Keeping me Down....?

Ok so I've officially been single over a year now..... and I find myself still in limbo. I actually have been very much aware that a year was approaching lately. I'll hear different songs and think "This time last year this song would have me bawling.... Mmmm no tears now. Interesting. I must be getting better at this" Or wow this time last year was when I had reached my limit. Ill look back into my diary and read my thoughts and I'm completely blown away by the amount of emotion in the words that are written. I think I've just been living with it very close to my mind this month.

I think after month 8 I stopped counting how many months it had been since Mr. X and I broke up but this last month everything was very ON for me. I couldn't escape it and I hadn't even seen dude for like 5-6months. Then 7/22 came and like 15 times that day people needed me to remind them what the stinking date was. And I'm thinking to myself "Lord? Seriously? Really?" Then to make matters worse (?) I saw Mr. X not once but TWICE back to back the following weekend. (I couldn't make this stuff up people. I actually have a close friend who thinks our entire relationship could make a great movie. Its very "as seen on TV")

And now.. after the weekend is over I feel like I've been thrown back into this emotional pit. No I am definitely not bawling after every song but I find myself uttering a lot of 'what if' thoughts lately. I think I went 22 steps forward and within the last month went 7 steps back. It is very disorienting. Left a sister dazed and confused. I don't think it would be in my best interest to get back with Mr. X (not that its come up as an option) but the entire situation leaves me scratching my head when I give it more than a seconds thought. I keep getting pulled into that direction.

I have developed something more than a crush on a few guys. Some of which I'd seriously consider dating. That is a place I'm very glad to be at because I didn't think I'd be capable of it no matter how much I wanted it. I don't think I'll ever be 100% over Mr. X but I'm hoping I can coast at a smooth 85%. I'm getting there but progress has slowed down lately. I leave you with this song and video I felt captured where I'm at that I found on TheFlyGuy Chronicles website. Check it out... Song kinda rocks.

Sara Bareilles "Gravity" from The Fly Guy on Vimeo.