bad. I heard a quote once that went something like we aren't what happens to us but how we react to what happens to us. So you have to be mindful of all that you go through. Having the right heart attitude is very important.
But before you even get to all of that you should be mindful of the people you keep around you. The people you pour, and allow to pour into your life. After hearing the list of a good friend of mine I decided to create my own. Its a list of the characteristics I need in someone I have a relationship with. Notice I said need and not want. I'm the first person to admit I think I know everything. As human beings we think we know whats best for us but unfortunately what we want may not entirely be what we need. Also notice I said someone I have a relationship with. This isn't a list of for just the people you want to have an romantic relationship with. This goes for all people that I want to have a relationship with. That means people I'm friends with from work, school. or the nearest coffee house...or krispy kreme donut shop since I don't drink coffee. Unfortunately family doesn't necessarily have to abide by this list as you can't shake some of 'em even if you wanted to. But I digress... Here goes everything:

*Love me NOT my gift- In this day and age far too many people are opportunist. They are looking to find out how you can bless them. I'd much rather people like me for ME and not what I can do for them.

*Understand the call of God on my life- This is pretty self explanatory.. I live to please God and not man if you not with it you can kindly keep on moving..

*Encourage; not discourage- I need people around me who are going to lift me up and not try to bring me down. The crabs in a bucket mentality is not needed around me.

*Reciprocal- I'm a firm believer hat you should not ask for what you cannot give. I try my absolute best to be a good friend to the people I have in my life.. I think its fair to ask the same in return.

*Respect- Seriously in this day and age we are teaching folks to disrespect one another far more than we teach them to respect each other. I for one don't need any disrespectful folks in my circle.

*Benefit of the doubt- I need the people in my relationships to give me the opportunity to state my case before they assume I've done something wrong. If you hear something out of doors about me come speak to me before you condemn me.

*Understand that I'm a private person- I LOVE to have 'me' time. I need those around me to understand that sometimes... I just like to be alone. I'm a lot to handle at times.. even for me.. I like to just get alone and just BE

*Understands that I'm a open person- I LOVE being around people.. Haha I know after reading the last criteria your probably shaking your head.. But even though I love my 'me' time I love to give and draw on the energy of others. Yes I'm as comfortable in the center of the room full of people as I am off in the corner with a book. Its another part of me being me.

*Trust- Trust is the foundation of relationships... If I can't trust you I do not want you around me. That's it.. I need not say anymore.

*Dry shoulder- I'm not a much of a crier... but when I need a shoulder to cry on... I'd expect my friends to fill that space. If not.. what are you there for?

*Willing ear- I talk a lot (Have you not read one of my long winded blogs?) Sometimes I just need someone to... listen. Just to listen.

*Respects Boundaries- Boundaries preserve the respect in relationships. We could go back like shackles and ankles and I'd still need you to respect certain boundaries.

Now that you've seen my list what about you? What do you need (feel free to throw a want here and there) from the people you share yourself with.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Asia Monet

As stated when I first ventured down this road of high lighting some fabulous women I know I am blessed to be very good friends with many fabulous women. One of my very best friends is Plus Model Asia Monet. Now I am the first to let a chick know your not a model just because you take nice pictures and you have a high saddity camera. But Miss Monet is official. She's been featured in ESSENCE, Glamour, Venue Divas and was on the cover of Gemini Mag to name a few. She hosts XTV where she has interviewed up musicians such as Leela James, Tony Yayo, Angie Stone, Serani, etc. She's been in the NY Post as well as on the TODAY show. And most importantly she is a runway DIVA! I love her dearly and here is my interview with this fabulous phenomenal woman!!


1. What is your motivation?

I am motivated every time I step into a department store, turn on my television , walk down the street and see a billboard, open a magazine, or view a fashion runway and is confronted with a typical "standard of beauty" that is not representative of me.

2.What made you decide to begin modeling?

Growing up I always loved to pose, take photos ,and strut my walk. But it became clear to me during my college years at SUNY Albany after participating in a runway show where I received such an outstanding ovation, that the industry was missing something big!

3. What advice would you have for any women trying to break into the industry?

My first and foremost advice to aspiring models is to educate yourself about the industry. This is a business like any other in order to be on top you have to know where you are coming from to know where you want to go. The Internet is an extraordinary tool to research any and every topic involving Plus Size Modeling.

4. What makes you different?

Humility. Even though my profession requires me to be confident I remain humble. Personality has brought me along way in my journey. A lot of my business is acquired by referrals. I believe my ability and determination to remain humble as I accomplish greater things, makes me unique.

5. What impact are you trying to leave the world after you pass on

When I pass on I hope to leave a legacy of a successful career in modeling within main stream media, which inspired and opened the door for endless opportunities for women of different shades, shapes, and sizes ... Redefining the definition of "beauty".

http://www.asiamonet.com/

Sunday, May 9, 2010

New Beginnings

****if you haven't done so already follow me on Twitter: Twitter.com/SometingSpecial. I also have a column (A Word from Somethin' Special) in the Ezine MarshaMarie: The above average magazine for the above average women. Check out June's issue Love Jones: Relationships at www.MarshaMarie.com Get on the good foot and do the bad thing Owwwww!****


Why do I feel like I need to apologize to an old friend when I begin writing a new blog...? I know I've been in and out for awhile. Here and gone, vowing to stay more consistent. I bet if you didn't know any better you'd think I was a man (Ha! Couldn't help myself!)! But no I am sorry lots of happenings in my life in the last few months. Come..walk with me talk with me:


**Professional: I don't know if I've ever eluded to it or not but my boss is certifiably insane. Yes she is bonkers; I diagnosed her myself. She meets u and loves you and then decides your a horrible person and that your after her for some weird reason. No this is not my own paranoia I've seen her do it with 2-r other people before she started on me. I should of taken the hint my 2 months in when I noticed 3 other people held my position in the previous year and a half. Which is why it gives me great pleasure to announce I resigned from my job. My last day is next week and I may do cartwheels throughout the facility that day.

I truly consider it a blessing from God how it all came about. I was passively looking for another job when a sistergreek, my sandz, randomly hit me on BBM and I jokingly asked if her job was hiring. Turns out they were and the next day 2hrs after emailing her my resume I got called in for an interview. God is good ain't He?

Through a lot of prayer, faith, staying humble and more patient than I think I've ever been I was given an offer and I accepted. I start at the end of the month and I am truly excited about beginning this new phase in my life. It wasn't just the bonkers boss; I have outgrown my current position and organization. And the commute was a dooooozey! I'm a lot closer to home and it gives me more incentive to purchase my car. Who wants to be the first one to fill my tank? ;-)


**Personally: Well I know I eluded to the fact that I had a roommate who was pretty crummy. Well she is gone and I finally have peace in my home. My older sister is my new roommate and though that will take some getting used to I still appreciate not having that chick here. The apartment literally feels warmer and inviting. And trust that's not a bias a friend came over and confirmed it for me. Its just a peaceful air in the apartment...as a home should be.

I also have eluded to the fact that I'd been dating someone... Well yea I am. My Mr. X is now just my Mister. My first time dating someone I'd dated before. I'd always been adamant about not being one of those people that have yo-yo relationships. They just look silly, exhausting, and a big waste of time. Well I'm a believer in 2nd chances now...just not 3rds or 4ths and God forbid 5ths. Those numbers should only be in races and at thanksgiving o_O.

We've been dating for over 6months now and I don't regret my decision at all. As cliche as it sounds sometimes you do need to let some things go to figure out if its really for you. Growing apart is sometimes better than growing together. And God is not thru with us yet so we have the opportunity now to grow together.

That's the major changes in my life right now. I'm really happy about where I am right now. I thank God for everything he has given me. But do realize God will not give you anything you can't handle; that includes the good and the bad. So please believe I was tested several times before reaching this level in the last few months. But you have to believe and have faith that your prayers will be answered. Faith without works is dead...

What new beginnings are you believing in for your self, family, work? Are you walking in that faith? Being aggressively positive despite your circumstances?

Monday, April 26, 2010

What if the Tea Party was Black...?

**Hey Ladies and Gents came across this VERY insightful article had to throw it on the blog for your viewing pleasure... ENJOY!**


By Tim Wise, AlterNetPosted on April 25, 2010, Printed on April 26, 2010http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/

Let’s play a game, shall we? The name of the game is called “Imagine.” The way it’s played is simple: we’ll envision recent happenings in the news, but then change them up a bit. Instead of envisioning white people as the main actors in the scenes we’ll conjure - the ones who are driving the action - we’ll envision black folks or other people of color instead. The object of the game is to imagine the public reaction to the events or incidents, if the main actors were of color, rather than white. Whoever gains the most insight into the workings of race in America, at the end of the game, wins.

So let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protesters — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”

Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

Game Over.

© 2010 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

#Dear Future Husband


So I'm not really great at the whole twitter thing (www.Twitter.com/SometingSpecial) I sign in read the updates maybe say something funny or enlightening and then forget to sign back in for a day or so. One thing I do like is the trending topics. They had one a couple weeks ago: #DearFutureWife and all the guys I follow were going in. Of course the women started tweeting #DearFutureHusband. I didn't jump on the bandwagon then but this week I've been updating my BBM status with mini-notes to my future husband to the delight of my BBM friends. I decided I'd do a mini post (Yayyyy finally not long winded! lol) and give you guys a glimpse into my future marriage. Some are jokes, some are sincere, all are worthy of my future husband's attention... Hope he's reading :-)


#DearFutureHusband Love me as if you like me...


#DearFutureHusband I make the babies you do the diapers....


#DearFutureHusband I will not be making dinner in lingerie... But I can serve it that way until Jr. is at a age where he can retain memories...


#DearFutureHusband I want to be a housewife.. P.S. we will need a maid and a nanny... possibly a per diem cook...


#DearFutureHusband I love how you make me feel safe...


#DearFutureHusband Thanks for pretending not to hear me hack while I brush my teeth in the morning....


#DearFutureHusband love is an action verb and loving you is my favorite activity...


#DearFutureHusband I'm sorry about putting in Jr. in ballet classes if he wins a future reality show because of his talent you can have 10% of the prize money...


#DearFutureHusband no we can't have a threesome...


#DearFutureHusband I knew you'd be my future husband after knowing you for about a month... and it scared me shytless o_O...


#DearFutureHusband we'll have such pretty babies...


#DearFutureHusband I love dancing around the living room to old school RnB with you...


#DearFutureHusband I pretend to be sleep when you finally get in the bed and I snuggle up on you...


#DearFutureHusband I promise to cut out at least two of my weekly activities and actually spend some time at home...


#DearFutureHusband if modern science allows I'd love to share the responsibility of bringing our children into the world with you.. I do one.. You do one... Its only fair.
#DearFutureHusband I realize how lucky I am that you haven't figured out how flawed I am just yet...
#DearFutureHusband If you've figured out how flawed I am by now please read fine print of our marriage certificate.. Your stuck with me... Love ya!
So there it is 5% of what my FutureHusband should know. I had so much fun writing this after reading some of the ones people posted on Black and Bougie (ShoutOut to OneChele) I figured I'd let you guys in on the fun too...: What are some things you want your Future Wife or Future Husband to know..?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Marsha.Marie

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As most of you know I am a lover of all things fan-tabulous. And more than that I am a lover of people who have lively goals and actually follow through with them. I am blessed to call 'friend' many women who are truly phenomenal. When I looked around and discovered how many of these women I knew I decided I wanted to showcase these women and/or the thing that makes them Phenomenal. So for the next few months you will be seeing post that feature interviews with some of these great women I know. All age groups, all backgrounds, all walks of life, and truly ALL PHENOMENAL!



Phenomenal Women: Tashima Jones Creator of Marsha.Marie



Tashima Jones and I were blessed to both be accepted into the EOP Program for a University in Upstate NY in the summer of 2001. Her lively spirit and can do attitude radiated from her small frame from that day and she has continued to do so all the years we have known one another. We recently caught up (thank you Stalkers Paradise!.. uhh I mean Facebook)and I discovered she recently launched an online ezine! I am honored to have gotten an interview with her to present to you about her new ezine and hope you guys are able to hit the web check it out and pass the info on to your friends and family. Take a peek and check out her brain child: MarshaMarie.com



1. What prompted you to begin Marsha Marie?


I’ve always had a passion for writing and the desire to create a magazine. Starting out with an entertainment magazine - Vaunt Magazine ((2006) an online magazine for marketing up & coming artists and entrepreneurs) was a short lived success. It was like a marketing hub for young talent to present their work. I found myself promoting music and behavior I didn’t even listen to or take part in. After some soul searching and growing pains, I realized I wanted to use my talent in a positive way while still making my dreams come true. Mixing my gifts to write and drive to inspire, I created Marsha.Marie (http://www.marshamarie.com/).


When standing at the supermarket’s cash register we can find magazines highlighting sex, drugs, and rock & roll 00:/. You know the celebrity drama and financial woes of the American culture. I believe God and encouragement have been shelved in exchange for disappointment and chaos. It seems as if we have become comfortable in turmoil. Marsha.Marie is like that breath of fresh air for a society of young women in need of a boost of love, happiness and direction.




2. How long has this ezine been in the making before you were able to actually go live on the site?


After dissolving Vaunt magazine in 2006 I kind of stopped working on the whole magazine dream however that passion within for writing and inspiring others thrived on. In 2008 (so like a two years ago) while sitting out for lunch with my sis and brother I let out my secret within – A hip magazine focused on God. Many can’t see how hip and God can be found in the same thought – I did. I started to work on it in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning. It blossomed into what it is now and is not close to where it will be in the future.




3. What audience are you trying to tap into?


To be honest, I believe everyone needs to be inspired. While the demographics consist of young women between the ages of 18-25 it is hard for me to condense my audience of readers. Putting people in a box can stunt their growth. I thought about a black women’s magazine but realized my European and Asian friends need encouragement too. I thought about college students and young professionals but I am so aware of those who struggle with academic and economic success. Whoever reads Marsha.Marie will be blessed so all are invited.




4. What makes Marsha Marie different from the other ezines currently out there?


Definitely the spiritual concept. Spirituality is the driving force of our life; it influences the choices we make and our behavior whether people realize it or not. Our mission is to reveal the connection between spirituality and making healthy life choices. While some magazines are borderline inspiration others are more informational. Marsha.Marie is a great balance between the two. Knowing we live in the world, though we are not of it,J, Marsha.Marie intimately provides useful tips to living a godly life dealing with worldly issues. It has the answer for all those searching to fill that inevitable void within - Christ. Practical & spiritual advice is what we do our best to provide. A relationship with God is not magical but supernatural. With that said it is imperative we do our part in living a life of abundance.




5. Where do you see Marsha Marie this time next year?


I honestly believe Marsha.Marie will be far beyond my hopes and expectations. I ultimately see this magazine in print and on the shelves right next to the cash register at your local Wal-Mart and on the subway newspaper stands. Next year I aim to have over 500 dedicated readers and impacting the lives of all who come across it online.






So my little bloggy family I hoped you enjoyed this first installment of Phenomenal Women. And trust there are many more installments to come. Feel free to let me know if YOU know a Phenomenal Women that you think should be featured. We're all family; sisters and brothers in Christ! Have you ever thought about started an ezine? What would you like to read about in a ezine such as MarshaMarie? Let me know whassup people! :-) And as always.. Be Blessed..

Monday, March 29, 2010

First 7 Things


Most of you who don't know me in my life outside of the blog don't know but for the last few months I've had living arrangement issues. To put it simply my roommate was working my last nerve! We'd had a conversation about parting ways last September and these last few months as the departure date for her loomed closer our relationship has significantly soured.

This is someone I considered a friend at one point in my life. Some friends can't be roommates; its a fact and something I've understood since my years in undergrad. I've a slight case of OCD and LOVE playing hostess in my beautiful apartment. She on the other hand isn't as neat as I am and spends majority of her time in her room; and doesn't speak...ever. Well the situation came to a head in January and we've both retreated to our rooms. Leaving the areas we share, kitchen and living room (we have our own bathrooms), abandoned and lonely.

This didn't bother me so much until a few weeks later when I was cooking and cleaning in the kitchen and I had no theme music. I used to turn the TV on in the living room to listen to music while I was in the kitchen for an extended period of time. Unfortunately use of the TV in the living room was a casualty of my roommate wars. I grabbed my laptop and pumped up di volume. It worked for awhile but didn't feel the same.

As time progressed I realized I missed a lot of things about hanging out in these common areas. Well as her departure date is less than a week away I've formulated in my mind (and now on this blog) the first 7 things I'll be doing when these rooms return to their full level of functioning:

*Curl up on my new plush sofa and start reading The Lost Symbol By: Dan Brown

*Cook/Clean dinner with RnB Soul playing from my TV in the living room.

*Come home and catch up on some of my favorite shows on DVR on the couch.

*Make some popcorn and invite some friends over for movie night.

*Dance around my living room with reckless abandon.

*Cuddle and neck on my couch with my lucky dude.

*Invite some friends over for dinner and eat at my dining room table.

Some of the simplest joys in our lives for whatever reason we miss out on. Don't let these moments pass you by.... FYI: This post was posted after she moved and the first thing I actually did was go on a cleaning and redecorating spree.. lol The OCD in me I suppose...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Do unto others....

****So if you weren't aware as yet I have become a Tweeter. So Follow me! Twitter.com/SometingSpecial I also got bored yesterday and registered for Formspring. So feel free to go to the site and ask me a question I'll be sure to check it out. FormSpring.me/SexySony17****





Lately I've been feeling a tad unappreciated. By friends, family, even people I date (yes.. I'm seeing someone; no I'm not ready to talk about it yet at length but I digress...). It seems like people love an opportunity to hear compliments or words of appreciation; but they have an issue reciprocating it to those around them.

Now I enjoy a good compliment like everybody else but I also make it a priority to let the people in my life know I love and appreciate their presence by me. I'm the kind of person that sends random messages like "I think your really great", "Your put a smile on my face today", and even the occasional ecard (someecards.com has some great cards by the way) "Its comforting to know we're equally maladjusted". Things like the aforementioned quotes that set the heart a flutter and give you warm and fuzzy feelings.



I don't do these things because I want others to do it to me as well. I do them because I think its important for people to know and feel wanted and needed if they are wanted and needed by me. It would just be nice to have people make me feel the same way every so often; And not just when something is wrong and they need cheering up or a willing ear. I find way to often I am a dumping ground for my friends negative energy, it can become irritating. And not even a "Your the Greatest!" adds insult to injury.

Then there is dude I'm seeing. I read an article that men appreciate compliments just as much as women do. So I promptly sent him a message and ended it by calling him 'Handsome'. His response was a big cheesy grin and I felt good that I made him feel special. Since then I've continued to do so every so often and I feel like he truly feels appreciated and sexy and all that other stuff. But where is the love?! I was thinking about it this morning and I can't remember the last time I got a good ole fashion "Girl, u di bomb!". When we first started dating he would do it every so often and I got the warm and fuzzies; butterflies not bubbleguts. Now? The must I get is probably a daily hugging, kissing, or winking emoticom... *Insert blank face here that changes into half a smile* I do appreciate that I really do but I feel like I could do with some butterflies and warm and fuzzies again.



I've not stopped expressing my appreciation for my friends or my non boo but I do feel myself become increasingly frustrated that the appreciation isn't reciprocated every so often. I know they do appreciate me and want/need me in their lives but its nice to hear every once in awhile. *le sigh* So this is my open letter to them. My dear, well-meaning, idiot friends. I love you but it'd be nice to hear you love me too.


Do you ever find yourself feeling under appreciated? How do you combat it? Maybe your one of my idiot friends reading this: Get off the blog and go to someecards.com and send me a card you ra-tard!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Till 'You Break A Vow' do us part

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"Love is not what you forget but how you forgive, not how you listen but how you understand, not what you see but how you feel, and not how you let go but how you hold on".


The other day I was having a very interesting conversation with a fellow HS alum on facebook. His status was in reference to a statement the every woman Monique said about sleeping with someone outside of marriage isn't a deal breaker. Now I didn't hear this statement myself till I saw it on his status so if he misquoted please feel free to let a sister know. Any who he eluded to the fact that trust is the hallmark of a relationship and if he found out his wife cheated he would expect her to be waiting for a cab outside with her bags packed when he got home.


He had several co-signers on that statement that think cheating is a deal breaker and their marriages would be over and done with. Now you KNOW I couldn't see that and not say anything. Not even the fact that I didn't speak to this person since HS and the last time we even fbook'd each other was months ago could keep me away.


I replied something along the lines of: "I feel you But a deal breaker? Did you not vow for or better or for worse? You might want to restructure your vows when you get married homie. *disclaimer* and I'm not talking habitual cheating.. We are human and we make mistakes who knows what could happen after you say I do. You might be the one asking for forgiveness" To which someone replied: "I agree on exclusivity. Relationships are built on trust. If there is no trust there is no foundation- the house will fall." And I said: "I completely agree on the exclusivity part. But in saying that sex outside of marriage is a deal breaker I can't agree with. If one party falls to the sin of adultery is remorseful and agrees to work on figuring out where the break down happened so that cheating even could become possible I think the other spouse should be willing to forgive. It shouldn't = the end of a marriage.. i.e. be a deal breaker. That level of forgiveness is something you need in a marriage and I'm not necessarily talking for cheating. A 50+ marriage will not get to 50+ on a bed of roses.. there will be thorns and both parties should recognize and acknowledge that... which is why in vows you say for better for worse richer or poorer in sickness and in health. If that isn't something a person can adhere to... they probably shouldn't be getting married. Personal opinion also.. trust is something that is built. and when its been broken.. it can be built back. It is that sustainable to the elements" Then my fbook friend chimed in: "I can see where you're coming from but I feel the trust is built before the marriage is agreed to. Once it has been established, the person who failed to live up to the agreement is the one that should not have been married. Not the one who fails to risk being burned a second time. Working things out is for people who can't escape the feelings and who are afraid to start over. I had been one of those people for a while and I'm glad to say I no longer am.Cut ties and tolerate nothing short of what you deserve.... Not saying this happened to me because we can never know %100 percent but if it did there is no redemption in my eyes."


We continued to go back and forth before I simply said let's agree to disagree and at our 50ths HS reunion we can finish this convo with our spouses by our side. But honestly I find it hard to believe that he will be able to stay married long if his tolerance is so low. No I do not condone cheating or anything that will hurt the marriage; I am simply saying that we must be willing to work on our relationships before we cut ties. Marriage, as I commented on his status, is the major league of relationships. When you come across a problem you don't just cut out and leave. I even put it to him as though he were the offender. 1. He is 100% sure he wouldn't do anything that could hurt his marriage and 2. If he was he wouldn't ask for forgiveness because he "wouldn't deserve it and would be ashamed". As far as he is concerned once you break a vow such as cheating then the other person doesn't have to stick to them either and they are free to leave. To which I put the question to him: Isn't this your other half, your best friend, etc.? If you did do something that was offensive to your marriage and you felt you couldn't go to them maybe that right there was part of the problem to which this offense occur ed in the first place. Marriage isn't just a legal contract to one another it is a much deeper commitment than that.

photo: Longest Married Couple: Herbert and Zelmyra
When I get married I have every intention of living my vows. Please reread that statement... you know what you probably won't let me say it again: I have every intention of living my vows; In sickness and in health, richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part. I intend to live that out until he or I cease to live. I am not perfect and I don't think I will meet a perfect man. He, I, or we may stumble at some point or another (and I don't mean just cheating there are many different ways you can hurt your spouse) during our marriage but I have no intention on telling him to kick rocks. Notice I said 'intention': I'm not married yet but its something I truly want to do: living my vows that is. I just feel like the inability to even discuss the issue and completely cutting all ties with your spouse is not the mindset of someone who is ready for marriage. Marriage is a bed of roses... just know that roses have thorns.


What do you think of the vows we make? Is he right? Are they only conditional upon the other persons ability to uphold them? What do you think are some of your marriage deal breakers?


I leave you with a few quote tweeted by Herbert and Zelmyra on Valentines Day:
"Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win "

Friday, February 26, 2010

Its That Time of Year Again!

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Lent is here.. (insert mix of cries of joys and groans of agony here). Some of you may not know that Lent began last week Wednesday; Ash Wednesday to be exact. Even before I was saved I practiced the tradition of Lent every year. If some of you remembered last year I gave up facebook/myspace/aim/bbm/gchat/ basically any forms of social networking. I was still blogging of course and was putting out entries every 5 seconds I had no outlet haha. This year though I have decided to give up the snooze button.

Yes I said the Snooze button. Anyone who knows me well knows I LOVE sleep. I don't get enough of it so the snooze button became my best friend. On average I hit it about three times a morning! On the very rare occasions where I don't have anyplace to be in the morning I walk up to take a afternoon nap. I have a comfy pillow top mattress and I just detest coming up from under the covers in the morning. So this is going to be a big sacrifice for me. But this is exactly what this time is about: Sacrifice. Its a time to learn what its like to do without something we think we absolutely CAN'T do without.

It is also about taking on something. I always struggle with this part of Lent as I am constantly taking on new things so I'm left struggling to find something else to do when Ash Wednesday arrives. After some thought I've decided to make sure my hands are painted. Again something most of you are left scratching your heads about. I'm not a very "girly-girl" I don't like shopping, mani/pedis, or spending hours in a hair salon. If I do paint my nails my fingers are probably clear because when they begin to chip I can never find time to redo them. Granted I do like what they look like afterwards but I always wonder when some women find time to have their nails done so regularly. So this Lent I am going to invest in myself. I am going to hit the stores buy some great colors and I am going to MAKE time to do my nails every week. Oh the joy...

Is anyone else devoting any time to Lent this year? What are you giving up? Taking on? And most important question of all: Any suggestions on fast drying nail polishes!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Live Like Your Dying


Hello My bloggy little family. I know its been awhile I was on a two week vacation. I'm back and tanned and loving it! They say Black is Beautiful; I'm darn near Gorgeous right now. But I digress The year is losing its new car smell and some of you may be forgetting all the promises you made to your self, your loved ones, and God. I'm not going to remind you. (What? I can't read your mind I don't know what promises you made!) But I am here to remind you that tomorrow isn't promised. Walk with me talk with me.

Before I left to go on vacation I had a short insignificant conversation with a male friend of mine. We'd gone to elementary and JHS together and grew up on the same block until he moved when he got to HS to another section of Brooklyn. We weren't that close but we had a shared history that enables us to converse every once in awhile and catch up with one another. He had gone from the nerdy dude with the SUPER high water uniform slacks to a pretty decent man and father. We talked about his son and some plans he had for the upcoming year and I gave him the haps on my life and how some mutual friends were doing. We parted ways with intentions of catching up again at some other point in time and went about our business.

I went on vacation had one of the best times I've had in a long time. Just an FYI I went to Trinidad for Carnival. I've gone every year, except 09, since 2005 and this year by far was my favorite time. And my last. There is a lot more of the world I want to see and jumping up in a band in TnT is something I can hold off on for a few years while I check out Asia and Africa. But again I digress.. Upon my return I sign into my facebook account to let my fans(friends) know of my return and I see a note in my inbox. Yep you guessed it. A mutual friend msg'd me while I was away to let me know our friend had died. I was in shock obviously. At the ripe old age of 26 you don't think about your mortality too often. I will admit when I was 22 and got the news that my step brother had been murdered I did get a smack of that reality; but I guess I'd forgotten.

After getting confirmation from some other friends that the funeral had been the weekend that just passed and his death was still something of a mystery because no one really knew how he died. They just knew it was a medical issue I kind of found myself in a place where I wanted to get all my affairs in order. I started to wonder if when he realized he was about to die did he have any regrets. Did he wish he had did something or that he hadn't done something. At that point I made it my business to do and say all that I needed to in case today was my last. Some people were receptive, others not so much. The point is that we shouldn't wait until we are staring our morality in the face for us to do what needs to be done.

Release that grudge

Tell that person you love them

Hold tight to those that you don't want to lose

Eat too much Chocolate Cake

Run barefoot

LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

Do NOT wait until what you want is no longer available to you to realize what could be yours. Take stock of your lives and figure out if you have been giving big time to little things and rectify that error because today is as good a time as any to not just be alive but to live.


Monday, February 1, 2010

I Don't Want To Grow Up...


The other day my Granny's best friend passed away. We used to call her Aunty Mary. I was 18 before I found out this woman wasn't my real aunt you know. As a child I spent a lot of time in her home in Guyana, where my family is originally from. Whole summers would be spent with my various cousins and siblings sleeping under this ladies roof. Some of my favorite childhood memories were at that place.


I haven't been there since I was 19 which is the last time I was in Guyana. Was supposed to go last year but had a Saturday job that kept me grounded most weekends. And a host of other excuses that I let keep me from going back to the land of my ancestors. Back to Aunty Mary. Well by the time I was 19 she was blind but she was still sharp. My older cousins(OK me too! Lol) would sneak out to go party and she could tell u what time we left and what outfit we had on! SMH


I will truly miss this woman. But more than myself I worry for my elders. My mother, aunts, and uncles saw this woman as there Aunt and could tell her things they couldn't tell their own mother. And what of their mother? My Granny? She has lost all of her siblings and she has one half sibling left, she's lost her husband as well. The last sister she lost I was there when she got the news and it broke my heart at how alone she felt. She kept saying she was the only one left. I tried reminding her of her sister who could practically be her twin only to find out she was a half sister who she didn't grow up with. As far as I'm concerned there are no half-siblings; you just love them with your whole heart to make up the difference. My Granny was not hearing that.


Now she has lost her best friend. Someone who wasn't blood but you'd never know because of their closeness. And I can't help but think "Lord I don't want to grow up!" To lose my sisters and brothers! My parents or even my cousins as we all grew up together would be such a hard burden to bear. To continue your life without the ones who have made it worth living is no easy task and I don't envy my Granny at all. So at this time I can just love on her as much as possible to help her realize she still has some of us left.