Shakin like a leaf....

So... I'm sittin at the receptionist desk at my job right now... Yes I know what time it is... Covering some one's shift and so I'm here until midnight.... And I am feeling very freaked out right now.

I come from the 90s of East Flatbush. I'm not sure if any of you guys know Brooklyn very well or even NYC but its not the safest place to grow up. I have memories of my younger sister and I wailing in the street afraid to walk the 2 blocks home from elementary school because someone was shooting around three o clock. Memories of the friendly drug dealers on the block telling me and my friends to go in side real quick while they settle some 'business' and hearing shots fired. There was even one time I distinctly remember the police breaking into our backyard to chase a suspect who hopped the fence and possibly hiding there. Banging down our back door that lead to the back door at 3-4am waking me up out of my dreams of lolly pops and gummy bears and rainbows....

Needless to say growing up in the 90s was not a bed of roses. But we survived and I thank God for that everyday. I know some people who didn't fair as well. It isn't so bad there now. And I know some folks still cringe at the thought of entering my neighborhood but I walk with no fear there. Its gotten 10xs safer than it EVER was when I was growing up and I walk those streets at 3AM/PM with no fear anymore. But right now... RIGHT NOW I don't want to step one FOOT outside the door.

8PM this evening someone was shot outside of my job. They didn't die. They got shot in the ankle.. they didn't die or anything but... Its got me ridiculously nervy. I mean this wasn't no regular fight I hear a shot and that's it. No I'm talking cops got the whole corner roped up and Detectives up in here questioning me in case I saw anything. I was ALREADY completely flustered having had to work a double without any notice and giving medication (my first time) making sure I didn't give the wrong meds to the wrong person all that stuff. Just completely flustered and unnerved already only to have some shots rang out.

Maybe I spent to much time in Smallbany (undergrad and grad years in upstate NY) or even my new neighborhood which is also notorious but I hear kids squealing more than any other noise that has made me soft. But I am so jumpy right now and nervy I mean I won't front I'm the only staff in the building right now and it buggs me out to the point that a tear or two might have dropped.... ok maybe more than that. I'm on pins and needles... Needed to write.. and as I close this blog I feel a little bit better... But there is no way I'm showing up at 9am tomorrow morning since I know I won't reach home till 230 on the subway. And you better believe sistah girl is gettin in a cab to take me down to midtown to get on a train there. I rather spend a couple dollars rather than walk the 3 blocks to the subway from here... Was gone for a minute.. Now ya girl is back so sorry its with this unfortunate tale.... G'Nite.