The Ties That Bind...

So I mentioned a little under a month ago that I was going off of my dating hiatus. I actually hadn't gone on a date until recently and I found it to be... Interesting to say the least. I was anxious and off center. Your girl Special had to do a prayer before she walked out the front door; literally head bowed hand clasped at my front door. I asked God for guidance and strength and of course protection. I also asked him for the ability to have my true self shine through above all my jitters. Ask and ye shall receive. I had a good time but there were some negatives and positives about the evening. There was one thing in particular that gave me pause; or rather the lack of one thing.

I didn't get that feeling. What feeling? THAT feeling. The feeling of connectivity. I believe we are tripod beings (body, mind, and spirit). I think we connect with each other, as people, on one of these levels. I've noticed in my history of dating I've always connected with the person on one of those levels in order to consider moving forward. Its usually something you pick up on BEFORE you even go out on that first date. With this recent guy I definitely have felt something mind wise but not necessarily a connection of the mind.

With the last person I considered dating we definitely connected on the body level early on in getting to know one another via the telephone. No, we were not engaging in any kinky phone conversation or what some like to call phone boning. We could be discussing world peace or the effects of eating a lot of grapes and there was sexual chemistry sizzling ready to pounce at the slightest provocation. When we finally hung out it was in the very air we breathed. Sexual energy was very thick.

I've also had instances where I've connected with someone with my mind. I'd say we had mental intercourse (not so eloquently lol). We could sit and talk for hours on end. Giving and taking information and having our minds expand. Smart is so sexy to me. I absolutely love connecting with someone mentally. Like the body connection the mind connection has happened often.
The spirit connection has happened once. If you've been a follower of my blog I think you can guess who that was. The connection of the spirit is so deep, so intense, it can blow your mind. Its like meeting someone and your souls recognize each other. Your mind and your body struggle to understand what's going on and get acquainted while your spirit interacts with an old friend. The draw is so strong and instantaneous your body and mind can't help but follow suit (sometimes reluctantly) after awhile.

One of my favorite parts about the connecting of the souls is the ability to fax the person. Faxing (a term I came across in a book. Psychics supposedly use it) is when you think of someone and they call. I'm sure this has happened to some of you a couple of times. I know West Indians usually say when this happens the person will live a long time. When there is a connection of the spirit it happens so frequently it amazes even the most hardened skeptics. I can remember times where I literally said call me and the phone would ring. It got to a point where we would call each other and jokingly say 'U were faxing me?' After the other one picked up the phone.
In times of need it happens as well. When something is wrong and I need assistance and I'm not sure who to call that person seems to magically become available. I usually get a random 'how are you' text/phone call. This currently rings true so loudly now when I'm not currently with said person. I'll get a fax and I'll fight it tooth and nail. Later on that week I may be speaking to that person and I'll find out something that was happening when I got that feeling to call them. Or recently when I refused to give in to the urge for a week or so to get their opinion on something that weighed on my mind. At least 4 days out of that week said person msg'd me and told me that they had me on the brain and could I get out of their mind. Even confessing that they even thought they saw me on the street one day. I denied any involvement till I finally sucked it up a week later and spoke to them about what weighed on my mind. To which they promptly shouted in relief that they knew it was something and they weren't going crazy. It can be frightening sometimes with its weirdness but I've chosen at this point to stop trying to understand it.

The problem though is that: I'm not with this person (and the connection is STILL there! But could you believe that isn't even the problem! Or is it?). We connected so well and we didn't work out. And now I am forced to know of this connectivity and bend to the realization that it is rare and may never happen again. If that doesn't suck monkey balls I don't know what does! Maybe if I met them when I was in my late 40s and 50s I could continue dating in ignorance not knowing of its many splendors. But I didn't and I can't and I'm forced to wonder if I can date someone without the connection.

Two close friends of mine a guy and a girl co-sign that it is rare and that I may not experience it again. But they also say it isn't needed. They remind me that the relationship didn't last. My thinking is of course "Duh! I know" and understand this BUT the reason the relationship didn't last was because of things that can change. I could meet someone now who has these attributes and there is no connection but would I be happy? I'm not sure. Its like meeting someone who treats me good and I like that has a Jheri curl and jacked up teeth. I can send them to the dentist and barber and be good. Those are changeable things. To this they replied the connection may be build-able; to which I negated. I think its either there or its not. And that is strictly speaking when there is a spirit to spirit connection. Body and Mind can be fleeting; I think because it is part of the human side of us. The guy that I had the body connection with is no longer on my roster. Once I found out things about him that turned me off they literally turned me off. I ran into him a week later and didn't get that feeling. Whereas the spirit is much more grounded as it connects the super natural part of us. I found out things about the guy I have the spirit connection with and we're still connected though I can physically walk away from him. That kind of connection I don't think can come over time; though I could be wrong. Its only happened to me once so I'm no expert. I don't know if I'd be willing to pretend as though its mere existence was questioned just to be without it. Could I date someone and not feel its lack of existence? I feel like I'd be eating my food minus the seasoning. I'd eat the whole plate because I need food to live but the entire time deep down I'd be thinking of meals that tantalized all five of my senses at once. A meal that left me not only full but revitalized. Not sure if I want to just eat for life's sake... Is that really living?