I Don't Want To Grow Up...

The other day my Granny's best friend passed away. We used to call her Aunty Mary. I was 18 before I found out this woman wasn't my real aunt you know. As a child I spent a lot of time in her home in Guyana, where my family is originally from. Whole summers would be spent with my various cousins and siblings sleeping under this ladies roof. Some of my favorite childhood memories were at that place.

I haven't been there since I was 19 which is the last time I was in Guyana. Was supposed to go last year but had a Saturday job that kept me grounded most weekends. And a host of other excuses that I let keep me from going back to the land of my ancestors. Back to Aunty Mary. Well by the time I was 19 she was blind but she was still sharp. My older cousins(OK me too! Lol) would sneak out to go party and she could tell u what time we left and what outfit we had on! SMH

I will truly miss this woman. But more than myself I worry for my elders. My mother, aunts, and uncles saw this woman as there Aunt and could tell her things they couldn't tell their own mother. And what of their mother? My Granny? She has lost all of her siblings and she has one half sibling left, she's lost her husband as well. The last sister she lost I was there when she got the news and it broke my heart at how alone she felt. She kept saying she was the only one left. I tried reminding her of her sister who could practically be her twin only to find out she was a half sister who she didn't grow up with. As far as I'm concerned there are no half-siblings; you just love them with your whole heart to make up the difference. My Granny was not hearing that.

Now she has lost her best friend. Someone who wasn't blood but you'd never know because of their closeness. And I can't help but think "Lord I don't want to grow up!" To lose my sisters and brothers! My parents or even my cousins as we all grew up together would be such a hard burden to bear. To continue your life without the ones who have made it worth living is no easy task and I don't envy my Granny at all. So at this time I can just love on her as much as possible to help her realize she still has some of us left.

You Reap What You Sow

I know you've heard the term before. Its from the good book; the bible. At its simplest form it means: you get out what you put in. Its very true though. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in terms of relationships. Not just romantic relationships but relationships on the family and friendship levels as well. Even at work; it is WHO you know. If you don't invest in these relationships you can't reap a good harvest.

As previously stated I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Its a new year and we all tend to become reflective. What went right the previous year as well as what went wrong. I noticed the other day that I have 1600+ facebook friends. As most of you may have guessed I'm a member of a Black Greek Letter Organization (Sorority for those of you unfamiliar with the term BGLO). So a lot of these friends are Greeks I'm networking with but beyond that the majority are people I know very well. I'm a social butterfly and making new friends is something I love doing.But I found myself thinking of the numerous relationships I hold not just on fbook but off; and if I was investing into these relationships. Sadly I wasn't. I thought off all the people I call best friend, good friend, etc. and some of these folks I either wasn't fulfilling my role as friend to them or vice verse. So I decided to start investing in these relationships. Be it the ones that I wasn't doing my part or the ones where the other person was lolly gagging I made it my business to sowing into their lives.

Now I want to point out that this isn't something I began this month. We tend to reflect on the year before the ball drops but I wait until the ball drops to get to work. So this is something I have been working at for the last couple of months. I've restored some cherished relationships and realize others have reached their expiration date. The thing is though....some of these people seem oblivious.

They don't realize you reap what you sow. They expect to put nothing/bare minimum into the relationship and expect to reap the benefits of work unseen. Someone I once considered a very good friend of mine will receive an invitation to my wedding but she won't be apart of the wedding party. (No I'm not engaged... YET! Princess cut for 2010 Owwwww! Speak it into existence people). I jokingly made a comment to this friend about this and she became indignant like how dare I even joke about that. When in my head I'm thinking... Why would you expect that when you don't invest in our relationship?

I tell you all of this as a cautionary tale. Many of you may find yourself with one or two less friends this year. And when I say friend this could be someone in your family or someone your dating. Friendship is the foundation of ANY relationship and if you don't sow into these relationships you may find yourself with a very patchy harvest.

Have you found yourself in a similar reflective mode? What does your harvest look like? Or maybe you see a couple crops you will be letting go into the next season in your life? And how do you deal with relationships that you have to let go?

I Still Believe In Fairytales

So I just finished watching Enchanted.. I don't know if any of you have seen this Disney film but its actually not quite bad. It was pretty good actually. I DVR'd it a few weeks ago and actually only got to watch it this afternoon. The basics of the story is a cartoon chick is thrown into the real world after meeting Prince Charming whom she was about to get married to. Now in the real world she finds out Happily Ever After aren't definite. I won't spoil it for you by saying how it ends but its a Disney film so you probably already know.

To be honest I actually became a bit teary eyed watching the film. The film is wrapping up and I'm sitting there on my couch wrapped in what could only be called my "blankey" and my throat gets tight and my eyes start to well up. Not because the story was sad. But because one of the central themes in the story was that Happily Ever Afters do exist and its something I believe as well.

Yes big hard back tuff 26 year old Somethin Special still believes in fairytales. Growing up these stories were drummed into our minds. They told us we just had to sit and wait and some gorgeous man was going to ride up on a gorgeous horse and sweep us off our feet; make us his queen and we would live Happily Ever After. And then at some point we got older are told to wake up it can't happen. There is no such thing as a prince charming and absolutely no happily ever after. We should hope for a good 5-10yrs at the most get a prenup and always keep a side bank account because we are going to need it when we bounce out. As a matter of fact don't get married just date around awhile and best case scenario someone with some sense may live with you. Two very different extremes. But what about the middle?

What about a Happily Ever After not with Prince Charming but with the average guy who doesn't sing on cue and is a bit jaded? What about the early morning bad breath kisses, late afternoon arguing mixed in with a great makeup session kinda fairytale? The kind where you love fiercely and fight each other with passion too. The kind where you get spitting mad but know that your love is strong enough to get through whatever trial and tribulation your currently dealing with? I believe in that kind of happily ever after.

I'm not naive enough to think that Happily Ever After's aren't riddled with 'bad times' along with all those good times. But when did people stop believing that 'Forever' was the fairytale? Who started this horrible rumor that we shouldn't aspire to long lasting relationships anymore because there is no Prince, we are not Princesses, and we couldn't partner with someone to rule a kingdom? And why oh why did we believe them just as easily as we did those fairy tales we were fed as children?

I actually realized that I was amongst a small minority that still believed that kind of love existed after watching a movie with two girlfriends of mine. That was Up In The Air (another good movie by the way). Without giving out the movie there was a women in the film that kind of stepped all over the heart of one of the characters in 9 inch stilettos right when he began to think Happily Ever Afters do exist.

Now there are people like this women; men too as we all know. That wasn't what triggered my epiphany actually. It was the high fives of my two friends accompanied by the cheers and saying she was their new hero. Huh? Did I miss something? Why aspire to hurt I asked? They basically said hey love n life is like that and they'd prefer to be the ones doing it. My pleas that no one should do that and we should be aspiring to love one another actually got me the side eye. They just weren't buying the fairytale and would prefer to have fun and hurt others before they themselves got cut.

If you don't truly believe that kind of love exist outside of God then how do u expect to ever receive it? If you don't believe in Happily Ever Afters how are you ever going to have your own. Love is hard. Relationships are hard. Forever is hard. But the if you want it you have to at least believe it exist. So as I blink those tear away and cleared my throat this afternoon I proclaimed loudly in my apartment "I believe in Happily Ever Afters!" And whoever doesn't agree with me I respectfully say to you with a smile on my face "You can shove it".

Saddle Up!

**Morning Ladies and Gents! I wasn't planning on hitting the blog with any updates until after the Holiday Season but this devotional I got in my box this morning was too powerful NOT to send. So please enjoy and have a blessed and happy new years eve!!**

Saddle Up
Milan Ford

Well, here we are. Today is Thursday, December 31st
The very last day of the year 2009. And what a year it was.

It seems like only yesterday that many of us joined up with millions of people across the nation this time last year to gather inside of our respective local churches for some form of New Year's Eve or Watch Night Service. And although there are times when the variations of our church annual themes and proclamations can make God sound a bit schizoid to the ears of the unbeliever, for the most part, many of us heard a message that evening about the significance of the year 2009

2009. The year of (yep, that's right)......New Beginnings.

From areas of relationships to finance, issues of health and areas of leadership, the hope for a New Beginning was indeed high on the hearts and minds of believers both young and old this year.

Now I am not in any way what you call the greatest practitioner of biblical numerology, but last year around this time, I remember doing a little research about the significance of the number nine (9).

What I found was actually very interesting. The number nine (9) literally means: to bring to an end. In fact, in one instance, I found that the number (9) means: to bring a judgment (or conclusion) to. I think I'll repeat that one more time...

To bring to an end.
To bring to a conclusion.
To bring a judgement to.

Those aren't exactly the kind of words people pack out a sanctuary or tear up a few pews in order to hear at the beginning of a new year. New Year phrases like 'the year of divine favor,' or 'the year of a new beginning' tend to have a better ring to them.

About a month or so ago, I heard probably one of the most powerful faith statements I had ever heard in my life. It is one that I pray becomes a staple for every believer reading this devotional today as we prepare for the beginning of a new year.

"God's sovereignty does not excuse our apathy."

While I realize we all are looking forward to a great harvest in 2010, please know that this harvest in many respects will be a result of the seeds we have sown throughout 2009.

2009 (for many of us) should have been a year to put an end to our excuses. A year that you and I should have ceased from blaming any oppressor (spiritual or natural) from hindering us from accomplishing the goals and dreams we set out for earlier this year.

2009 was not a year to be lazy. Or vulnerable. This year (for many of us) should have been a year that many of us for the first time in our lives became (sorry for the dirty word here)... responsible.

On tonight, be careful not to become too consumed with asking God (yet again) to begin some new things in your life, without examining the things He has also told you to bring to an end this year.

You still have a few hours left to cancel some of those credit cards you know you need to stop using. A few hours left to 'unfriend' that person you know God has told you to stop chatting with online. A few hours left to email that proposal you've been sitting on now for weeks to your boss.

In fact, there's even a few hours to call that relative of yours you know God has told you to apologize to and mend the relationship. It may be tough to do, but it is time to get it done.

I realize there are a plethora of scriptures many of us will probably be given on tonight concerning what God may have in store for us next year, but I want to give you one that my wife and I have already taken on as a personal challenge for our family throughout 2010.

It's a dangerous one, so please don't write it down if you're not prepared for it just yet.

"If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, then how can you contend with the horses? And if in the land of peace, in which you trusted, they wearied you, then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan?" Jeremiah 12:5-6

Ladies and gentlemen, whether you and I are ready or not, 2010 is here. For many of us, this will be a year that many of the things we have prayed for throughout this year will come to pass. However, for those of us who are still holding on to things (and people) God has told us to get rid of, and for those of us who have allowed 2009 to be a year where our apathy and discontentment for where our lives are right now get the best of us, then what in the world are we going to do when the 'horses' arrive?

If God decides to bless you in 2010 with that 'new job' you've been asking for, are you prepared for it? If God decides to bless your business or church with incredible growth in 2010, did you position yourself properly this year to receive it? Or perhaps for some of you reading this today who are still waiting for God to send you a spouse, will you be able to identify him or her when they come, or is your focus still on holding on to those 'safe alternatives' from your past?

Family, enough is enough. No more excuses.
To be quite honest...I am tired of making them. And if you're like me, tired of hearing them too.

The horses...are here!! SADDLE UP.


Milan Ford has been a leader (and survivor) of ministry within the local church for most of his life. A lover of Red Vines Licorice and all things pointing North, Milan released his first book, 83 Things I Wish The Black Church Would Stop Doing earlier this month, which was recently ranked #1 on Amazon.com (Religion & Spirituality / African-American). You can find Milan rambling and writing at at ThePewView.com.
© Milan Ford all rights reserved

I Met Someone

You ever happen upon someone randomly and know that your meant to be friends? Your spirit just takes to them and as you continue to converse with them your initial response is confirmed...? I know what your thinking and no it isn't a man! Lol

I was waiting for the bus in the rain this past Sunday and it was pouring out. I always have an umbrella in my bag but I was sure by the time I got to the bus stop the bus would be pulling up. It wasn't. I'd forgotten that when it rains the bus is always late. It was. I had a hood on and a fairly long coat so I decided to leave the umbrella in the bag since I was sure the bus would arrive right after I pulled it out.

As 5, 10, then 15 minutes roll by the fake feathers on the hood started to drip and my glasses were beginning to fog up. A young woman standing next to me offered to share her umbrella with me. For half a second I almost declined and just pull out my own but something told me to accept her offer. I smiled and graciously thanked her saying she must have noticed the fog on my glasses. We got a good laugh out of that and began to idly chat with one another.

Turns out she was also headed to my Church for the 1pm service due to missing the 1030. And as the bus came and we settled in for the ride we discovered we had a lot more in common. So much so that after awhile I informed her that we were obviously twins.

I tell you this story (especially my fellow sisters brown, yellow, white, etc.) because we need to be more open to the ones we meet in the street every day. Over the last few months I've met and become very good friends with 3 women not including the one I met this past Sunday.

Now I know a few people will be quick to remind me that some females are triflin and give it time and her inner she devil may reveal itself. This may be true; but I honestly doubt it. I've been a pretty good judge of character for awhile and her spirit is good. Granted no one is perfect and we all piss our friends off from time to time so I know I didn't meet an angel.

Every woman needs a couple good solid girlfriends. And there is nothing wrong with the friends we already have. But sometimes we hold on to those friends we've had for 15+ yrs just because they've stayed around long enough. We've out grown some of them while others have become a part of our families. That doesn't negate opportunities like this one for us to meet and make new friends. I read an article once where it highlighted the different friends women have: the travel buddy, the work friend, the friend who you've known since pre-school, etc. They also mentioned the new friend and stressed the importance of opening oneself up to the possibility of having one. I call them "new best friends".

Granted this young woman I came across may not be my new best friend. But something tells me the potential is there for her to become a good friend. I'm glad I left my umbrella in my bag. And maybe the next time your standing in the rain you should too. Ok I'm rocking dreads and I know my sisters with a perm are NOT feeling that so maybe not! But at the least smile at your fellow sister instead of ice grilling her and fronting like those shoes she has on aren't fab-tastic! She may just be your new best friend.

Ship is coming in...

Yes I know this is the longest I've been away. I missed you bloggy family! I really have. I've been very focused on preparing myself for some professional endeavors the last few weeks as well as engaging in some personal ones as well. I been working hard guys and my ship is finally coming in.

Professionally I have been working on placing myself in a position to have some very big things happen for me in the next few years. I was studying for my professional license which opens a lot of doors for me. I am happy to report that I took the exam last week and passed that exam! **does her happy dance** I had been preparing to take this exam for over a year. The financial piece and the studying piece were difficult for me. I banned myself from reading books (I'm a serious book worm) as well as put myself under "house arrest". So there was no traveling for months at a time. Both were something I love doing as I read 3-4books a month and usually travel once a month as well. But all that hard work has paid off and I am on my way to fulfilling several goals that when I first made them I felt silly for wanting so much. I've surprised myself but its helped me to gain more faith in my ability to allow God to bless me.

Personally... Mmmm... I'm not sure where even to begin. Lol I was reflecting the other day about how much I've changed. I don't even remember what made me think of it in the first place but the magnitude of that change hit me and wow'd me. This time last year I was in a very bad place; and I was wallowing there. Very few people knew how bad I was and some friends of mine who've known me for 10+ yrs were shocked by how un-Special-like I was. In a way as I began to come out of it I think this blog helped me to get a lot of those toxins out. This year was a transition year for me. I was in the the middle of a storm and with God's help I was able to walk out of it with very few nicks and cuts. I'm stronger, wiser, and better for it. And I would never ask that it had not happened because we must always remember that: all that we go through, the good the bad and the ugly, comes together to make us who we are. And if not for the bad, the ugly, and even the evil we would not realize our own worth or our strength. You cannot truly appreciate your success without acknowledging your failure. And through those success and failures I am making some moves to allow God to bless me with the desires of my heart.

And with all that being said I am truly looking forward to the new year. I first thought 09 wouldn't be that great but it turned into one of the best years of my life and that only allows me to prepare myself for even more great things in 2010. Though I did abandon you and I can't promise it won't happen again I hope you stay around to grow with me next year. We can stumble and fall together and be better for it. Love you and I'll see you around family!

What's in a name?

When I'm bored and unable to find something to do with myself I click the CNN app on my berry. People see me avidly watching the screen and sometimes think I'm texting my life away to some man. No. I'm not I'm just reading CNN ha! And while reading it the other day I came across an article about names.. Or rather HIS name.

The article was exploring whether or not Women should take their husbands names. It discussed different cultural practices like in Spain where you have both names. Or the fact that celebrity women keep their own last names. In this day and age more women are taking on their husband's name rather than keeping their own. The writer wasn't happy with this saying a woman who gives up their name loses her identity. *insert my rolled eyes here*

I've probably mentioned before but if I haven't: I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Things like courtship, chivalry, letting a Man take the lead do not grow out of style as far as I'm concerned. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine just last week about this (told you I'd blog it! Ha!) and I told her I'm definitely taking my husband's name.

I can't for the life of me understand the concept of joining my life with another person but stay separate :-/. I thought that whole separate but equal stuff was thrown out in the 60s?! SMH And if I was a dude I'd be offended if my wife said she'd marry me but didn't want my name. Now I know several married couples some took on their husbands name some didn't they all had their reasons. A good friend of mine hyphenated her last name because her dad only has girls. But then she has a boy and he has the dad's name anyways. *shrug*.

The writer of the talked about identity theft and how our names are like our identities so if a women takes on her husbands last name that's how she loses her identity. I can't co-sign dat madness. One its just the last name so even if our names were linked to our identity its a PART of your identity that changes. And in all actuality your identity does change you are now a wife. This is just one way that you acknowledge that change.

Now I can see it coming.... "So then why can't my husband change his name?" Chhhh **that is me sucking my teeth** I am as independent as the next female but again I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Know your role and play your position. Your man is supposed to lead. You ever watch ballroom where you can't tell who is leading?! SMH its very confusing. Having your man lead doesn't make you any less than he is. Only you can do that. If your husband/fiance is really that kind of man he doesn't need your name to zap your identity.

Now as is pretty much EVERYTHING on this blog with the exception of whats in "Just Stopping By" this is all my personal opinion. I'm just one person. Ladies, do you feel the need to take your husband's name? If not what are your reasons. Gentleman, do you want your wife to take your name or do you not care either way as long as she is at the Church on time? Speak to me people.