When I'm bored and unable to find something to do with myself I click the CNN app on my berry. People see me avidly watching the screen and sometimes think I'm texting my life away to some man. No. I'm not I'm just reading CNN ha! And while reading it the other day I came across an article about names.. Or rather HIS name.
The article was exploring whether or not Women should take their husbands names. It discussed different cultural practices like in Spain where you have both names. Or the fact that celebrity women keep their own last names. In this day and age more women are taking on their husband's name rather than keeping their own. The writer wasn't happy with this saying a woman who gives up their name loses her identity. *insert my rolled eyes here*
I've probably mentioned before but if I haven't: I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Things like courtship, chivalry, letting a Man take the lead do not grow out of style as far as I'm concerned. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine just last week about this (told you I'd blog it! Ha!) and I told her I'm definitely taking my husband's name.
I can't for the life of me understand the concept of joining my life with another person but stay separate :-/. I thought that whole separate but equal stuff was thrown out in the 60s?! SMH And if I was a dude I'd be offended if my wife said she'd marry me but didn't want my name. Now I know several married couples some took on their husbands name some didn't they all had their reasons. A good friend of mine hyphenated her last name because her dad only has girls. But then she has a boy and he has the dad's name anyways. *shrug*.
The writer of the talked about identity theft and how our names are like our identities so if a women takes on her husbands last name that's how she loses her identity. I can't co-sign dat madness. One its just the last name so even if our names were linked to our identity its a PART of your identity that changes. And in all actuality your identity does change you are now a wife. This is just one way that you acknowledge that change.
Now I can see it coming.... "So then why can't my husband change his name?" Chhhh **that is me sucking my teeth** I am as independent as the next female but again I'm a modern girl with an old fashioned kind of loving. Know your role and play your position. Your man is supposed to lead. You ever watch ballroom where you can't tell who is leading?! SMH its very confusing. Having your man lead doesn't make you any less than he is. Only you can do that. If your husband/fiance is really that kind of man he doesn't need your name to zap your identity.
Now as is pretty much EVERYTHING on this blog with the exception of whats in "Just Stopping By" this is all my personal opinion. I'm just one person. Ladies, do you feel the need to take your husband's name? If not what are your reasons. Gentleman, do you want your wife to take your name or do you not care either way as long as she is at the Church on time? Speak to me people.
The way I look at this, as a male, is purely from a Biblical sense. It says that once you get married you are no longer two but one. You become a unit where are basically indistinguishable from the other person. People should be able to see her in you and you in her. The taking of the last name is another way in which to show this unity. Marriage is supposed to be the strongest union in this world. Individuality is something that is natural and will never disappear (a person's personality is not going to change just because they are married). Your identity yes can sometimes be within a name but i usually place that value with ur first name, are you the same as ur siblings because you all have the same last name, of course not. Therefore your core identity will not be changed just because ur last name has changed.
ReplyDeleteI'm a fan of the hyphenated last name. In my head, it sounds distinguished. To me it says, "I'm about mine but im about my husband/partner's too."
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine myself being other than "T. Dixon" so to be "T. ____________" is someone totally different. Its really interesting because my last name is my father's name, yet he didn't raise me, nor do I know any of that side. But i still have attachment to the name. Maybe i'll name a child Dixon. Hmm.
FFT.
I am in total agreement with Henderson. I would not like to keep my last name.. The bible says that the two shall become one and in that unison you have to let somethings go, and a last name is the smallest thing.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of husbands taking on their wives last name and that's fine with me if you want to do that but coming from a person with a hyphenated last name I do not want to add to it.. it would be too long and too much, so why not just drop it. You're not losing your individuality, you're not losing your identity, you are who you are, just with a different last name.
Some make it seem like you become a totally different person when you get married (though I'm not married and can't really say that you don't change in some way) the difference in self is that you're no longer thinking about only yourself. You are thinking about the two of you as a unit, as two parts of a whole.. and in that whole you two share something.. the least being a last name..