There is an abundance of information that comes from riding the rails. Subway rails that is. You can learn to break dance as there is usually a showing at least two times a commute. You learn about the existence of different musical instruments. I didn't know the sounds two newspaper filled plastic bags could make until I rode the E train and came across a very talented musician. And riding the train can qualify you to be a linguistics major. My commute from Ocean Hill section of Bklyn to East side of Harlem has gifted me with the ability to curse someone out in 7 African dialects, Korean, Yiddish, Spanish, and Polish if the situation ever presented itself.
One thing I have not learned though is why its OK for me to miss my train because the guy in front of me going down the steps is far more concerned with looking at the behinds of the women who are going up the stairs. It happens so often I'm sure you see it and don't consciously take it in. Spectators on the platforms of differing races, ages, and even genders slow down my commute regularly to gawk at some one's behind. I've even seen a conductor or two watch a lady sway her hips instead of those monitors that let's them know the doors are indeed clear to be closed. *insert blank face here*
Now please don't get me wrong. I like to look as well. But I am considering a No Bumpa Watching policy during rush hour. I seriously think the implementation of this policy could shave at least 15 minutes off of my commute. That's enough time for me to grab a small Tropicana Coolata from Dunkin Donuts AND a Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Mcgriddle from Mickey Dees. While still making it to work in time to check the comments on my facebook status that I updated during my transfer to the 4 train at Fulton street.
I think my biggest issue is for the life of me I cannot seem to understands man's fascination with a female's behind. Not only in the subway have I witnessed this phenomenon. I've witnessed grown men walk into walls, poles, and parked vehicles attempting to catch a glimpse of some 'bottom in di road'. And I'm sure if there was a study done the statistics would be staggering with the findings of the number of motor vehicle accidents that occur each year through Bumpa Watching. It is an epidemic that is not only poisoning my commute it is also ruining my walk TO the subway. This heinous over indulgence of the appreciation for the female body is wrecking rush hour commutes everywhere. From the Social Worker Uptown, the Financial Analyst Midtown, to the Waiter downtown; no one is safe.
Now we may not have been able to stop the fare hike, or the cut of the subway red vest attendants, or even the cut of over 10-20 bus routes citywide but THIS battle we must prevail. So please people the next time you ride the subway during rush hour when you see a shorty with a behind that entices you.... Please think of me and enforce the No Bumpa Watching policy. Its not only for my punctual arrival to and from work but also for your safety.
Men are visual creatures...that like telling women not to cry or be emotional. They REALLY have to look. Its like how men have to have sex. But the key is to know how to look without being obvious or holding up traffic. That is where self control and learning from a older male (preferrably one that knows how to look at a woman correctly) on how to look at a woman comes into play. I have seen men bump into other ppl and myself looking at another woman. I was even in line for food and had to wait almost a minute while the cook was staring at a female customer. Please believe I gave him the Murda look of death coupled with "I know WHAT you were looking at" Look. If you can change men hunny, please share it with the rest of us females.Like James Brown sings "This is a Man's World"
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